The New Warning About Evan McMullin: Beware the Mormon Mafia!

Fox Business Channel’s Lou Dobbs, a big fan of Donald Trump, has taken his argument against independent conservative candidate Evan McMullin in an unexpected direction, warning of a “Mormon Mafia.”

Apparently this “Mormon Mafia” works with Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell as well.

This is where I would usually write that attacking a candidate because of his religion is discriminatory, un-American. I would point out that Donald Trump’s lack of appeal to the Mormon demographic was completely predictable, and it’s the job of Trump’s campaign to figure out how to win back these usually-reliably-Republican voters. Perhaps it’s impossible for a legendarily womanizing, twice-divorced casino and strip club owner, combative and crass, to win over a demographic of deeply religious close-knit families who value good manners. But you already know all this.

It’s just more fun to imagine life under the reign of terror of the Mormon Mafia, where they will show up at your door and beat the hell out of your… cholesterol with all the baked goods they bring. What they mean when they warn, “Say hello to my little friend.” How their version of “The Sopranos” sings in the Tabernacle Choir. Their milk speakeasies. Their version of a horse’s head in your bed. Their more environmentally-friendly version of “biker gangs.” The wise advice when rubbing out a rival: “Leave the gun, take the jello salad.“

Justice? “Forget it, Jake, it’s Salt Lake City.”