I’d have to say that, so far, the Academy Awards aren’t nearly as horrifying as they could be. Billy Crystal is back, singing show tunes and wrestling bad jokes to the ground until they surrender. Tim Robbins won the first Oscar and didn’t say anything painful. Jon Voight’s daughter has lots of tatoos. Lord of the Rings is on track to sweep pretty much everything it’s up for, thus reinforcing one’s faith in justice and the cosmic order. Some of the men are actually dressed for the evening. Most of the women aren’t dressed as ladies of the evening. Eastwood, Gibson, and Tolkien are among the dominant themes of the banter. Michael Moore got stomped. Cold Mountain (local fave in my Hood, so to speak) got an early statue. I’m not shuddering any more, though the night is young.