Alexandra DeSanctis’s response to parenting tips offered by Bryan Garner, NR’s esteemed columnist on matters of grammar and style, took me by surprise. Where she offered an appreciation of his advice for ensuring that kids grow up to be readers and good writers, may I counter with a bit of dissent?
Contra Garner, my husband and I did not “speak maturely” to our babies from the day they were born. Baby talk is delightful. It makes babies and toddlers smile and chuckle. It bonds them to their parents through nonsense syllables, words, and phrases — it’s a kind of private music. It has rhythm, repetition, lilt, humor, surprise, and even melody. I suspect it encourages verbal creativity. I don’t mean to get all mushy here, but baby talk is a form of parental love.
Contra Garner, I did not force my children to write essays. If I’d told either of my sons that he needed to write me three paragraphs on why he should be allowed to do X or Y — and then revise them, no less — I would have sparked a rebellion in my own household. And I’d have been on the side of the rebels.
Such tactics apparently worked for Mr. Garner and his children, and as Xan writes, they worked for her — to obviously fine (and fondly remembered) effect. But a disclaimer perhaps should be appended: Results may vary.
Some of Garner’s tips make perfect sense. If you have books in your house, and you are seen to be enjoying them, you up the chances that your kids will think books are good. If you read to your kids, they’re more likely to fall in love with stories and the sound of language and the knowledge gained from books. I’m sure these things contributed to my kids’ growing up to be readers and good writers. As for me, I also grew up in a house full of books with parents who loved to read. But never once did either parent read to me, and the only things I was compelled to write were thank-you notes. (And I thank them for that.) Reader, I can assure you I came out a reader. (And a writer.)
When my kids got to middle school and high school, I did read a fair bit of their school writing assignments. Believe it or not, they seemed to like having an editor for a mother, and I think I taught them a valuable thing or two. But “Why I Should Be Allowed to Go to a Movie with My Friends”? Nope. Who’s driving? When will you be home? Here’s ten bucks, kid, enjoy yourself.