The Corner

Old Chestnut

I’ll wager this joke is a hundred years old at least.  It was new to me, though, and tickled my fancy.  Very American somehow.

What’s he going to be?

 

An old southern Baptist country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

 

Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he  wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

 

One day, while  the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went  into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:

 

A Bible,

A silver dollar,

A bottle of whisky,

A Playboy  magazine

 

“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to  himself, “and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I’ll see which  object he picks up.  If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher  like me, and what a blessing that would be!  If he picks up the dollar,  he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.  But if he  picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a  shame that would be!  And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be a skirt-chasin’ bum.”

 

The old man waited anxiously, and soon  heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he  spotted the objects on the table.

 

With curiosity in his eye, he walked  over to inspect them.  Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He  uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s Centerfold.

 

“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher muttered in disgust,  “he’s gonna be a Congressman.”

John Derbyshire — Mr. Derbyshire is a former contributing editor of National Review.
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