From the Creative Minority Report:
The New York Mets are suffering a stunning late season collapse once again. Leading by three games just a week ago, they are now a game-and-a half behind the first place Phillies and without a drastic change, the Mets could be shut out of the playoffs altogether.
This historic collapse is seen by some as warranting a government bailout of the Mets…before things get worse.
The collapse brings to mind the epic catastrophe last year where the Mets were seven games up with just two weeks left in the season and then went on to lose game after game and finally falling out of the playoffs with a loss on the last game of the year.
But now the Mets are petitioning the federal government for funds to hire relief pitchers. “If we collapse and don’t make the playoffs again, thousands of hearts will be broken. Think of the children” said one Mets front office executive. “Think of the seniors who’ve been waiting over twenty years for us to win the World Series.”
Other sources say the team not making the playoffs would effect local vendors as well. “When there’s no game I don’t make any money,” said a man who identified himself as Tony and runs a parking lot near the stadium. Local sandwich makers said that perhaps a ton of pastrami would rot in area delicatessens without playoff games to boost sales.