The Corner

“Penis theft panic hits capital”

Washington the day after Hillary’s inauguration? No, the capital in question is Kinshasa. I mention somewhere in America Alone the mass hysteria that swept Khartoum a couple of years back when rumors began circulating that shaking hands with infidels could cause your penis to vanish. So, naturally, as the NRO go-to guy for vanishing genitalia, I was sent this story by a zillion readers:

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear… “I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke,” [Police Chief] Oleko said.

“But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,” he said.

Happily, on the North American continent, the problem of vanishing manhoods is all but unknown, except among the primitive Washington tribe of Republican legislators where the condition is apparently incurable.

Mark Steyn is an international bestselling author, a Top 41 recording artist, and a leading Canadian human-rights activist.


The Latest