There be pirates in Oakland. Savvy?
Stephanie Sierra reports for ABC 7:
Pirates are taking over the Oakland Estuary Marinas. Yes, pirates. And local and federal authorities says it’s getting so bad – the U.S. Coast Guard is deploying help to patrol the area.
“Boat owners attacked by pirates,” said Oakland Mayor Sheng Thao. “There are no excuses for that.”
From shipwrecks to sunken sailboats to pirate attacks, the shoreline around the Oakland estuary is seeing a new level of violence that’s leaving the area torn up and trashed. The irony is it’s happening right in front of one of the agencies responsible for addressing it.
“I’ve heard it’s gotten to the point of near fist fights on docks,” said former Harbor Master Brock de Lappe.
The vessels abandoned are covered in graffiti – left like a battleground scene of an action movie.
“We’re talking about piracy,” de Lappe said. “People who are living aboard marinas are being terrorized by these elements coming in at night in small dinghies.”
Fighting piracy with puddle pirates (U.S. Coast Guard) is admirable, though one has to wonder what the Coasties can offer other than to ensure that the pirates are wearing their life jackets while committing high-seas burglary. That the article concludes with the USCG’s Captain Lam saying his group is focused on vessels that interfere with military traffic as well as the pollution threats these vessels may pose is riotously amusing.
How many Coasties does it take to stop piracy? I don’t know, but it requires at least a dozen to fill out the EPA’s environmental-impact reports before processing an arrest. Meanwhile, the waterfront burns in the background as Captain Lam primly places a ticket on the bow of the offending longship.
Wanting to learn more about the situation, I reached out to a friend of National Review, a privateer by the name of Jon Jak. With his history of storming the Oakland waterfront in an attempt to end the tyranny of anti-phonics teachers’ unions, I thought Jon would be just the man to bring order to the flame-licked docks and shattered hulls of Central California’s marinas. Not the case, unfortunately.
As the captain explained to me in a dim corner of McP’s Irish Pub in Coronado, he had set course from San Diego Bay with a strong easterly wind lifting the Humphreys-designed frigate USNS Rothbard along the coast. But upon approaching the estuary, Jak’s bosun shouted to him of an orange-and-white craft pulling alongside. Ever the gentleman, as an officer should be, Jon welcomed the grim delegation aboard. The privateer was informed that Oakland and her waterways did not welcome weapons of war (as outlined in municipal code Chapter 9.36 Article 1), and his men would have to surrender any blades longer than three inches, as well as the bludgeons and axes that served them so well during close-quarters sea combat.
The unnamed Coast Guard captain went on to inform the men that their firearms and cannons would need to be committed to the depths so that they couldn’t be used for environmentally harmful acts of violence. Mulling the conundrum of fighting piracy without weapons, Jon Jak retired to aft and watched a flotilla of rowboats with piratical intent pass to starboard while the Coast Guard focused on pouring the ship’s store of grapeshot over the port side. Turning to his first mate, Ahab, Jon informed him to make ready to leave.
After paying for our drinks with escudos magicked from some secret purse, he turned to me and spake with the voice of God, “Some places refuse salvation. We could no more save Oakland than we could Eden.” He left me standing there on the corner of C and Orange, left to fear for those who cannot escape and despise those who could enforce order but refuse to do so.