A reader from Milwaukee, a city I know only through the old Jerry Lee Lewis
number “What Made Milwaukee Famous Made a Loser Out of Me”:
“Derb—You really opened a can of worms by admitting you like fruitcake.
Must be a vestige of your former life as a Brit (and therefore, not entirely
your fault). NO ONE in America, red-state, blue-state, or otherwise, likes
fruitcake. What we like to do is give fruitcakes as gifts to OTHER PEOPLE;
what we REALLY like to do is ‘re-gift’ fruitcakes that were given to us for
other occasions. In fact, a common joke is that there is really only one
fruitcake in the entire country, and it just keeps being passed along to
hapless recipient after hapless recipient.”
Well, nobody ever gave *me* a gift of a fruitcake. I’d be thrilled if they
did. And if it’s really true — which I don’t for a moment believe — that
my fellow citizens are being gifted with unwanted fruitcakes — hey, send
’em on to me at National Review. Far as this household is concerned, you
can never have enough fruitcake.
O beautiful for raisins fine!
For candied orange peel!
For cherries too, all crystalline–
It’s better than a meal!
O fruitcake fair! O fruitcake fair!
You light our winter days!
All steeped in wine
From glaze to shining glaze!