A brief note from the land of lunacy, because frankly I worry about being typecast. I like to tell myself that I was meant for more in my professional life than to be a mere chronicler of RFK Jr. animal stories, and yet the current secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services keeps popping up with one crazy one after another. First there was the decade-old mystery of the Central Park Roadkill Bear, finally solved after years with a videotaped confession by RFK — to Roseanne Barr of all people. Then there was RFK’s whale of a tale, about which I can only say: If you haven’t read the story already, then click. (Telling detail: RFK is casually described as a man who “likes to study animal skulls and skeletons.”)
And now, as part of a new upcoming book about RFK’s unlikely ascent to public responsibility (RFK Jr.: The Fall and Rise), the New York Post has revealed yet another one of Professor Bobby’s expertises: penis studies. Yes, it turns out RFK is a student of more than just the skeletons of animals, he is also apparently an “avid animal genitalia researcher in his spare time.” So, he confesses to the author of the book, once he found a road-killed raccoon while vacationing with his family – funny how these creatures are always conveniently killed by someone else, isn’t it? – and did what any normal man would do: sliced off its genitals and pocketed them for later study.
Since my hobby is reading about medieval Russian history, I try not to judge the avocations of others too harshly, but more than ever I wonder about the display cases this man must be hiding on his New York estate. (For example, I wonder how many banana slugs he has in his collection.) Until we start hearing stories about him poaching similar prizes from humans, he’s probably in the clear. No, I’m really only sharing this story with you readers because in it, Bobby gives perhaps the single best quote to yet emerge from either a member of the Kennedy family or the Trump administration:
I was standing in front of my parked car on I-684 cutting the penis out of a road killed raccoon, thinking about how weird some of my family members have turned out to be.
You can laugh at RFK if you want. But I’ve seen Jack Schlossberg – so I know he’s actually right.