The Corner

From The Office of Jonah Goldberg

In Friday’s Goldberg File ”News”letter, Jonah Goldberg stated, in a fit of writerly pique, that he will be voting Evan McMullin. There’s some confusion about whether or not Goldberg has “unendorsed” the Sweet Meteor of Death, AKA SMOD. Mr. Goldberg has not withdrawn his endorsement. Mr. Goldberg had this to say:

I still believe that the Sweet Meteor of Death has the most comprehensive program to remedy the problems we face here in Washington, America and the world. He doesn’t give long speeches. He doesn’t give special favors. A contribution to his foundation or Super-PAC will not spare you from his cold unpitying program of universal peace, zero taxes and universal equality in the lifeless vacuum of space.  He follows the classic conservative tradition of “simple rules for a complex society.”

However, I’ve come to doubt that SMOD2016 is in fact on his way. There are credible reports that even the lifeless inanimate rock has become so disgusted with what’s been happening here that he has said, “I don’t even want to touch it.”

I cannot say I blame him. Still, he is not above the laws of gravity, and he should honor his commitment to provide sweet relief for everyone. I condemn his failure to show up on long range satellite and radar images, as he should have by now. I endorse his agenda to end all of the partisan bickering, capital gains taxes and the designated hitter. In short, I condemndorse SMOD.  

And if he is in fact adding his name to the long list of recent politicians who have over-promised and under-delivered, then I will vote for Evan McMullin. If we are all going to be denied the sweet release of apocalyptic annihilation, I might as well do what I can to live with myself.

 

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