All the psyop panderers can now depart the public square in shame:
Taylor Swift has won the Super Bowl — and Joe Biden certainly did not.
Let the record state that the triumph of the Kansas City Chiefs was not accompanied by:
- Travis Kelce proposing to Taylor Swift on the field after victory, while Swift replied into a microphone “Yes! A thousand times yes! You’re the only man I could ever marry besides Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.!”
- Taylor Swift and Ice Spice looking into a camera, confetti flying, and saying in unison, “This is almost as exciting as Biden’s 2020 victory! I can’t wait to vote for him in the upcoming election!”
- A hot-air balloon rising above the field, its side painted in big letters: BIDEN 2024, containing Taylor and Travis waving to the plebeians below
The game, however, did include some rad footage of Swift chugging a beer, Ice Spice looking generally confused, and the firm stoicism of Andy Reid’s mustache.
The snippet of Kelce and Swift’s post-game meet-up reads like the script of a 1980s high-school movie:
“Come here, girl,” Kelce says when he first saw the 14-time Grammy winner on the field, quickly wrapping her up in a kiss.
“Oh my god,” she responds, hugging him tightly. “I cannot believe that. I can’t believe you. How did you do that?”
I mean, c’mon, who could be mad at Swift rushing down to the field to smooch a hulking, bearded midwestern man who just accomplished an insane physical feat? Let’s not forget that Swift has regularly traveled — right after massive performances of her own — to support Kelce. For heaven’s sake, this superstar has spent her time hanging out with Ed and Donna Kelce to cheer on their son.
Among her long list of accomplishments, Taylor Swift has singlehandedly made American women think football is cool again. (This should be great news for all male football nerds.)
But her influence hasn’t been merely cultural — as of January 22, Swift has generated an equivalent brand value of $331.5 million for the Kansas City Chiefs and the NFL. (I would guess that number is pushing $400 million as of last night.)
Her presence at NFL games has poured millions into the U.S. economy, unified interest in football across the nation, and offered all of us a front-row seat to an all-American love story. If Taylor Swift were a man, then she’d be “The Man.”