As the results were revealed on Tuesday, so were strong opinions. The National Review writers, fueled by caffeine and anxiety, stayed up to provide you incisive commentary (or so we tell ourselves). And now, as we recover from a largely sleepless night and possible liver damage, it is refreshing and entertaining to engage with some less substantive insights. What follow are some alternative perspectives on the election that don’t quite meet National Review‘s editorial standards but nonetheless exceed our expectations for comedy.
- “This is unironically worse than 9/11.”
- “This is not Kamala’s fault btw. She worked her ass off to a beautiful campaign with the ~100 days she had. She’s arguably the most qualified US presidential candidate ever, with prior experience in all 3 branches of government. Americans simply voted against their best interest.”
- “There will be some people that try to say this election was about trans people, but I think that misses something much deeper. We are in a country that craves fascism, that is tired of a Washington that does nothing, and is willing to follow whoever Trump blames.”
- “At this point it’s abundantly clear that it was never really ‘But, her emails’ it was ‘But, they’re females.’”
- “Toxic masculinity won last night.”
- “There is a reason why educated people vote blue. What we’re seeing is the uneducated population of America holding the rest of the country hostage. This is why there’s such a push to weaken education, ban books, and outlaw the teaching of Black history by the Republican Party.”
- “I knew a lot of men hated women, but I didn’t realize how many women hated women.”
- “Latino voters did not vote against their interests, if you understand that the person who gets into a treehouse has an ‘interest’ in pulling up the ladder behind them. Trump only promised to push the ‘bad’ Latinos out of the tree. . . and they’re confident that doesn’t mean them.”
- “I still have hope but only in God. I have always believed that He will keep me & mine. Any hope in this country and what it could be someday, is gone. It was founded as a racist nation made for white men only. It remains that. I see that now. My free labor for it is done.”
- “White supremacy cannot be defeated unless we’re all in it together (obviously, a majority of white people are not gonna help). But… this election *really shows* that a lot of other ‘people of color’ do not want to defeat white supremacy, they want to join it.”
- “White women overwhelmingly vote against their own interests as women because their commitment to racism supersedes anything else.”
- “2016 broke my heart. 2024 is breaking my humanity”
- “Is everyone just staring at their phone and feel like they want to sob but they can’t because it’s just pure shock and nausea”
- “imma be honest as a floridian, y’all gotta understand that is hitler hq now. if u wanna go to miami on a girls trip and ruin ur friendship fine but understand u are on a boat in the third reich”
- “If Trump installs his regime, here are a few reminders. If you know anyone trans, you do not. If you know any immigrants, they’ve been here their whole lives. If someone asks you about politics, you do not discuss politics. Anything and everything that will be used to target”
- “This is worse than 2016. Fully informed, the majority of Americans chose fascism.”
- “if you voted for trump, know that millions of women’s blood will be on your hands. you looked at your daughters, your sisters, your mothers, your nieces, your granddaughters, your grandmothers, your aunts, and your cousins and said to them: i do not care about your safety.”
- “JD Vance being so insanely repulsive that I can’t even hope Trump dies…. god what a nightmare situation”
- “’Daddy?’ Yes Johnny? ‘King Trump deported my friends, closed my school, forced me to work in a factory and let mommy die when she was pregnant with my little sister, so why did you vote for him?’ Because the price of eggs was too high, son.”
- “I went to bed in 2024 and woke up in 1854.”
- “I am not joking, what country am I supposed to move to. I can’t watch all my friends die”
- “just know that if you voted for him you’re beneath me. i don’t respect you, i don’t like you, i don’t wanna hear anything you have to say about literally anything. you’re just terrible, uneducated, gullible children in the bodies of adults”
- “While many are talking about losing hope or moving to other countries, Native people have survived under U.S. government leaders that wanted us dead since the very beginning. This is still Native land, and will always be Native land. We never had the luxury to stop fighting.”
- “Greatest country in the world?? Why is every woman I know crying on the way to work today???”
- “North Carolinians rejected Mark Robinson for Governor but chose Donald Trump as President, which shows that they will embrace a monster if he’s the right color.”
- “Every Black woman in America empathizes with Kamala right now. Overwhelming qualified. Still doubted.”
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“It’s not just that Trump won. It’s that Joe Rogan, Dana White and Brett Favre won. Jailed insurrectionists won. The Alitos and the Thomases won. Vladimir Putin won. Racism won. Misogyny won. Sexism won. Global warming won. Xenophobia won. Most of all: Fear Won. That’s what hurts.”
- “that bullet not hitting him in the brain is the biggest fumble in history im so serious”
- “I’m so sick of the six inbred children of the corn deciding if we live or die. Abolish the electoral college!!”