The ugly proof is in the menu: wonton nachos, jambalaya arancini, cheeseburger spring rolls, and macaroni and cheeseburger, for starters.
Netflix content creator Barack Obama stuck his head up to prove to the world once again that there’s still no Democrat who can effortlessly irritate Republicans like he does. At issue this time is Obama’s admittedly decent one-liner at a campaign rally about how Donald Trump has the White House looking like “Saddam Hussein opened a Cheesecake Factory.”
The quip launched a thousand MAGA tweets defending the honor of that restaurant chain from out-of-touch elites. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent — estimated net worth $500 million — seized the moment by lunching there today, telling a waiting Fox Business reporter afterward that he ordered his usual, the French dip cheeseburger, and recommending that “the Martha’s Vineyard set . . . give it a try.”
It’s that last part, the French dip cheeseburger, that I want to dwell on. I’ve been doing a bit for my friends for decades rooted in the premise that everything on the Cheesecake Factory menu is an unholy chimera of two other foods. I just took a ganders at the menu to see if there’s still truth to that premise, and yep.
It starts out innocently enough with “pickle fries,” and we can give them that one for free, since fried pickles are a country delicacy of fair repute. But fast on its heels we get wonton nachos, jambalaya arancini, and the aforementioned French dip cheeseburger along with its cousins the cheeseburger spring rolls and the macaroni and cheeseburger.
And that doesn’t even include the cheesecake part of the cheesecake factory menu, where we get branded collab offerings with Cinnabon® and Reese’s® Peanut Butter Cups, alongside the 10-Inch Oreo® Dream Extreme Cheesecake, which comes “pre-sliced for your convenience,” since the cookies aren’t, as you might be thinking, merely deployed in pulverized form in the crust, but impregnated whole hog into the very superstructure of the custard. And then there’s the pineapple upside-down cheesecake and the red velvet cheesecake and the carrot cake cheesecake and the lemon merengue pie cheesecake and on and on without pity or remorse.
I honestly can’t remember if I stole this bit from someone else. I don’t think I did, but am perfectly willing to assume arguendo that it isn’t mine. Anyway it’s a great bit — you just free-associate wacky combinations, ideally with foods from wildly different cuisines offered in wildly different formats. Bonus if the component foods are both already unhealthy and indulgent on their own. Give it a try: General Tso’s chicken lasagna, country fried beef Wellington, carbonara corn dogs, seven-layer pierogi dip, chili cheese lobster rolls.
Put your own in the comments section. It’s hours of fun for the entire family.