The Corner

Where Troubles Melt Like Lemon Drops

Jack, Jack, re all those Obama-stimulated jobs in phantom New Hampshire Congressional districts, you just don’t get it, do you? Why pay ACORN to register non-existent voters when you can register entire non-existent Congressional districts? And how many votes do states 51 thru 57 have in the electoral college?

Reading those jobs numbers, I can’t be the only resident of New Hampshire’s Second Congressional District who dreams of relocating to the “00 Congressional District“, land of 2,873.9 newly created jobs. What a great name! Because in the Obama budget you can always use a couple extra zeroes.

I like to think of it as somewhere up around the Fourth Connecticut Lake or the Indian Stream by the old bootlegging routes in from Quebec. I drive around in the forlorn hope that one day on a rutted Class VI road deep in the woods, just over the washed out culvert, I’ll round the bend and see the sign saying “Now Entering The 00 Congressional District. This $47,000 sign brought to you by the America Recovery & Reinvestment Act,” and the Emerald City of Oo will rise before me, its streets paved with Stimulus green and lined with dancing fountains of sparkling H1N1 vaccine and Obamatronic statues that bow as you pass by as if you’re the Japanese Emperor and they sing “Be Our Guest” in a faintly metallic voice. And I’ll be greeted by 2,873.9 gnarled old stump-toothed loggers with an average of 2.7 fingers between them, now federally retrained as green-jobs czars, NEA performance artists, end-of-life counseling coordinators, and Joe Biden speechwriters . . .

Mark Steyn is an international bestselling author, a Top 41 recording artist, and a leading Canadian human-rights activist.

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