Top ten jokes from the Edinburgh Festival “Fringe“:
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I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
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Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
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People say “I’m taking it one day at a time.” You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.
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Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought … once you’ve hired the car …
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I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
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My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.
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I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.
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Someone asked me recently — what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.
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I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my own voicemails.
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My friend died doing what he loved … heroin.
I dunno, seems to me there’s been a falling off there. A couple of those got a smile from me, but no belly laughs. Perhaps humor’s going through a fallow period, like 18th-century English verse. Or perhaps it’s me.
Although, of course, as we all know, nothing’s been the same since the death of vaudeville.