Dear Reader (and those who, for reasons that will be obvious on the other side of the parentheses, will soon give up reading this “news”letter for reasons of taste):
A man named Robert Wone was murdered, and his semen was found in a place where the rules of physics, biology, and even the ever-metastasizing laxity of sexual norms still say it never should be.
Now, I bring this up not to make light of Mr. Wone’s murder or lifestyle – actually, according to all accounts he was a heterosexual family man like yours truly – but to make a simple point about newspapers.
For generations, newspapers were such a profitable business, it’s like they forgot they were businesses at all. It’s not that they forgot they were providing a service, but they saw themselves as providing a “public service.” This high-minded goal got so high-minded, the keepers of the craft seem to have lost sight of the very public they’re supposed to be serving. It’s hard to think of many businesses that have strayed so far from their customers. Some very high-end restaurants sometimes try to turn their food into lectures about sustainability, localism, good health, whatever. But the chefs still recognize that if the diners don’t enjoy eating the food, there’s no point.
That’s a lesson that sometimes seems lost on newspaper editors who seem to be motivated by the journalistically equivalent sentiment: The public must eat its spinach! And we must keep the fatty or sugary or salty snacks and meals down to a minimum. With the obvious exceptions of the New York Post and, to a lesser extent, the Daily News, it’s not clear that any of the major American newspapers care that much about making their newspapers fun to read.
There are some caveats. I’m not talking about sports or even business reporting, where I think the writers and editors have a much better sense of what the readers want — and a much greater desire to actually give it to them. And there are a handful of writers who, despite the pressures of their industry, actually manage to churn out engaging copy.
But as a generalization, it often seems as if a key part of the reporter’s job description is the ability to conceal precisely the juiciest information, the facts that might get the blood boiling. For instance, the New York Times didn’t mention that Jeremiah Wright had said “God damn America” for more than six months after the controversy broke. It basically didn’t cover the Van Jones controversy until it was over. The coverage of the Duke lacrosse scandal always seemed to be designed to avoid giving the reader a clear picture of what happened.
Again, I’m not just talking about political correctness or media bias – though Lord knows I could be – I’m talking about making things interesting for the reader. Mark Steyn has made similar observations more than a few times.
So let’s get back to Wone. I’ll admit, this might not be the best example, because the Washington Post is a family newspaper and this is a story that’s hard to tell in PG-rated terms. But this is also a story that lots of people living in Washington, D.C., can’t stop talking about. If this had happened in the New York Post’s backyard – or in London! – the story would be a huge national sensation.
I hope I’m not telling anybody something they don’t know, but people are interested in sex. They’re also interested in murder. They’re also interested in cover-ups. And, while I have less evidence to back this up, I suspect they’re also interested in strange, alternatively structured “families” involved in murder mysteries that are festooned with sex-dungeon props.
And yet the Washington Post has been covering the story of Robert Wone’s murder as if it were an ag-bill mark-up. I want to be fair: The coverage has been adequate in the journalism-school sense. The who, what, when, where, and whys have been addressed, if not exhaustively, then at least professionally. But in no sense has the Washington Post covered this bizarre story in a manner you’d expect from a business trying to sell newspapers.
If you don’t know the story, here’s the broad outline, from Gawker:
[BLOCK]Wone, a politically ambitious 32-year-old lawyer for Radio Free Asia, was stabbed to death in the million-dollar townhouse owned by his college friend Joseph Price in 2006. While Wone was straight and married, Price lived with his husband Victor Zaborsky, an ad executive, and his lover Dylan Ward, who played the dominant role in their sadomasochistic relationship. Price, Zaborsky, and Ward say Wone was staying over at their house when an intruder broke in and stabbed him. Prosecutors say they lured Wone there, drugged him, and got into some really strange sex play. [BLOCK]
How strange? Well, read the Gawker piece. But among the party favors found at the house: “metal anal probes,” “scrotal harness with weight attachments,” remote-control electroshock devices, and “various devices designed to inflict penile pain.”
Moreover, the story the three men tell is beyond implausible, involving some absurd intruder (not the name of one of their toys, by the way), who managed to sexually assault and murder Wone, clean up the crime scene, and leave without alerting any of them that something was amiss.
In the capable hands of the New York Post, the Wone story would be “wood” for months on end. Oh, and get your mind out of the gutter, “wood” is what they call front-page material in the tabloid business. But the Post – like the Times – has an acute problem discussing news stories where gay people are involved. Recently a high-school principal was murdered by some men he “met” on a gay chat line, and the Post spent a whole lot of time insisting the gay-chat-line angle had nothing to do with his death until it was revealed that it had nearly everything to do with his death.
A friend of mine insists that if he were the metro editor of the Washington Post, every Wone article would begin something like this: “Robert Wone, the murdered lawyer who was found with his own semen in his rectum . . .”
That might be going too far, but it would grab attention. Instead, the only place that tidbit has been reported in the Washington Post is in a Style-section article about a great website, whomurderedrobertwone.com. The irony is palpable. The newspaper’s most interesting story on the murder case is about a website that is exhaustively reporting on the trial largely because people interested in the story can’t get what they want from their hometown newspaper.
No wonder these things are going out of business.
Now for Something Cheerier
My apologies. I hadn’t planned on taking up so much room on the above item. And I suspect it wasn’t worth it. (“Go with your instincts” – The Couch.) Now there’s not enough space to deal with all of the other vital, hilarious, life-affirming items I planned for this week’s edition of the G-File. Now, I’m going through the five stages of storm-trooper grief.
Still, as the Latin phrase goes, “Everyone likes to watch a basset hound eat produce.” And if that doesn’t do it for you, this golden retriever’s breakfast habits might amuse.
Random Question For reasons that have nothing to do with national security, I can’t quite explain why I’m asking this, but if you have any ideas for what would make a good conservative-TV-show format or project – as in news, talk, debate, whatever – drop me a line. One hint: Don’t say “Bring back Firing Line.”
Speaking of TV Watch the Corner for my takes on 24 and Lost. I agree with much that JPod and Douthat have already said.
Oh, and if you’re interested, it looks like I have a standing appointment to be on Fox News every Wednesday at 2:30. Here’s this week’s appearance.
The next time you see me, I’ll have had a haircut. Don’t let your excitement and anticipation distract you from your work and family life!