Magazine | February 9, 2009, Issue


April 20, 2009

TO: All Huffington Post (paid) contributors

FROM: Arianna

RE: The Olbermann accident & a medical & mental-health benefits clarification

Dear Team:

I’m writing this to you on board Bob Pittman’s G5, so please excuse any typos!!

Now, on a serious note: Our hearts and prayers are with our friends at MSNBC and the entire Olbermann family at this time. It was and is a devastating shock to all of us, and I know that we’re all processing the events of yesterday in our own unique ways.

As it happened, I was in the green room watching the monitor when Keith’s head exploded. He was trying to explain to his viewers how President Obama’s use of FISA-allowed wiretaps was fundamentally different from former and unindicted President Bush’s use of FISA-allowed wiretaps when, according to medical examiners, his brain simply burst under the pressure, resulting in what doctors call cranial auto-detonation.

Needless to say, my segment was postponed.

The Olbermann tragedy, coupled with Katie Couric’s Obama Tax Cut–induced stroke last month and Andrew Sullivan’s nervous breakdown and subsequent institutionalization in February after President Obama declined to shut down the prison in Guantanamo Bay, means it’s imperative that we take a moment to clarify the medical-benefits package that Huffington Post (paid) contributors currently enjoy.

Believe me, this was all a lot easier when I started the HuffPo. Back then, we didn’t pay anyone for anything, which made figuring out employee benefits a snap. We didn’t offer any! But with Katie in a vegetative state, Andrew painting daffodils on a padded cell wall with his own feces, and Keith completely exploded, I guess it’s time to face the facts: The Obama administration is going to take a deep and severe toll on the mental and physical health of the progressive Left.

So now, as with any organization experiencing rapid growth and a high valuation, we’ve got to figure out what, exactly, we’re covering and what we’re not. We owe our (paid) contributors a clarification.

In the past 90 days, the number of employees putting in mental-health-related claims has soared. There are now 31 employees taking two or more anti-psychotic medications daily, with the majority of our IT staff subsisting on the anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medications Paxil and Zoloft.

In addition, the number of employee sick days has dramatically increased. Some of our (paid) contributors are reporting extreme neck and muscle strain, as they try to contort themselves into postures that allow them to maintain a joyful enthusiasm for President Obama’s new administration despite its similarities to the administration of former and unindicted President Bush.

#page# Next week, the Obama administration is planning a Rose Garden celebration marking our nation’s victory in Iraq. “Mission Accomplished! Thanks, Heroes of the Surge!” is sure to be a difficult and trying time for most of us — well, not for me so much; I’ll be there waving the flag!! — but it’s also important to understand that the wonderful, uncritical, over-the-top enthusiasm for Barack Obama is considered by our medical insurance providers to be a preexisting condition and is therefore not covered under our current schedule of benefits.

I wish I could deliver better news, but our bootstrap, startup project simply couldn’t afford to extend to our (paid) contributors coverage of these kinds of reactions. We simply cannot afford to lower the prescription-drug co-pay to make the anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications that many of you find necessary more affordable.

What I can do, and will do starting tomorrow, is offer the use of my personal massage therapist to all (paid) contributors for a reduced rate (chair-style massage ONLY) until we’ve all adjusted to the realities of the new administration.

It’s jarring, I know, to suddenly feel compelled to defend policies that are remarkably similar — if not identical — to the policies of former and unindicted President Bush, and I certainly feel for you as you tie yourselves into rhetorical knots with your friends and family — and as you make desperate rationalizations to yourself in the mirror — trying to explain just how radically different, say, the Department of Defense is when led by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates under President Obama from the way it was when led by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates under former and unindicted President Bush.

But I think there’s a lesson for all of us in Keith’s exploded head. That, along with Katie’s stroke and Andrew’s daffodils, reminds us that the world is a complicated and surprising place. Personally, I don’t have any trouble at all reconciling my past beliefs or enthusiasms with those of my present. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all one wonderful continuum. As I said once to Newt Gingrich years and years ago (or was it Al Gore? no matter), the thing about the past is, with enough money, you can make it go away. I hope that’s of some comfort to our (paid) contributors.

All the best,


In This Issue



Politics & Policy

Slow Boat to China

‘I’m sure they told you about the change in the schedule?” the chipper, bearded master of the Hanjin Miami asked me as the 90,000-ton container ship eased effortlessly away from ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

Into the Abyss

Emerson and the New England Transcendentalists loftily professed to know nothing much about evil, that hoary idea from the childhood of the race. But a noted contemporary of the “Frog-Pondians” ...
Politics & Policy


Story matters. By rights, this winter’s anti-Nazi double feature, Valkyrie and Defiance — in which the Wehrmacht’s officer class and Belarus’s Jews, respectively, take up arms against Hitler’s Germany — ...
The Straggler

Chance of a Ghost

I was somewhat surprised recently to be told by a friend that she had had a “reading” done. I didn’t grasp her meaning immediately. The Church of Scientology came first ...


Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ Lincoln, on the other hand, did not have Shakira. ‐ There is so much patriotism on the left, anno Obama, that they might now own more flags than Che shirts. ...
The Long View


April 20, 2009 TO: All Huffington Post (paid) contributors FROM: Arianna RE: The Olbermann accident & a medical & mental-health benefits clarification Dear Team: I’m writing this to you on board Bob Pittman’s G5, so ...
Politics & Policy


ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS Near sundown, on a day in early spring, A sudden radiance in a shadowed street. Soft, breathing trees — the airy spheres of foliage Take on a tender valedictory light. I ...
Politics & Policy


Someone HELP! this Child I am so sad that HELP! is a casualty of your superb new format. My ten-year old son adores HELP!, and it has been a springboard for ...

Most Popular

Politics & Policy

Making Sense of the Iran Chaos

One would prefer that correct decisions be made according to careful, deliberate plan. But a correct decision made impulsively, through a troubling process, is still nonetheless correct, and so it is with Donald Trump’s decision to refrain from military action against Iran. The proposed strike would represent a ... Read More

In Defense of Coleman Hughes

Picture the scene: A young man walks into a congressional hearing to offer witness testimony. His grandfather was barbarically brutalized by people who are now long dead. The nation in which he resides built its wealth of his grandfather’s brutalization. The question: Should his fellow citizens pay the young ... Read More

College Leaders Should Learn from Oberlin

Thanks to their social-justice warrior mindset, the leaders of Oberlin College have caused an Ohio jury to hit it with $44 million in compensatory and punitive damages in a case where the school couldn't resist the urge to side with its “woke” students against a local business. College leaders should learn ... Read More

Joe and the Segs

Joe Biden has stepped in it, good and deep. Biden, if he has any hope of ever being elected president, will be dependent on residual goodwill among African Americans from his time as Barack Obama’s loyal and deferential vice president — so deferential, in fact, that he stood aside for Herself in 2016 even ... Read More
Film & TV

Toy Story 4: A National Anthem

The Toy Story franchise is the closest thing we have to an undisputed national anthem, a popular belief that celebrates what we think we all stand for — cooperation, ingenuity, and simple values, such as perpetual hope. This fact of our infantile, desensitized culture became apparent back in 2010 when I took a ... Read More