Subject: Need clarity on tax issue
A question from some of the new guys in the cabinet: If you’ve received more than $400,000 in small, unmarked bills from anyone in the past two years, is this something you need to report to the IRS? Do we have a policy on this?
Subject: Your magnificence!
I know I’m not supposed to have your private e-mail address, but somehow I got it!!! A lady never tells her secrets!!! Anyhoo, just a short note to say how much I luv ya!!! And don’t let the turkeys get you down!!! Everybody here @ Time thinks ur doing a gr8 job!!!!
Just to clarify: when you said “NO” former lobbyists would serve in your administration, did that mean “no” as in “none” or did that mean “no” as in “some probably will be okay”? I ask only because it looks like we’re going to end up with a couple of dozen here and there, and I just want you to have a heads-up. I don’t think it’s going to end up being a problem either way. No one in the press corps has even mentioned it.
Also: A couple of our minor cabinet secretaries are wondering if they’ll need to file 2009 tax returns. I’ve told them that if they haven’t been filing regularly for the past few years, it’s probably not a good idea to suddenly start. Thoughts?
I just got a call from the D.C. police. One of your cabinet officers — I’d rather not use the name, if that’s okay; I know this is your private e-mail address, but still — has been arrested for shoplifting. When interviewed by police, the cabinet secretary apparently indicated that it was understood that cabinet-level officers were exempt from all misdemeanor-theft laws.
I’ve sent one of the kids down with bail money, but need some clarity on what laws, exactly, your cabinet officers are currently exempt from. Or do you want me to tell Holder to draw up a list at Justice? I don’t think this is urgent. No one in the press corps has even asked about it.
#page# To: Husseinsmymiddlename@whitehouse.gov
UR Awesome!!! Keep doing what you’re doing.
PS: Was at the Barnes & Noble on Connecticut and I think I saw one of your cabinet officers getting led away in cuffs. Don’t worry! Mum’s the word!
Subject: Appointee activities
Just saw on Drudge that some of your newly nominated cabinet-level appointees have been involved in methamphetamine production and at least one other was part of a murder-for-hire organization.
I really don’t think this is going to be a big deal. So far, no one in the WH press corps is picking it up. My feeling is, we make the distinction between methamphetamine production (which is okay) and its distribution (which is technically illegal) and call it a day.
The murder-for-hire thing is a slightly thornier issue. Let’s wait and see if it’s going to be a problem. I don’t see anything on nytimes.com. Or washingtonpost.com.
Subject: Is this you?
Hey. Is this you? I got this e-mail address from some of my guys who work in your administration — there’s a lot of ’em! — but I never know if I can trust them. Guess you’re finding out the same thing, huh?
A bunch of the dudes I’m working with in Dubai might be e-mailing you about some stuff they’ve got cooking. I hope it’s okay that I gave them this address. If they start to bug you, let me know.
PS: Are you on AIM? Would be fun to put you on my Buddy List.
Subject: What should I tell him??
I think this is potentially a problem. Maybe we can come up with another private e-mail address to give him? Something that goes directly to your spam folder? Next action?
Begin Forwarded Message:
Subject: E-mail address
If I promise not to use it more than once or twice or maybe four times tops a day, would you please give me the POTUS’s private e-mail address?? I sort of feel weird not having it.
Subject: Hope and change!
Wow! What a great first 2 weeks! Wonderful! If it didn’t make you uncomfortable or freak out the Secret Service, I’d kiss you on the lips the next time I see you!!! And I wouldn’t stop there!!!!