Magazine March 23, 2009, Issue

Pumping Up Joe

(Ismael Roldan)
When you can’t give your vice president an ice bath . . .

Here’s how I handle a crying baby: I unwrap it a bit — babies always seem too tightly swaddled, in my opinion — and then I take it outside, into the cold. As the cold air hits the baby’s skin, its tiny internal thermostat kicks in, and all the energy formerly devoted to crying and fussing gets channeled into the life-preserving mammal’s instinct to keep warm. The poor little thing exhausts itself, nods off, and pipes down.

I mean, that’s how I would handle a crying baby, if I had kids. (You somehow knew I don’t, didn’t you?) It’s a trick …

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In This Issue




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President Obama announced his plan to withdraw from Iraq. It’s noticeably more reasonable than his rhetoric from the campaign.


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The Wuhan Lab Cover-Up

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