Magazine April 20, 2009, Issue

The Long View

A Twitter-istory of the World . . .

Spent all a.m. trying to walk upright. Any1 in the Twitterverse had success at that yet? Also: what’s the 411 in re: hunting, gathering vs. land cultivation? Any1 in the Twitterverse had success at that yet? Also: what’s the 411 in re: hunting, gathering vs. land cultivation? 

Big yellow god in sky totally warm, totally awesome! Wish it didn’t have to die every night tho. Anyone else feel the same way?

Livin’ large in Ur! Home of the world’s coolest ziggurat! Twitpic here: http://twitpic.com/23ddf

Awesome wooden horse just arrived at gates from, like, nowhere. So freakin’ cool. Draggin’ it in w/my bros. Wooden Horse FTW!!

@odysseus where r u? 

Really digging @caesar and the new transparency. This new guy gets it. He’s even on Twitter! Roman Empire 2.0!!

Any other Twitter peeps here in the crowd, listening to the dude in the sandals up on the mount give his sermon or whatevs? Say hey if you are! 

Hanging with the Vandals and Visigoths. These guys are just throwing out awesome vibes. Rome is so “old media.” Time for a reboot!

I keep feeling like we’re all in the “middle” of something. But what? Anyone else ready for something new? Like, I dunno, more sophisticated use of perspective in painting? Just sayin’

@spanishinquisition I owe some Jewish guys some money and I’m not happy about it. Can u guys help? Would really like some debt relief. 

“There b monsters” my ass. The world is so totally round it’s not even funny. If u keep going u get 2 great beaches. Am bringing back tomatoes. Trust me: just eat one.

Liked but did not love the Sist. Chap. Too high to see all the details plus pushy crowd. Could tell he painted it on back due to paint drips all over floor.

Lepanto?? WTH?? Turkish fleet=total FAIL. 

The new English queen is a virgin? Um, really? I mean, really? Hard to believe, but with that hairstyle, I guess it’s logical.

The new world is cool! Really unspoiled and sustainable environment. Also: indigenous peoples who dress totally funky with earrings etc. on the guys too!!! Downside: hunger, winter, scalping.

Please DM me!! I will pay anything for a 2lip bulb!!! Top prices paid for 2lip bulbs!! DM for details!!!

Suddenly feeling extremely enlightened. Really getting into science, logic, etc. Any thoughts in re that or rights of man etc.?

Tweetup at Boston Hrbor! Let’s deal with the tea tax Twitter style! Bring snax.

Please RT!!!! The British r coming!!! Please RT!!!

Apparently, Marie Antoinette was just using an expression. She isn’t actually going to give us any cake. I love cake so I’m seriously bummed. Maybe even more than bummed. Need 2 think about it.

Gr8 idea to buy this land! New Orleans v. cool. Food sorta spicy but nice vibe. Great cocktails. Worried about flooding, though. @thomasjefferson had the right idea.

Who’s the short French guy with the major ’tude? What the dilly, homes? Who died and made you God? You want to invade Russia? Fine. Take it. PS: bring mittens.

@williamtecumsehsherman where r u? last we heard you were in Alabama. Now Georgia? How fast r u going?? Pls stop at Savannah.

Nothing out here but grazing lands and mineral deposits. Head west, Twitterverse. Avoid Apaches. Bring snax.

@donnerparty Where r u?

Watching Archduke Ferdinand cruise by in his open carriage. What a jerk. Still, I guess if he got whacked it’d be a whole big thing.

Watching the market go nuts and have decided not to miss this rally. Putting it all in equities. By 1929, I’m going to have major bank!

Anybody else getting a weird vibe from this new dude Stalin? Seems nice but there’s something about him. Or am I paranoid?

Lots of planes with Japanese writing on them just buzzed by. Wonder what that’s about. Oh well. Another awesome day in Hawaii. We should give them statehood.

Wonder if they’ll let @elvispresley do that pelvis swiveling thang? Be cool if they did, but they’re probably 2 uptight.

@josephpkennedy how many votes do u want in cook county? Need $$ 4 Tuesday. DM me.

OMG!! OMG!! Just walked on the moon! http://twitpic.com/245gy Moonwalk! FTW!!

@rmnixon omg! 4got 2 take tape off door in h20gate! Got nabbed by rent-a-cop. Please call @ggordonliddy to handle this! Thnx!!

RT from @ronaldreagan: Hey! @mikhailgorbachev and @erichhonecker! Tear down this wall!

In This Issue

Articles

Politics & Policy

How We Fight

The Republican party is now consolidated in its opposition to President Obama. Most of its members have decided that his central political project is to bring social democracy to these ...
Politics & Policy

A Good Plan in Africa

Nairobi, Kenya – Democracy promotion is and probably always will be America’s default foreign policy, embarked upon when no other controlling interests prevail. This is so for two reasons: one philosophical, ...
Politics & Policy

Tip Jar Nation

Here’s what just happened. I’m in a hip coffee shop on Valencia Street in San Francisco. It’s early afternoon, and I order a double espresso. I hand over the money and ...

Features

Politics & Policy

The New Afghan War

Kabul – Gov. Mohammed Halim Fi-dai is agitated. He’s holding forth in his office in Wardak province a half-hour or so outside of Kabul, before an audience of U.S. military ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

By the Waters…

Richard John Neuhaus, recently departed and greatly missed, enjoyed four overlapping careers in the American public square. Taken on its own, each would have been sufficient to guarantee the fame ...
Politics & Policy

Paleo Khan

In The Dangerous Book for Boys, the name Genghis Khan appears precisely once. It’s a passing reference, toward the end, in a section on the Great Wall of China. Yet ...
Politics & Policy

On Our Side

William F. Buckley Jr. wrote a successful series of espionage thrillers about Blackford Oakes, a CIA agent. Now National Review editor Rich Lowry (together with his friend Keith Korman) has ...
Politics & Policy

Shelf Life

David Bentley Hart is one of the most valuable theologians of recent years; his 2003 book The Beauty of the Infinite: The Aesthetics of Christian Truth is a masterpiece. The ...

Sections

The Long View

The Long View

A Twitter-istory of the World . . . Spent all a.m. trying to walk upright. Any1 in the Twitterverse had success at that yet? Also: what’s the 411 in re: hunting, ...
Politics & Policy

Poetry

The scarlet torches of crape myrtle Crowd my window, kindled by the sun. Their thick foliage blocks my view Of all but the treetops and the sky. I enjoy the flower-clusters, and butterflies That visit ...
Happy Warrior

Happy Warrior

Closing Up Shop As National Review’s in-house demography bore — oh, hang on, the self-deprecating “demography bore” shtick is getting even more boring than just boring on about demography . . ...
Politics & Policy

Letters

Keeping the Peace  In the April 6 issue’s “The Week,” you ran a paragraph about the recent attacks on soldiers and policemen in Northern Ireland. The piece unfairly and incorrectly stated ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ Carter-era Fiat: Fix It Again, Tony. Obama-era Fiat: Fix It Again, Taxpayers. ‐ “What’s good for the country is good for General Motors,” Charles Wilson, the company’s president in the ...
The Bent Pin

The Bent Pin

Marry in Haste, Repent at Leisure As the Obama administration enters its third month I keep thinking of an old rhyming joke. It’s about an absent-minded girl who, being incapable of ...

Most Popular

Education

Destroy the ‘Public’ Education System

‘Public” schools have been a catastrophe for the United States. This certainly isn’t an original assertion, but as we watch thousands of authoritarian brats tearing down the legacies of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, it’s more apparent than ever. State-run schools have undercut two fundamental ... Read More
Education

Destroy the ‘Public’ Education System

‘Public” schools have been a catastrophe for the United States. This certainly isn’t an original assertion, but as we watch thousands of authoritarian brats tearing down the legacies of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, it’s more apparent than ever. State-run schools have undercut two fundamental ... Read More
Culture

Why Progressives Wage War on History

Princeton University’s decision to remove the name “Woodrow Wilson” from its School of Public and International Affairs is a big win for progressive activists, and the implications will extend far beyond the campus. It hardly surprises me, in today’s polarizing environment, that my alma mater caved to ... Read More
Culture

Why Progressives Wage War on History

Princeton University’s decision to remove the name “Woodrow Wilson” from its School of Public and International Affairs is a big win for progressive activists, and the implications will extend far beyond the campus. It hardly surprises me, in today’s polarizing environment, that my alma mater caved to ... Read More
Regulatory Policy

Going Medieval

Writing in Bloomberg, Noah Smith gives more than a nod to Peter Turchin’s theory of elite overproduction (or, as Smith neatly relabels the phenomenon, “elite over-competition”) as a cause of the current wave of turmoil in the West, something with which I would agree but, I think, more emphatically. Quite ... Read More
Regulatory Policy

Going Medieval

Writing in Bloomberg, Noah Smith gives more than a nod to Peter Turchin’s theory of elite overproduction (or, as Smith neatly relabels the phenomenon, “elite over-competition”) as a cause of the current wave of turmoil in the West, something with which I would agree but, I think, more emphatically. Quite ... Read More
U.S.

Bad News about the Virus

On the menu today: an important update about indications that the coronavirus is now more contagious than it used to be, with far-reaching ramifications for how we fight this pandemic; a point on the recent complaints about the Paycheck Protection Program; and a new book for everyone closely following the debate ... Read More
U.S.

Bad News about the Virus

On the menu today: an important update about indications that the coronavirus is now more contagious than it used to be, with far-reaching ramifications for how we fight this pandemic; a point on the recent complaints about the Paycheck Protection Program; and a new book for everyone closely following the debate ... Read More
Culture

Two NFL Apologies

So Drew Brees defended the American flag and all it stands for, said he didn’t agree with kneeling for the national anthem and correctly described this gesture of open disrespect as disrespect. "Is everything right with our country right now?" said the Saints' future Hall of Famer. "No, it is not. We still have ... Read More
Culture

Two NFL Apologies

So Drew Brees defended the American flag and all it stands for, said he didn’t agree with kneeling for the national anthem and correctly described this gesture of open disrespect as disrespect. "Is everything right with our country right now?" said the Saints' future Hall of Famer. "No, it is not. We still have ... Read More
Politics & Policy

Chesterton’s Cops

Conservatives are big on “Chesterton’s fence.” That’s G. K. Chesterton’s principle that you cannot reform what you do not understand, that you should not for the sake of convenience knock down a fence until you understand why it was put up in the first place. When encountering a fence in his way, ... Read More
Politics & Policy

Chesterton’s Cops

Conservatives are big on “Chesterton’s fence.” That’s G. K. Chesterton’s principle that you cannot reform what you do not understand, that you should not for the sake of convenience knock down a fence until you understand why it was put up in the first place. When encountering a fence in his way, ... Read More
Culture

A Triumph at Mount Rushmore

If nothing else, President Donald Trump’s July Fourth speech at Mount Rushmore clarified the battle lines of our culture war. The New York Times called the speech “dark and divisive,” while an Associated Press headline declared, “Trump pushes racial division.” A Washington Post story said the speech ... Read More
Culture

A Triumph at Mount Rushmore

If nothing else, President Donald Trump’s July Fourth speech at Mount Rushmore clarified the battle lines of our culture war. The New York Times called the speech “dark and divisive,” while an Associated Press headline declared, “Trump pushes racial division.” A Washington Post story said the speech ... Read More