Magazine | August 16, 2010, Issue

Therapist’s Notes

Media-ordered therapy, result of Shirley Sherrod video

Patient: Andrew Breitbart

First Session:

Therapist greets patient, who arrives with three BlackBerrys. Patient is pleasant and good-humored, seems aware of his surroundings, is able to carry on simple transactional conversations. Patient, to therapist’s surprise, is not tortured by hate.

He seems to understand why he’s here, which is important in the work that we do. He understands that the Media have the power to compel treatment, and he understands that our work here is part of a general process to make his work more palatable and mainstream. Patient smiles affably during this conversation and seems to genuinely want to be rehabilitated in the eyes of what he calls the Mainstream Media. He understands that as a result of the Shirley Sherrod–video contretemps, this therapy is necessary.

Patient does, however, have irritating habit of “posting” during our sessions. Patient in fact “posts” several videos of Democratic congressmen (many of whom were in the adjacent treatment room, in the “Learning to Like the Little People” group session) calling him a racist on MSNBC.

Session ends when patient begins tweeting therapist’s notes.

Second Session:

Patient arrives with a small video crew. When asked to stop videotaping the session, patient replies good-naturedly that as far as he’s concerned, transparency is crucial. He makes disparaging comparison to the recently shut down JournoList — some members of which are patients of the therapist, in the “Diversity of Thought Is Okay” group sessions.

Patient doesn’t seem to understand that the Media-ordered therapy must be conducted in private. He seems unwilling to accept that his past actions — including, but not limited to, the Sherry Sherrod video posting — have made him a dangerous and hated figure among the more mainstream and appropriate Media outlets. He seems unwilling, despite his affable demeanor, to do what it takes to “fit in” with others in the Media.

Therapist explains all of this to patient, and explains that as long as he insists on disturbing the peace and disrupting established, venerable institutions like ACORN and the NAACP and the Department of Agriculture, he’ll always be considered a racist outcast.

Session ends early, when therapist’s BlackBerry begins buzzing ceaselessly. Patient has apparently already posted video of the beginnings of the session on Drudge.

Third Session:

The third session takes place entirely on Fox News’s Red Eye program, with patient and therapist trying to work out their issues during a particularly intrusive cross-conversation between patient and Red Eye host Greg Gutfeld, who insults therapist many times, making fun of his sweater-vests and his close-cropped beard and his soft, modulated voice until therapist is near tears.

Session ends when Red Eye takes a commercial break and therapist is escorted out and presented with a Red Eye coffee mug, which therapist forgets about and uses absentmindedly the next day during patient Pelosi’s multiple-personality-disorder therapy, awakening patient Pelosi’s paranoid personality, “Iris,” who snatches it away from therapist and tosses it against the wall, shattering it and staining the New Yorker “View of the World” poster with hazelnut coffee.

Therapist plans to bill patient Breitbart for poster.

Fourth Session:

The fourth session takes place entirely on Twitter. Patient continues to use “@” replies to therapist’s questions. An example:

@therapist: @andrewbreitbart, why do you insist on maintaining an adversarial tone to the MSM?

@andrewbreitbart: @therapist, because they’ve controlled the conversation. They smear anyone who disagrees w/them. The left-wing MSM hates real dissent. #tcot #mediamatters #sherrysherrod

@therapist: @andrewbreitbart, why do you insist on sharing all of this information with everyone?

@andrewbreitbart: RT @therapist: @andrewbreitbart, why do you insist on sharing all of this information with everyone? #tcot #mediamatters #sherrysherrod

@andrewbreitbart: RT @ericboehlert: Breitbart is tweeting his therapy sessions! He’s clearly insane! #tcot #mediamatters #sherrysherrod

@andrewbreitbart: @therapist, the MSM always tries to suppress information it doesn’t like. I’m trying to get information out. Big, big diff. #tcot #mediamatters #sherrysherrod

@ericboehlert: RT @andrewbreitbart: @therapist, the MSM always tries to suppress information it doesn’t like. I’m trying to get information out. Big, big diff. // Breitbart needs to be stopped.

@therapist: @andrewbreitbart, I can’t really have an effective therapy session if you keep tweeting everything.

@andrewbreitbart: @therapist, I can’t help it. It’s what I do. #tcot #mediamatters #sherrysherrod

@therapist: But @andrewbreitbart, you’re right in front of me, in my office. We cd do this in person.

@ericboehlert: RT@therapist: But @andrewbreitbart, you’re right in front of me, in my office. We cd do this in person. // Breitbart isn’t taking his therapy srsly! RT! RT!

Fifth Session:

Doesn’t take place. Therapist’s contract with the mental-health clinic is terminated after patient posts all videos, tweets, and therapist’s notes on his new blog, Big Therapy.

In This Issue

Articles

Politics & Policy

Sheriff McCain

As his fellow incumbents drown in a tea-party wave, Sen. John McCain somehow remains afloat. On August 24, McCain squares off against J. D. Hayworth, a former congressman, in Arizona’s ...

Features

Politics & Policy

A Clash of Opposites

Not long ago, two friends were talking about the current election season. Both of them are conservative, but one especially dislikes the McCain-Feingold law (which restricted campaign finance and political ...
Politics & Policy

Ban the Burqa

Istanbul – I moved here five years ago. In the beginning, I was sympathetic to the argument that Turkey’s ban on headscarves in universities and public institutions was grossly discriminatory. I spoke ...

Books, Arts & Manners

The Straggler

On Thy Silver Wheels

The recent political ructions over the extension of unemployment benefits brought Norman Tebbit to my mind. Tebbit was Margaret Thatcher’s secretary of state for employment in the early 1980s. There ...
Politics & Policy

The Drive to Create

In a castle in Newcastle, complete with reflecting pool, dappled woods nooked with marble sculptures, and pastures lowing with cattle, Matt Ridley, dean of British science writers and author of ...

Sections

Politics & Policy

Poetry

ADVERTISEMENT FOR “LET’S PRAY” Choreographed by Thandumzi Moyakhe, performed by Nqaba Mafilika and Bathembu Myira, Johannesburg, South Africa They dance there with outrageous zest, Kneeling and swaying without rest, White crosses painted on their chests. Hour after ...
Athwart

Captain Post-America

You can imagine the fist-pumping and broad grins that went around Hollywood when it was announced they were making a movie about Captain America — and the subsequent dismay when ...
Politics & Policy

Letters

Acceptable Risk? In his article “Preferred Risk” (July 5), Iain Murray states that “the National Flood Insurance Program (NFIP), which encourages building in high-risk areas, [exposes] taxpayers to huge liabilities.” I ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ Congress has an 11 percent job-approval rating. Who knew there were so many trial lawyers? ‐ Midterm elections are generally referenda on the party in power, and that is especially ...
The Long View

Therapist’s Notes

Patient: Andrew Breitbart First Session: Therapist greets patient, who arrives with three BlackBerrys. Patient is pleasant and good-humored, seems aware of his surroundings, is able to carry on simple transactional conversations. Patient, ...

Most Popular

White House

The Mueller Report Should Shock Our Conscience

I've finished reading the entire Mueller report, and I must confess that even as a longtime, quite open critic of Donald Trump, I was surprised at the sheer scope, scale, and brazenness of the lies, falsehoods, and misdirections detailed by the Special Counsel's Office. We've become accustomed to Trump making up ... Read More
World

What’s So Great about Western Civilization

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is Jonah Goldberg’s weekly “news”letter, the G-File. Subscribe here to get the G-File delivered to your inbox on Fridays. Dear Reader (Redacted: Harm to Ongoing Matter), One of the things I tell new parents is something that was told to me when my daughter still had that ... Read More
White House

The Problem with the Mueller Report

So much for collusion. The media conversation has now officially moved on from the obsession of the last two years to obstruction of justice. That’s because the first volume of the voluminous Mueller report, the half devoted to what was supposed to be the underlying crime of a Trump conspiracy with Russia, ... Read More
Sports

Screw York Yankees

You are dead to me. You are a collection of Fredos. The cock has crowed, you pathetic sniveling jerks. The team I have rooted for since 1965, when I first visited the House that Ruth Built, where I hawked peanuts and ice cream a lifetime ago, watched countless games (Guidry striking out 18!), has gotten so ... Read More
Politics & Policy

Trump Can’t Cry ‘No Fair’

If I may jump in, I take Charlie’s point and I think he’s largely correct. I also think David is correct. There’s not that much of a contradiction in that because I think to some extent they’re talking about different things. And this reflects a larger frustration I have with many of the ... Read More