Magazine | October 4, 2010, Issue

“How We Can Help Improve Your Image”

Notes to a PowerPoint presentation to:

The Islamic Faith

By ImageSpinners, LLC

Slide 1: Photo of the Planet Earth from space morphing into ImageSpinners logo.

“Who We Are”

ImageSpinners, LLC, is a New York–based public-relations firm focusing on crisis management, global repositioning, and image enhancement. With a multinational presence and experience in multiple forms of crisis image overhaul, ImageSpinners is the place to go when you want the world to see you differently.

Slide 2: Rapidly morphing photographs of BP logo, Robert Mugabe, Mel Gibson, the Church of Scientology, and the rest of the client roster.

“Why Us?”

ImageSpinners represents some of the most controversial and unpopular people, things, and institutions in our world today. We’re ready to help you reach the popularity you know you’ve always deserved.

Slide 3: Image of an angry crowd burning an American flag in an Arab-looking street.

“Let’s Face It: You Need Us!”

Look, none of us is perfect. We all “mess up” sometimes. And that’s where we come in. At ImageSpinners, we’re not about just buying full-page newspaper ads. We’re about shaping an entire dialogue. We’re about letting people know that just because people look angry, and just because they’re trying to kill you, there’s still common ground to be discovered.

Slide 4: Image of American crowd protesting the Ground Zero mosque.

“Now What?”

Sharia law is going to be tough to impose on Manhattan, let alone downtown Manhattan! But to be serious, for a moment, let’s be frank: Whatever communications strategy you were following isn’t working. The Islamic faith is more unpopular than ever. You should have called us years ago.

Slide 5: Image of Osama bin Laden morphing into a clean-shaven man wearing a sharp-looking suit, followed by an image of Lady Gaga morphing into a burka.

“Think Outside the Mosque”

Our four-point plan will, if implemented, move the needle in a measurable way. We’re about results. If after the implementation of our plan you’re dissatisfied with ImageSpinners, you don’t pay a thing.

It’s as simple as that.

Slide 6: A mosque morphing into a mosque with a Starbucks and a J. Crew on the ground floor.

#page#“Go Retail!”

Americans love to shop! We’re a consumer culture, and it shows. Just ask the Chinese.

Mosques are spooky places to Americans, filled with strange calligraphy and ominous chanting.

Put the two together, though, and you’ve got an American-friendly way to get people in the door with their credit cards out. A moderate rollout of this retail strategy should shave ten or more points off the negative associations Americans have with Islamic places of worship, depending on the retail mix.

Slide 7: A group of typical American teenagers morphing into a group of typical Yemeni teenagers, minus the automatic weaponry. 

“It’s All About the Kids!”

Teenagers are a handful! Every American parent struggles with hot-button issues like drugs, promiscuity, rock music, and a general lack of discipline.

Islam has solved those problems. It’s been raising kids in an atmosphere of family values since 700 a.d.! What American parents need to know is that Islam has some pretty solid solutions to the problems plaguing families today.

Depending on the market slice, we can pitch the harder-edged stuff (corporal punishment and honor killings might do better in the Rocky Mountain states, chic burka styles better in urban/progressive areas) or backpedal it, as the numbers indicate.

Slide 8: A plate of hummus, tabbouleh, and olives.

“Eat Healthy!”

Muslims enjoy a low-fat, low-carb diet high in omega-3 fatty acids and natural fiber. Americans are weight conscious — the weight-loss industry is a multibillion-dollar business. Why not introduce Americans to losing weight and living healthy the Muslim way? We can show the American public that Islam isn’t all scary beards and yelling. It’s also taking the time to eat right.

Slide 9: The plane hitting the second World Trade Center tower morphing into car-bomb damage, airport-security lines, the London Underground, etc.

“Stop Blowing Things Up”

Americans hate to see innocent people die. And they have a fear of fanaticism. Why not, for the duration of this outreach campaign, stop blowing things up? After a year or so of not blowing things or people up — and not trying to, either — we predict that Islam and Islam-related issues will experience a measurable and healthy increase in popularity.

It’s simple, really.

It’s about shopping. It’s about the kids. It’s about healthy lifestyles. And it’s about not blowing things up anymore.

Slide 10: Image of the Planet Earth from outer space morphing into the ImageSpinners logo.


Begin Q & A.

In This Issue


Politics & Policy

Beyond Sanctions

The U.S.-led financial-sanctions campaign currently under way against Iran is biting, but it isn’t enough. To change the Iranian regime’s nuclear calculus, the administration and the international community need to ...
Politics & Policy

Dim Idea

Arriving late one night into Tokyo, I checked into my hotel room to discover the world’s most complicated toilet. There were hoses and nozzles where hoses and nozzles probably shouldn’t be, ...


Politics & Policy

The Great U-Turn

Admirers and detractors of the United States agree on one point: This country is unusually resistant to the social consensus and set of structures broadly known as “social democracy” or ...
Politics & Policy

Obama’s U.N. Record

Barack Obama will make his second address as president to the opening of the United Nations General Assembly on September 23, and engage in the customary ceremonies, social events, and ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

Laws of Thought

On entering the Catholic Church earlier this year, Hadley Arkes explained that he had become convinced that the Church was fundamentally a truth-telling institution. He arrived at this judgment after ...
Politics & Policy

Film: Total Immersion

At times, it can feel as though television’s auteurs are making the movie industry irrelevant. Fifty years after phrases like “idiot box” and “vast wasteland” entered the American vocabulary, the ...
Politics & Policy

Bliss Was It . . .

The 1924 presidential election was, on the face of it, a snoozer. The major-party candidates were Calvin Coolidge (Republican) and John W. Davis (Democrat). Both were conservative — sensationally so ...
Politics & Policy

Moot Causes

Where did the idea come from that, if a black student studies hard in school, he is “acting white”? Stuart Buck — a Harvard Law graduate who is currently a ...


Politics & Policy


Ayn Rand, Christian Soldier? “The Greatly Ghastly Rand” (August 30), by Jason Lee Steorts, analyzes Ayn Rand and her writings accurately and not altogether without sympathy. Allow me to add my ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ Soon the Republicans may be able to claim the first nonwhite Speaker of the House. ‐ President Obama’s long-stated view is that his predecessor’s tax cuts for the middle class ...
The Bent Pin

Fed Up

Optimists don’t mind if you eavesdrop on them. They welcome it, in fact, because it helps them spread their fiendish gospel. Here is what the one behind me in the ...
The Long View

“How We Can Help Improve Your Image”

Notes to a PowerPoint presentation to: The Islamic Faith By ImageSpinners, LLC Slide 1: Photo of the Planet Earth from space morphing into ImageSpinners logo. “Who We Are” ImageSpinners, LLC, is a New York–based public-relations ...
Politics & Policy


GREAT LAKE WINTER A crack in ice will join as well as rend. In every ear that thinks it’s safe from harm, The snap can clearly cause, or not, alarm. But those who hear ...

The Teat Eternal

The New York Times Sunday magazine is where you find nice glossy ads for expensive consumer goods alongside 10,000-word stories on why expensive consumer goods do not make us happy. ...

Most Popular


Men Literally Died for That Flag, You Idiots

The American flag’s place in our culture is beginning to look less unassailable. The symbol itself is under attack, as we’ve seen with Nike dumping a shoe design featuring an early American flag, Megan Rapinoe defending her national-anthem protests (she says she will never sing the song again), and ... Read More

The Plot against Kavanaugh

Justice on Trial, by Mollie Hemingway and Carrie Severino (Regnery,  256 pp., $28.99) The nomination and confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court was the political event of 2018, though not for the reasons anyone expected. All High Court confirmations these days are fraught with emotion and tumult ... Read More
Politics & Policy

He Just Can’t Help Himself

By Saturday, the long-simmering fight between Nancy Pelosi and her allies on one side and the “squad” associated with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on the other had risen to an angrier and more destructive level at the Netroots Nation conference. Representative Ayanna Pressley, an African-American Massachusetts ... Read More
White House

On Gratitude and Immigration

Like both Rich and David, I consider it flatly inappropriate for the president of the United States to be telling Americans -- rhetorically or otherwise -- to “go back where you came from.” In consequence, you will find no defense of the president from me, either. What Trump tweeted over the weekend was ... Read More

Gender Dissenter Gets Fired

Allan M. Josephson is a distinguished psychiatrist who, since 2003, has transformed the division of child and adolescent psychiatry and psychology at the University of Louisville from a struggling department to a nationally acclaimed program. In the fall of 2017 he appeared on a panel at the Heritage Foundation ... Read More

The ‘Squad’ Gives a Gift to Donald Trump

On Sunday, Donald Trump gave the Democrats a gift -- comments that indicate he thinks native-born congresswomen he detests should “go back” to the countries of their ancestors. On Monday, the four congresswomen handed Trump a gift in return, managing to respond to the president’s insults in some of the most ... Read More