Magazine | February 21, 2011, Issue

Tweets from @youthcaptain

Tweets from @youthcaptain, the next leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea:

Was supposed to have some Dad-and-me time today. He’s “too busy” watching stuff in Egypt and Jordan etc. Sigh. Just want him to hug me and tell me I matter. #fathersandsonsarecomplicated

Greatest thing about Pyongyang traffic? Can really open up the 540i. Worst thing? No other traffic to swerve through.

@gamalmubarak Read that Egyptian gov pulled plug on Web. But you’re still tweeting. Awesome! #iloveverizon

Talked to Dad re: stuff happening in Cairo. Can’t happen here, right? Dad laughs nervously. #stufftoworryabout

To my friends in Cairo: Think about the negativity you’re spreading. More flies with honey, is all I’m saying. #howaboutsomegratitude?

@youthcaptain just checked into Hall of the People’s Devotion to the Dear Leader. #foursquare

@gamalmubarak Totally sucks about what’s going down out your way, bro. Feel for you majorly. #hardtobethesonofagreatman

Really tense atmosphere around the TV room. Dad and generals watching four screens.

Camille may be unlikable and nuts, but would prefer her to crazy Kim or any of the gals from Atlanta. #RealHousewivesofBeverlyHills

Tunisia, Egypt, Jordan, Yemen. Not loving this. Glued to CNN. (Fox News too right-wing.)

Finally got Dad’s attention when he saw one of my tweets on Egypt scroll by on CNN. Got the famous “I’m not happy with you” look.

@youthcaptain just became Mayor of Hall of the People’s Devotion to the Dear Leader. #foursquare

At leadership conference, General Won presented contingency plan for unrest in Pyongyang. Sounded like a good plan to me. Dad disagreed. Had him shot.

DM @gamalmubarak Would love to be able to send you the $$$ you requested. Things tight here, tho. On a short leash thanks to you know who.

I’m on chatroulette! Come find me! #chatroulette

Dad says need to “get serious” and “tighten up” things around here. Hope he doesn’t mean my iPhone. Connectivity and social media are what I live for. Oh, and pancakes.

DM @gamalmubarak Paypal? Send me the deets and I’ll do what I can. AMEX bill comes to Dad’s people so hard to hide.

#page#Say what you like about Fox News. The chicks are a lot hotter than on al-Jazeera. #notbeingsexistjustbeinghonest

Sat with Dad in TV room. He watched news. I played guitar and sang “Cat’s in the Cradle” for him. He didn’t get it.

Hey Tweeps! If I have to make a fast escape from Pyongyang due to unrest etc. where should I go? Anyone want to meet up at South by Southwest? #sxsw

Long meeting today with Dad and old dudes. Am being ordered to spearhead construction of Internet kill switch. Not sure they get it. Only one on Web in DPRK is me.

@sarahpalin @glennbeck @breitbart How is calling Mubarak a dictator not H8 speech? #whathappenedtocivility?

All of a sudden not allowed to watch Glee — apparently we’re all supposed to be focused on unrest a bazillion miles away. I do not get this. #forestforthetrees

@foxnews I find the terms “dictator” and “despot” to be offensive. Please use the term “post-democratic leader.”

@gamalmubarak Just saw you on al-Jazeera! How’d you lose all that weight? Lookin’ good, bro! IM me on Skype and we’ll chat if your ’net is up.

Dad freaking out at news from Mideast. Planning crackdown here. I keep telling him: Think about your personal brand. He looks at me like I’m speaking Swahili.

Anyone in Twitterverse using Path app? Want to share paths? DM me!

You know who I don’t get? Hannity. Seems like weird flow from him to Beck and O’Reilly. Also: never ever answers my DMs.

Tried to talk to Dad about possible collapse of DPRK government. Me: You’ll bring me with, right? Him: says nothing, keeps watching Greta. #justwanttobeloved

@amychua Loved loved loved the Tiger Mom book. Could sing a lot of bars of that. DM me re: sequel on Tiger Dads. Could tell you LOTS of stories.

Dad explains that riot police in Tahrir Square using rubber bullets. Both of us puzzled by why they’re not using real bullets and/or flamethrowers.

@youthcaptain just checked into Glorious Pavilion of a People’s Love of the Great Leader Coffee and Tea Emporium. #foursquare

Made a big decision. Would like to go into exile in either South Beach in Miami or in Austin. #hipstersrule

Watching video of Mubarak etc. and panel on Fox News saying he has to go. Getting nervous. Dad puts hand on my shoulder, says if that happens here he’ll go nuke first. Feel better. Nice moment.

In This Issue

Articles

Politics & Policy

Arab Agony

Upheaval is shaking the Arab world. Countries there are alike in being under one-man rule, and this authoritarianism is being tested to destruction. The outcome might be political reform and ...
Politics & Policy

Palin vs. Romney

Two potential candidates for the Republican presidential nomination have been described as “frontrunners”: former governors Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin. According to pollster Scott Rasmussen, they’re the candidates with the ...
Politics & Policy

Lost in Space

Almost half a century after the first man went into orbit, and at a time when the federal government is so deeply in debt that no expenditure can be allowed ...

Features

Books, Arts & Manners

The Straggler

Morpheme Addiction

Until very recently the only thing I knew how to say in Turkish was the proverb Nerede çokluk, orada bokluk, which means (I shall bowdlerize slightly) “Where there are people, ...
Politics & Policy

Australian Model

Think of him as the Tea Partier from Down Under. John Howard, the second-longest-serving prime minister in Australian history and leader of the Liberal (in American terms, read Conservative) party ...

Sections

Athwart

Exit, Stage Left

The chairman of the NEA recently said we might have too much theater in this country. Rocco Landesman was quoted by the New York Times thus: “You can either increase ...
Politics & Policy

Letters

Marital Goods Jason Lee Steorts misses the boat when he argues that monogamous same-sex unions and heterosexual infertile unions possess the same kind of value, and that therefore we should have ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ It looks like Egypt has discovered term limits. ‐ The House vote to repeal Obamacare is being treated by the media as a political stunt, since the bill is unlikely ...
The Long View

Tweets from @youthcaptain

Tweets from @youthcaptain, the next leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea: Was supposed to have some Dad-and-me time today. He’s “too busy” watching stuff in Egypt and Jordan etc. ...
Politics & Policy

Poetry

OMEGA All day long my watch has been stopping On me, every few hours, a good Omega Automatic chronometer, certified, Gold face and bezel, circa 1970, Self-winding. My father left it to me When he died, ...

Most Popular

U.S.

Americans Are Royally Confused about Monarchy

Conventional wisdom regarding America’s relationship with royalty goes something like this: Americans have no time for monarchy as a political concept but can’t get enough of the British royal family. The American media’s round-the-clock coverage of the recent royal wedding certainly seems ample evidence of ... Read More
Elections

The Trump Rationale

Why exactly did nearly half the country vote for Donald Trump? Why also did the arguments of Never Trump Republicans and conservatives have marginal effect on voters? Despite vehement denunciations of the Trump candidacy from many pundits on the right and in the media, Trump nonetheless got about the same ... Read More
Politics & Policy

The Media See Only One Collusion Story

President Trump is opening a whole new chapter in the war between him and the investigators pursuing him. Today, he tweeted: “I hereby demand, and will do so officially tomorrow, that the Department of Justice look into whether or not the FBI/DOJ infiltrated or surveilled the Trump Campaign for Political ... Read More