Magazine | June 20, 2011, Issue

A Look Ahead to the Twitter Stream of @SarahPalinPOTUS . . .

Sad news. @nancypelosi and @harryreid and @keitholbermann still in vegetative states since election eve. Pray for their recovery. #lifeiscomplicated

Loved live-tweeting the inaugural speech! Easy to talk and tweet at the same time. Hey, @paulkrugman, why are you such a #hater? Just cuz u can’t multitask??

@SarahPalinPOTUS is now Mayor of the White House. #foursquare

First cabinet meeting! Made ’em all do a 5k fun run around the lawn. Secy of HHS @newtgingrich resting comfortably after coronary occlusion. #freshairandexerciseiswhatdcneeds

No place for the stuffed caribou in the OO. But the bearskin rug looks cool! Got some PETA flak, but worth it b/c it terrified @chuckschumer.

@toddpalin How about @toddpalinFDOTUS? First Dude OTUS? DM me!!

Good mac-and-cheese recipes? Please @reply to @whitehousechef. He’s “not an expert” apparently.

You know who looks really really old up close? EVERYONE IN DC!!!! Esp. @alangreenspan.

Thoughts on what to do with all of the Dept. of Ed. office space? Will be vacant as of COB Friday. Please RT!

Didn’t know you’re not supposed to shoot squirrels from OO window. Secret Service all upset and furious. So how am I supposed to relax?

To all @PETA types, re: last tweet. Yes, YES I was planning to eat the squirrels. Actually quite delicious if you get all the bones out.

Unclear why @barackobama isn’t following good manners and going silent for first 100 days. But what can I say but BRING IT!

@SarahPalinPOTUS just checked into the Olive Garden Tyson’s Corner #gowalla

Sad news. @nancypelosi still in vegetative state since massive stroke election eve. Didn’t agree with her on much, but she was a classy lady. Pray for her recovery.

@toddpalinFDOTUS all hacked off with me b/c I said @nicolassarkozy was kinda sexy. Ladies, back me up here! Short guys have appeal.

Second cabinet meeting! To make a comment, all Secys had to make a @nerfbasketball shot from across the room. Big winner? @mitchdaniels. What’d I say re: short guys?!

@dnc_pressoffice Latest press release is wrong. Not trying to “cut” or “slash” federal programs. Trying to eliminate them altogether. Please issue correction.

Um, barking up the wrong tree, @repweiner. Happy happy happy with @toddpalinFDOTUS. Have him DM you if you feel confident. Warning: You’ll need a bigger Twitpic.

#page#Congrats, sincerely, to @barackobama for his new job as president of @harvard. Not a surprise. Maybe when I’m done here they’ll make me pres. of @idahostate.

Happy that @bristolpalin and @therealcharliesheen are no longer dating. Try to be supportive, but not always easy. Moms, am I right?

Unclear why everyone is surprised re: closing Dept. of Ed. and Dept. of Trans. I kept saying it and saying it and saying it thru the campaign. #mediahearswhatitwantstohear

Have girl crush on @angelamerkel

Third cabinet meeting! Have some empty chairs due to bad cardio fitness and fed. gov. cuts. Room for margarita machine? #allworkandnoplay

Sitting here listening to #dems talk about budget priorities. They’re all “raise taxes” and I’m all “check out my FB status.”

Walking down the aisle to give State of the Union speech. Who’s the African-American lady I’m supposed to say hi to? #SOTU

@elenakaganSCOTUS If you’re just going to sit there giving me dirty looks, why come at all? #SOTU

Tweeting this during the big ovation after my “$1.3 trillion cut” bit. That is all. #SOTU

Just learned I can eliminate any fed. regs I want with exec. order. There goes the rest of my afternoon! #ilovemyjob

@toddpalinFDOTUS and I are going to celebrate our anniversary on the deck of that new oil derrick off Martha’s Vineyard. Don’t get the drama.

100 days! Cut taxes, closed 2 depts., killed terrorists. What’s the deal with the “hardest job in the world”? Did everything I promised. Need more stuff! Help, Tweeps!

@barackobama Um, not to be bitchy or anything, but check out my approvals right now and check out your approvals at same time in your admin. Maybe put that in your next NYT editorial??? #cambridgeisnottheusa

OMG! OMG! Been here almost six months. Found my first GRAY HAIR! Freaking out. Freaking out.

Unexpected star of my administration? @patsajak! The guy can HANDLE the press! May move him to SecDef since SEAL Team Six is having trouble with the “group” SecDef idea. #youtrystuffyoulearnstuff

Interesting factoid: If Obamacare still law, @nancypelosi et al. would be taken off life support by order of death panel. #whoshappyiwonnow?

Re: Tweet about my gray hair. Turns out it wasn’t mine. From raccoon I strangled last week, got on head somehow. Phew! #stilllovingthisjob

Rob Long — Rob Long, Hollywood writer and producer, started his career as a screenwriter for the TV show Cheers. He is a regular writer for National Review, Newsweek International, and the Los ...

In This Issue

Articles

Politics & Policy

The Moderate

Richard Quinn, who has been working for Republican presidential candidates in South Carolina since 1980, thinks he has found a winner this time: “I think he’s the best I’ve seen, ...
Politics & Policy

Dangerous Disaffection

It is tempting to dismiss the Republicans’ recent loss in New York’s 26th congressional district. A “tea-party” candidate siphoned off conservative votes, and the Republican did not respond to the ...
Politics & Policy

War of Words

‘The Woman Who Stopped Us from Saying ‘Stewardess,’” read a headline last month. The article was a celebration of Kate Swift, who had passed away. She is credited with rooting ...

Features

Politics & Policy

Is Cain Able?

Herman Cain looked startled when Chris Wallace of Fox News quizzed him about the Middle East. “Where do you stand on the right of return?” asked Wallace on his Sunday-morning ...
Politics & Policy

Ages Apart

St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in Manhattan is now known for the young-adult Mass, celebrated by Fr. Jonathan Morris, it hosts for a lively twentysomething Catholic community every Sunday at 7 ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

Growing Up

‘There’s a demon inside me,” Stu (Ed Helms) confesses to his best friend, Phil (Bradley Cooper), near the end of the redundant, repellent, and occasionally amusing The Hangover: Part II. ...
The Straggler

A Walk in Caria

It is always fun to gather first impressions of a foreign country. Turkey is, John O’Sullivan had explained to me, “upper-tier Third World.” That seems about right. The Third World–itude ...

Sections

Politics & Policy

Letters

In Memoriam As a friend of Bill Rusher’s for 45 years, I can say the vignettes by his friends and colleagues (“Remembering Bill Rusher,” May 16) accurately capture Bill, the man ...
Athwart

Do the Jefferson

The marble temples of Washington enshrine our civic heroes in great stone cenotaphs, so that we may gaze up at their Olympian brows and connect with the virtues they embody. ...
Politics & Policy

Poetry

CEMETERY HERD The cemetery was laid out in the 1850s. The headstones are of the differing styles fashionable over the many years of its operation, with paved pathways meandering their narrow course along the top of the ...
Happy Warrior

Signs

To be honest, I quite liked Obama’s “moat with alligators” crack. And, as it happens, the United States is building a moat on the border. The northern border, that is.       ...

Most Popular

Elections

Romney Is a Misfit for America

Mitt’s back. The former governor of Massachusetts and occasional native son of Michigan has a new persona: Mr. Utah. He’s going to bring Utah conservatism to the whole Republican party and to the country at large. Wholesome, efficient, industrious, faithful. “Utah has a lot to teach the politicians in ... Read More
U.S.

Fire the FBI Chief

American government is supposed to look and sound like George Washington. What it actually looks and sounds like is Henry Hill from Goodfellas: bad suit, hand out, intoning the eternal mantra: “F*** you, pay me.” American government mostly works by interposition, standing between us, the free people at ... Read More
Film & TV

Black Panther’s Circle of Hype

The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) first infantilizes its audience, then banalizes it, and, finally, controls it through marketing. This commercial strategy, geared toward adolescents of all ages, resembles the Democratic party’s political manipulation of black Americans, targeting that audience through its ... Read More