Magazine | June 11, 2012, Issue

From the Palo Alto, Calif., Craigslist

MISSED CONNECTION: W4M

Hi! Saw you walking into Caffe del Doge with a messenger bag from Facebook. Do you work there?? So cool!! Can’t wait for the IPO next week!! Wondering if you’d like to get together. I’m the gal with the brown eyes who locked them with yours. Thought there was a spark. Was there???? Let’s get together and find out!!!

THINGS FOR SALE

Selling futon, old bike, small sofa, and hot plate. Am participating in the Facebook IPO next week and no longer need these things as I’m trading WAY up. Let me know if any of this interests you. Will be selling them FAST.

MISSED CONNECTION: M4W

Hi there! You: sharp, smart, dazzling gal walking into the Curves gym this afternoon. You had on workout clothes and I noticed the Facebook parking permit sticker on your car. I think you’re super hot! Me: nice guy looking for a long-term thing. And I have no idea what you’re doing at Curves, which is for women with weight trouble, and you are perfect!! Lots of you to LOVE and HOLD ONTO!! Wondering: Are you part of that whole Facebook IPO craziness that’s happening next week? (Not that I care. Just curious.) Lemme know if you want to get together for a meal or something. Would love to get to know you. PS: I bake.

THINGS FOR SALE

Selling a 1994 Subaru Outback. Will take any offer. Participating in Facebook IPO in two days and want to get rid of a lot of stuff to make room for my new car. Hit me back.

MISSED CONNECTION: M4W

Hey! That was me going into Caffe del Doge on University. And yes! I am a Facebook employee and totally psyched for the IPO!! Hard to concentrate, really. So cool that you thought I was hot. Don’t get that a lot from girls due to my vestigial sixth finger and backwards knee. Spend so much time coding I don’t have time for relationships. But hoping to change that once the IPO goes through. Hit me back and tell me what my T-shirt said so I know it’s you.

MISSED CONNECTION: W4M

I think that was me you saw going into Curves. But I have to be honest. Since the Facebook IPO was announced, a lot of us Facebookers have been getting a lot of attention from gold diggers. I’m sort of shy and want to know if this is real. So just to be clear: I do work at Facebook, but I just started there. I really won’t be participating in the IPO tomorrow. Does that matter? Hit me back.

THINGS TO BUY

Need to buy a futon, a hot plate, a bike, a sofa, and an old Subaru. If you’re the guy who bought them from me, please understand that the IPO didn’t go as well as we all expected. I’d like to buy the stuff back.

MISSED CONNECTION: W4M

Hello?

#page#MISSED CONNECTION: W4M

Hello? I’m guessing you were only interested in me because of the Facebook IPO. Okay. I get that. But just so you know, I was a recent hire at Facebook, which is why I wasn’t part of the IPO. But I came there from Instagram, which they bought from me and six other people for about $1 billion. Not that it should matter, right?

MISSED CONNECTION: M4W

Hi! I never heard back from you! I’m the guy who locked eyes with you outside Caffe del Doge. Wondering if you’re still up for coffee or whatever. You were the brown-eyed beauty. I was the guy with the Facebook messenger bag. You asked about the IPO. Well, it didn’t go as well as expected, but I made enough to take care of that sixth finger and the backwards knee. Ready to start a wonderful new relationship. Hit me back!!!

THINGS FOR SALE:

2012 Bentley Convertible. Less than six days old. Less than 40 miles. Drove it from the dealer to my place and then to my Merrill Lynch office to watch the Facebook IPO price. MUST SELL.

MISSED CONNECTION: M4W

Hi there! Saw you going into Patsy’s Pizza on University with a Twitter messenger bag. Do you work there?? So cool!! You: fun, tall, great smile. Me: shy, loving, cuddler, looking for something long-term. Any interest in getting together for a slice and some great conversation? Any idea when Twitter is going to have an IPO?? Not that it matters. Just wondering.

Rob Long — Rob Long, Hollywood writer and producer, started his career as a screenwriter for the TV show Cheers. He is a regular writer for National Review, Newsweek International, and the Los ...

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