Magazine | August 27, 2012, Issue

TO: YUM! Brands

YUM! Brands

MarketGAY Public Relations

How to maximize YUM!’s position in the marketplace

This is a short document to “set the table” for our deeper discussions in the following week. Everyone here at MarketGAY PR is thrilled to have the opportunity to discuss our vision for YUM! Brands Quick-Serve Restaurant brands, especially the flagship KFC, Pizza Hut, and Taco Bell locations.

As you know, the current “crisis” in the QSR sector — Chick-fil-A’s trouble with the same-sex-marriage movement — has created an opportunity for YUM! that it would be foolish to ignore. Everyone knows that the Chinese character for “crisis” is the same as the character for “opportunity,” but did you also know that the Chinese logogram for “chicken sandwich” is very similar to the traditional Chinese logogram for “two men lying together within the Red Chamber”?

No one wants to see another American QSR suffer the way Chick-fil-A has. Although it may seem at first glance that Chick-fil-A’s sales have actually increased during this crisis period, it is foolish to imagine that any American QSR location can exist for long without identifying itself as “extremely gay” to the marketplace. Consumers have many choices about where to spend their QSR dollar, and offering them a homosexual option for their chicken, pizza, or informal Mexican cravings is just good business!

We here at MarketGAY PR are here to help you seize that market!

To get the ball rolling, we thought we’d send along our top “brainstorm” ideas for turning Chick-fil-A’s crisis into a YUM! Brands homopportunity™


Using sophisticated social-media marketing — including sponsored tweets, Facebook fan pages, and live-blogging via Tumblr — and combining it all with a carefully orchestrated product-placement campaign, we would like to utilize the gay-positive vibe of TV’s hit musical show Glee to rebrand KFC as a very gay place to eat. Ideally, the menu would need to become less carb-heavy, and the mashed-potato bowl would probably have to be retired completely, but that could be integrated within a Glee storyline, perhaps one in which all of the gay characters on the series — which is roughly all of them — decide to enjoy KFC’s skinless and boneless options.

#page#The Pizza Hut Men’s Gymnastics Challenge

Simply put, here’s an opportunity to narrowcast to specifically gay audiences by sponsoring a men’s gymnastics “Whirl Off.” Live events can take place in the Pizza Hut parking lots, and, even better, the event need not be “gay specific.” Let the phrase “Men’s Gymnastics” do all the work carrying the brand. Could also craft a tie-in for more adult markets and late-night advertisements with the popular Pizza Hut Meat Lovers™ Pizza.

The Colonel Marries Long John Silver

We recognize that LJS is no longer part of the YUM! Brands QSR portfolio, and yet we think that a cross-corporation market action here makes all kinds of sense and requires nothing in the way of brand-image rewriting, as both Long John Silver and Colonel Sanders are as yet unmarried and therefore seem “available.” In addition, men of a certain age who remain unmarried are almost always assumed — correctly — to be homosexual, which makes the “shock” value of the announcement less “shock” and more “value.” Could easily tie in an in-store “celebration” involving the popular “Party Bucket.”

Ricky Martin Presents Taco Bell!

Reaching out to the popular — and openly gay — Latin singer Ricky Martin seems like a perfect marriage of brand identification and gay pizzazz. Taco Bells are known for their late-night, post-club atmosphere — the menus are specifically designed to counter-balance a night spent dancing and drinking — and who better to bridge those two worlds than a certified pop star? All stores could be rebranded as Ricky Martin Presents Taco Bell™ in the current hip-hop style, reaching out to both a young generation of music fans and a core gay audience.

Pasta Bravo!

Pasta Bravo needs no rebranding. It’s gay enough.

The Chicken-on-Chicken Sandwich at KFC

We suggest creating a new menu item, a chicken patty sandwich with an additional — and identical — chicken patty resting on top of the original chicken patty, to thematically suggest that at KFC, it’s okay for two chickens to lie together.

This is just a snippet of what MarketGAY PR can do for YUM! Brands. The idea here is to knit the locations together via branding and trade dress — as you have already done with your combination KFC/Taco Bell stores — into a coherent and extremely gay brand identity.

We look forward to hearing your thoughts! And thanks again for allowing us to introduce you to the MarketGAY Team!

In This Issue


Politics & Policy

Olympian Self-Seriousness

It’s that orotund opening theme song that drags you into watching the Olympics, that inescapable Cecil B. DeMille bombast suggesting Vulcan beating a kettle drum. Bum-bum-ba-BUM-BUM-bum-bum-ba-BUM-BUM. Battle stations! Ramming speed! ...
Politics & Policy

Like a Boss

What do women want? The conventional biological wisdom is that men select mates for fertility, while women select for status — thus the commonness of younger women’s pairing with well-established ...
Politics & Policy

Four Challenges

Whoever wins the presidential election will have political responsibility for an economy beset by four distinct problems. At the moment neither party has a compelling answer to them. The first challenge ...


Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

Making War

‘The size of the internal American market and its wealth of buying power and also raw materials . . . guarantee the American automobile industry internal sales figures that alone ...
Politics & Policy

Veep Chaos

The day after Democratic presidential candidate George McGovern won the Massachusetts primary in 1972, reporter Robert D. Novak called around for comments. One of his sources, a liberal senator, provided ...
Politics & Policy

The Italian’s Job

‘I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect that the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism.”  When President Obama spoke these words, on ...
Politics & Policy

Shoring Up Fragments

Conservatives have long understood the importance of fighting the cultural war against the Left simultaneously with the much more straightforward and easily delineated economic and political wars. In many ways, ...
Politics & Policy

Blistering B-Listers!

There are few Hollywood career transitions more fraught than the leap from “star in the making” to movie star outright. Consider Colin Farrell: The handsome, roguish Irishman worked his way ...


Politics & Policy


Deep Hunger In “Quidditch, It’s Not” (July 30), Andrew Stuttaford has some positive things to say about the Hunger Games trilogy, but in the end he dismisses the series as basically ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ The Democrats are ramping up the invective. In just the first week of August, they called Romney a tax cheat, a murderer, and George W. Bush. ‐ In a victory ...
The Long View

TO: YUM! Brands

TO: YUM! Brands FROM: MarketGAY Public Relations IN RE: How to maximize YUM!’s position in the marketplace This is a short document to “set the table” for our deeper discussions in the following ...

Creation Unscience

Perhaps you read my latest popular-science book, Colons: How the New Science of Punctuation Is Changing Our Book Titles. I intended it to change the conversation about how we have ...
Politics & Policy


CHRISTENING A melancholy soul is penning verses downstairs, between two pillars and a post, imposing limitations on himself with rhyme and beat, for lack of confidence. The box fan makes a loosely grumbling host. Mahogany and ...

Most Popular

Politics & Policy

Hillary Ruins the Plan

Editor’s note: Andrew C. McCarthy’s new book is Ball of Collusion: The Plot to Rig an Election and Destroy a Presidency. This is the first in a series of excerpts.  There really was a collusion plot. It really did target our election system. It absolutely sought to usurp our capacity for ... Read More

An Insider’s Guide to Italian Insults

The tragicomic irony of Chris Cuomo’s pugilistic outburst earlier this week — cursing and physically threatening a man for taunting him with a reference to the movie The Godfather — is that the CNN anchor reinforced the usual tropes about Italian Americans. We are all wise-guys, goons, and Mafiosi, just ... Read More

Another Pop-Culture Christian Loses His Faith

It’s happened again. For the second time in three weeks, a prominent (at least in Evangelical circles) Christian has renounced his faith. In July, it was Josh Harris, a pastor and author of the mega-best-selling purity-culture book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. This month, it’s Hillsong United songwriter and ... Read More

The End of Hong Kong as We Know It

The protests in Hong Kong have been going on for more than four months now, and no matter how the current crisis concludes in the coming days or weeks, it will mark the end of Hong Kong as we know it. The protests started in response to an extradition bill that was proposed by the city’s Beijing-backed ... Read More
Economy & Business

The Great Mystery

Kevin Williamson disputes my characterization of his riposte. He writes: I wrote that people can choose what kind of work they want to do, and what kind of services they want to consume, without any help from Michael. Kevin then accuses me of being a stouthearted defender of the “Real America.” If ... Read More