1. Because he was not the one we were waiting for.
3. Because Julia needs to get off her lazy, federally subsidized butt, get a real job, and pay for her own damned birth-control pills.
4. Because lots of people fail at their first real job.
5. Because “Winning the Future” was not a very good slogan back in 2005 when it was Newt’s.
6. Because the country is ready for its first African-American former president.
7. To give him the free time to write his third memoir.
8. Because he’ll have even more “flexibility” after November if he’s back in Chicago.
9. Joe Biden.