Magazine December 3, 2012, Issue

National Review Post-Election Cruise 2012

Special Program Note: Some events have been adjusted or replaced since Election Day.

Monday, November 12: San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “What Went Wrong.” National Review editors and contributors in a roundtable discussion about Election Day. Jonah Goldberg moderates. Participants include Rich Lowry, Jay Nordlinger, and Robert Costa.

7:30 p.m.: Cocktail Reception, Queen’s Lounge Promenade Deck. All registered guests are invited to the Queen’s Lounge for informal drinks and conversation.

8 p.m.: The Viking Culinary Arts and Education Centre (Navigation Deck), Pre-dinner event: “The Torture and Dismemberment of Todd Akin.”

All registered guests are invited to join National Review editors and contributors in the ritual torture and dismemberment of failed U.S. Senate candidate from Missouri Todd Akin. Participation is first-come-first-served. Smocks and protective goggles are available for purchase at the Help Desk beginning two hours before the event. Tools will be provided. Please note: Mr. Akin will NOT be sedated or restrained during this event. He will be held down by Campaign Spot blogger Jim Geraghty. All participants MUST sign a release waiver BEFORE participating in the event. Dress: Smart casual.

Tuesday, November 13: At Sea

3:30 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “Winning Hispanics and Asians.” Syndicated columnist Mona Charen leads a discussion with UC-Berkeley law professor John Yoo on conservative outreach in minority communities.

5:45 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “Learning From Our Mistakes.” Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus discusses the key takeaways from the election. How does the party learn from its mistakes, how does it reform its message and voter outreach, and how do conservatives win again?

6:30 p.m.: Upper Promenade Deck, Reince Priebus executed by firing squad. Dress: Formal.

Wednesday, November 14: Turks & Caicos Islands

All Day Event: During all planned afternoon presentations, Republican strategist Karl Rove will be onstage in leg irons and a ball gag, arms tied behind his back. He will be available for taunting and prodding by registered participants throughout the program. All taunters and prodders MUST wear their official NR cruise name badge. NO ONE will be allowed to approach Mr. Rove without having signed up in advance. Please see National Review publisher Jack Fowler to sign up for a five-minute window. Please avoid bruising or wounding Mr. Rove or in any way rendering him inedible. (See Saturday’s program: “Farewell Luau” for further information.)

#page#Thursday, November 15: Grand Cayman

10 a.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “What Went Wrong II.”  National Review editor Jay Nordlinger interviews former Romney campaign adviser Stuart Stevens on the campaign strategy, its media efforts, and its overall tactical perspective.  Mr. Stevens has graciously agreed to answer questions from registered attendees.

11:30 a.m.: Outside Observation Deck, “Stu Stevens Takes a Swim.” Former Romney campaign adviser Stuart Stevens will be wrapped tightly in plastic wrap, which will be duct-taped shut by National Review contributors Jim Geraghty and Robert Costa, after which Mr. Stevens will be thrown overboard. PLEASE NOTE: Space is limited on the Outside Observation Deck. Participants who wish to witness this fun event will be chosen by lottery. Please see  National Review Online editor-at-large Kathryn Lopez for details.

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

Friday, November 16: Half Moon Cay, Bahamas

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

Saturday, November 17: At Sea

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

6:30 p.m.: Lido Deck Aft, Farewell Luau.  Participants gather for the gala farewell dinner. Drinks and passed appetizers will be available on the outside deck, to the rear of the ship. Enjoy our final sunset together in a convivial and fun atmosphere.

7 p.m.: Lido Deck Aft, “Run, Karl, Run.” Mr. Rove will be released and allowed to run for his life. All registered participants are encouraged to chase after him with pointed sticks until he is cornered in some godforsaken part of the Holland America Line’s flagship Nieuw Amsterdam. Mr. Rove will then be dragged throughout the ship and roasted alive. PLEASE NOTE: This will be “family” service, with vegetables and sides served buffet-style. Dress: Athletic wear, good running shoes.

 

In This Issue

Articles

Politics & Policy

Redeeming Obamacare

Sometimes it is hard to accept defeat. On December 18, 1974, Teruo Nakamura, the last known holdout from the Imperial Japanese Army, finally surrendered to Indonesian authorities. It may take ...
Politics & Policy

What Would Jindal Do?

On Tuesday, November 13, just one week after a dispiriting presidential election for the GOP, reporter Jonathan Martin of Politico published an interview with Bobby Jindal, the Republican governor of ...
Politics & Policy

O Fortuna

Conservatives are natural pessimists, based on a realism about fallible human nature that fuels our opposition to the coercive utopianism of the Left. The Founders shared this pessimism about human ...
Politics & Policy

Amnesty Is No Solution

Barack Obama’s popularity with Hispanics — he won 71 percent of the Hispanic vote — has triggered a stampede among Republican political and opinion leaders to support “comprehensive immigration reform.” The ...
Politics & Policy

Against the Tide

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Politics & Policy

Who Cares?

Almost anyone who has studied the Declaration of Independence has been told at some point that, in reality, it offers Americans the sober promise of life, liberty, and property rather ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

Flesh and Blood

Few Hollywood career turns have been more disappointing than Robert Zemeckis’s. The director who once gave the world Back to the Future has spent most of the last decade exploring ...

Sections

Politics & Policy

Letters

Two Historians Thank you for articles of great interest on Eugene Genovese (“Up from Leftism,” November 14, 2011) and Eric Hobsbawm (“The Tyrants’ Historian,” October 29, 2012). It would have been illuminating ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ At least now, when the president blames the guy in his job four years ago, he’ll be right. ‐ That was a thumping, make no mistake. A failed president earns ...
Athwart

A Message of Compromisers

It’s only a matter of time before Chris Matthews announces that the amendment limiting presidents to two terms is, in fact, racist. There will be a great lusty national clamor ...
Politics & Policy

Poetry

With My Parents at Twenty-One They face the hotel ceiling sky Like restful fresh sarcophagi. His snores are gulls that dart and skim Along her ear’s marina rim. I used to have the pluck and ...
Happy Warrior

Bond in Bankruptcy

For some reason, the quadrennial humiliation of the Republican presidential candidate now coincides with the release of the new Bond movie. Don’t ask me why; probably a constitutional amendment I ...

Most Popular

Immigration

The Party’s Over — No More Guest(worker)s

Last month's Presidential Proclamation temporarily suspending a tiny sliver of permanent immigration in response to Great Depression 2.0 also called for a review of the alphabet soup of foreign-worker programs. The relevant cabinet departments were instructed to offer recommendations "to stimulate the United ... Read More
Immigration

The Party’s Over — No More Guest(worker)s

Last month's Presidential Proclamation temporarily suspending a tiny sliver of permanent immigration in response to Great Depression 2.0 also called for a review of the alphabet soup of foreign-worker programs. The relevant cabinet departments were instructed to offer recommendations "to stimulate the United ... Read More
U.S.

Unsustainable America

Americans are having fewer babies than ever, or at least than since the government began tracking the general fertility rate in 1909. The total fertility rate ticked down to 1.7 in 2019, meaning that the average number of babies an American woman would have over her lifetime is well below replacement ... Read More
U.S.

Unsustainable America

Americans are having fewer babies than ever, or at least than since the government began tracking the general fertility rate in 1909. The total fertility rate ticked down to 1.7 in 2019, meaning that the average number of babies an American woman would have over her lifetime is well below replacement ... Read More

The Makings of Modern Madness

The paradigm of mind–brain dualism, like the story of syphilis, is by no means virgin territory. However, Allan Ropper and Brian Burrell’s How The Brain Lost Its Mind: Sex, Hysteria, and the Riddle of Mental Illness puts both the legacy of dualism and the story of syphilis under the microscope, and offers a ... Read More

The Makings of Modern Madness

The paradigm of mind–brain dualism, like the story of syphilis, is by no means virgin territory. However, Allan Ropper and Brian Burrell’s How The Brain Lost Its Mind: Sex, Hysteria, and the Riddle of Mental Illness puts both the legacy of dualism and the story of syphilis under the microscope, and offers a ... Read More
World

‘Professor Lockdown’ Modeler Resigns in Disgrace

Neil Ferguson is the British academic who created the infamous Imperial College model that warned Boris Johnson that, without an immediate lockdown, the coronavirus would cause 500,000 deaths and swamp the National Health Service. Johnson’s government promptly abandoned its Sweden-like “social ... Read More
World

‘Professor Lockdown’ Modeler Resigns in Disgrace

Neil Ferguson is the British academic who created the infamous Imperial College model that warned Boris Johnson that, without an immediate lockdown, the coronavirus would cause 500,000 deaths and swamp the National Health Service. Johnson’s government promptly abandoned its Sweden-like “social ... Read More

John Wayne: The Hero We Need Now

America fits into John Wayne's filmography, and this does not make America small. It makes John Wayne huge. The coronavirus has brought us back to the Wild West. Lonely lives, deserted streets, looks of distrust, and whiskey for throat disinfection; the scientific community has not made an official statement as ... Read More

John Wayne: The Hero We Need Now

America fits into John Wayne's filmography, and this does not make America small. It makes John Wayne huge. The coronavirus has brought us back to the Wild West. Lonely lives, deserted streets, looks of distrust, and whiskey for throat disinfection; the scientific community has not made an official statement as ... Read More