Magazine | December 3, 2012, Issue

National Review Post-Election Cruise 2012

Special Program Note: Some events have been adjusted or replaced since Election Day.

Monday, November 12: San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “What Went Wrong.” National Review editors and contributors in a roundtable discussion about Election Day. Jonah Goldberg moderates. Participants include Rich Lowry, Jay Nordlinger, and Robert Costa.

7:30 p.m.: Cocktail Reception, Queen’s Lounge Promenade Deck. All registered guests are invited to the Queen’s Lounge for informal drinks and conversation.

8 p.m.: The Viking Culinary Arts and Education Centre (Navigation Deck), Pre-dinner event: “The Torture and Dismemberment of Todd Akin.”

All registered guests are invited to join National Review editors and contributors in the ritual torture and dismemberment of failed U.S. Senate candidate from Missouri Todd Akin. Participation is first-come-first-served. Smocks and protective goggles are available for purchase at the Help Desk beginning two hours before the event. Tools will be provided. Please note: Mr. Akin will NOT be sedated or restrained during this event. He will be held down by Campaign Spot blogger Jim Geraghty. All participants MUST sign a release waiver BEFORE participating in the event. Dress: Smart casual.

Tuesday, November 13: At Sea

3:30 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “Winning Hispanics and Asians.” Syndicated columnist Mona Charen leads a discussion with UC-Berkeley law professor John Yoo on conservative outreach in minority communities.

5:45 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “Learning From Our Mistakes.” Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus discusses the key takeaways from the election. How does the party learn from its mistakes, how does it reform its message and voter outreach, and how do conservatives win again?

6:30 p.m.: Upper Promenade Deck, Reince Priebus executed by firing squad. Dress: Formal.

Wednesday, November 14: Turks & Caicos Islands

All Day Event: During all planned afternoon presentations, Republican strategist Karl Rove will be onstage in leg irons and a ball gag, arms tied behind his back. He will be available for taunting and prodding by registered participants throughout the program. All taunters and prodders MUST wear their official NR cruise name badge. NO ONE will be allowed to approach Mr. Rove without having signed up in advance. Please see National Review publisher Jack Fowler to sign up for a five-minute window. Please avoid bruising or wounding Mr. Rove or in any way rendering him inedible. (See Saturday’s program: “Farewell Luau” for further information.)

#page#Thursday, November 15: Grand Cayman

10 a.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “What Went Wrong II.”  National Review editor Jay Nordlinger interviews former Romney campaign adviser Stuart Stevens on the campaign strategy, its media efforts, and its overall tactical perspective.  Mr. Stevens has graciously agreed to answer questions from registered attendees.

11:30 a.m.: Outside Observation Deck, “Stu Stevens Takes a Swim.” Former Romney campaign adviser Stuart Stevens will be wrapped tightly in plastic wrap, which will be duct-taped shut by National Review contributors Jim Geraghty and Robert Costa, after which Mr. Stevens will be thrown overboard. PLEASE NOTE: Space is limited on the Outside Observation Deck. Participants who wish to witness this fun event will be chosen by lottery. Please see  National Review Online editor-at-large Kathryn Lopez for details.

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

Friday, November 16: Half Moon Cay, Bahamas

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

Saturday, November 17: At Sea

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

6:30 p.m.: Lido Deck Aft, Farewell Luau.  Participants gather for the gala farewell dinner. Drinks and passed appetizers will be available on the outside deck, to the rear of the ship. Enjoy our final sunset together in a convivial and fun atmosphere.

7 p.m.: Lido Deck Aft, “Run, Karl, Run.” Mr. Rove will be released and allowed to run for his life. All registered participants are encouraged to chase after him with pointed sticks until he is cornered in some godforsaken part of the Holland America Line’s flagship Nieuw Amsterdam. Mr. Rove will then be dragged throughout the ship and roasted alive. PLEASE NOTE: This will be “family” service, with vegetables and sides served buffet-style. Dress: Athletic wear, good running shoes.

 

In This Issue

Articles

Politics & Policy

Against the Tide

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Politics & Policy

Who Cares?

Almost anyone who has studied the Declaration of Independence has been told at some point that, in reality, it offers Americans the sober promise of life, liberty, and property rather ...
Politics & Policy

Redeeming Obamacare

Sometimes it is hard to accept defeat. On December 18, 1974, Teruo Nakamura, the last known holdout from the Imperial Japanese Army, finally surrendered to Indonesian authorities. It may take ...
Politics & Policy

What Would Jindal Do?

On Tuesday, November 13, just one week after a dispiriting presidential election for the GOP, reporter Jonathan Martin of Politico published an interview with Bobby Jindal, the Republican governor of ...
Politics & Policy

O Fortuna

Conservatives are natural pessimists, based on a realism about fallible human nature that fuels our opposition to the coercive utopianism of the Left. The Founders shared this pessimism about human ...
Politics & Policy

Amnesty Is No Solution

Barack Obama’s popularity with Hispanics — he won 71 percent of the Hispanic vote — has triggered a stampede among Republican political and opinion leaders to support “comprehensive immigration reform.” The ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

Flesh and Blood

Few Hollywood career turns have been more disappointing than Robert Zemeckis’s. The director who once gave the world Back to the Future has spent most of the last decade exploring ...

Sections

Happy Warrior

Bond in Bankruptcy

For some reason, the quadrennial humiliation of the Republican presidential candidate now coincides with the release of the new Bond movie. Don’t ask me why; probably a constitutional amendment I ...
Politics & Policy

Letters

Two Historians Thank you for articles of great interest on Eugene Genovese (“Up from Leftism,” November 14, 2011) and Eric Hobsbawm (“The Tyrants’ Historian,” October 29, 2012). It would have been illuminating ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ At least now, when the president blames the guy in his job four years ago, he’ll be right. ‐ That was a thumping, make no mistake. A failed president earns ...
Athwart

A Message of Compromisers

It’s only a matter of time before Chris Matthews announces that the amendment limiting presidents to two terms is, in fact, racist. There will be a great lusty national clamor ...
Politics & Policy

Poetry

With My Parents at Twenty-One They face the hotel ceiling sky Like restful fresh sarcophagi. His snores are gulls that dart and skim Along her ear’s marina rim. I used to have the pluck and ...

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The Problem with Certainty

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is Jonah Goldberg’s weekly “news”letter, the G-File. Subscribe here to get the G-File delivered to your inbox on Fridays. Dear Reader (Including those of you having this read to you while you white-knuckle the steering wheel trying to get to wherever you’re going for the ... Read More
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The Worst Cover-Up of All Time

President Donald Trump may be guilty of many things, but a cover-up in the Mueller probe isn’t one of them. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, attempting to appease forces in the Democratic party eager for impeachment, is accusing him of one, with all the familiar Watergate connotations. The charge is strange, ... Read More
World

Theresa May: A Political Obituary

On Friday, Theresa May, perhaps the worst Conservative prime minister in recent history, announced her resignation outside of number 10 Downing Street. She will step down effective June 7. “I have done my best,” she insisted. “I have done everything I can. . . . I believe it was right to persevere even ... Read More
PC Culture

TV Before PC

Affixing one’s glance to the rear-view mirror is usually as ill-advised as staring at one’s own reflection. Still, what a delight it was on Wednesday to see a fresh rendition of “Those Were the Days,” from All in the Family, a show I haven’t watched for nearly 40 years. This time it was Woody Harrelson ... Read More
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The Democrats’ Other Class War

There is a class war going on inside the Democratic party. Consider these two cris de couer: Writing in the New York Times under the headline “America’s Cities Are Unlivable — Blame Wealthy Liberals,” Farhad Manjoo argues that rich progressives have, through their political domination of cities such as ... Read More
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The Deepfake of Nancy Pelosi

You’ve almost made it to a three-day weekend! Making the click-through worthwhile: A quick note about how National Review needs your help, concerns about “deepfakes” of Nancy Pelosi, one of the most cringe-inducing radio interviews of all time, some news about where to find me and the book in the near ... Read More
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For Democrats, the Party’s Over

If the Democrats are really tempted by impeachment, bring it on. Since the day after the 2016 election they have been threatening this, placing their chips on the Russian-collusion fantasy and then on the phantasmagoric charade of obstruction of justice. The attorney general accurately gave the ingredients of the ... Read More
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America’s Best Defense Against Socialism

The United States of America has flummoxed socialists since the nineteenth century. Marx himself couldn’t quite understand why the most advanced economy in the world stubbornly refused to transition to socialism. Marxist theory predicts the immiseration of the proletariat and subsequent revolution from below. ... Read More