Magazine January 28, 2013, Issue

From the Twitter feed of Kim Jong Un @youthcaptain:

Just found out that I’m going to be a father. Really puts stuff in perspective. Had a couple of people executed today and it really made me think about the circle of life.

Still waiting for a baby-shower gift from @barackobama. Was invited to the event at the Pyongyang W hotel and didn’t RSVP or anything. A gift is de rigueur. #rudeness

Hey @kimkardashian! We’re pregnant too! DM me and let’s set up some playdates! Pyongyang has some really nice parks and I’m constructing a large Gymboree.

I do not understand why everyone freaked out when I said we’re going to name our child Troy if he’s a boy or Brittney if she’s a girl. #northkoreaneedstogetwithit

Have almost perfected my own “Gangnam Style” dance moves, which are not only better than the original but semi-nude. Good thing folks here haven’t seen the South Korean one! #benefitsofahermitkingdom

You call that a deal? Roll over some more, why don’t you? #fireboehner

Told my wife that now that she’s pregnant she’s getting fat. She made a very hurtful comment back to me, about my perfectly normal body composition. I may have to have her imprisoned after the birth. #hardchoicesofleadership

Watched a missile launch with @generaljoon and @fieldmarshalyoo. Didn’t go so well. Having trouble getting the missiles to launch without exploding. Made a joke, “Good thing I don’t have that problem,” and got nada. Crickets. #nosenseofhumor

Got odd congrats call from Chinese president. Offered to help protect @troykim or @brittneykim should the need arise. Asked what he meant. He said not everyone is happy there’s a new heir. Paranoid?

Any of my Tweeps out there in the fashion biz? Looking for new jumpsuit material. Old stuff chafes. Fabric shouldn’t do this to skin, should it? twitpic.54f67j

Understand that gun control is a big issue, but don’t need to be lectured about it from a Brit. #deportpiers

Hey @katemiddleton! We’re pregnant too! We should get together! Like to think we’re kinda sorta royalty here, so have that in common. Also: Please follow me back so I can DM you. Need to ask you a big favor, re: small cash crunch I’m facing.

Wondered aloud today in a meeting if maybe we should host an International Baby Summit, and have all celebs and their babies come to Pyongyang for a meeting in re: world peace or whatever. @unclejoon took a pencil and stabbed my hand. #thinkoutsidethebox

#page#Any of my Tweeps in the admissions office of @daltonschoolny or @phillipsexeter? Want to start application proceedings now! DM me! Can pay tuition in ginseng or counterfeit dollars.

Wondering what @radaronline would pay for exclusive photos of the birth of @troykim or @brittneykim. Anyone have an idea? Can be as graphic as necessary. Will accept payment via PayPal.

Anyone know where the nearest @babygap is to Pyongyang? Need to stock up on onesies.

Another missile launch, this one a lot more successful. Missile flew in the air for several seconds. Wondered to @generaljoon and @fieldmarshalyoo if maybe we should coordinate a general multi-target missile launch with birth of @troykim or @brittneykim. Again, zero response. #whosinchargehere

Understand that some people think @fayeresnick was out of line when she went after @brandi on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills but I like her moxie. #needmorechickslikethatinpyongyang

Reaching for another cookie in a meeting, and @generaljoon made comment about the baby not knowing whose breasts were bigger, mine or my wife’s. Everyone laughed. I died inside. #thelonelinessofthefatkid

Hey! @lindsaylohan! We’re going to need a nanny in about eight months and I can’t think of a better one than you! DM me so we can set it up!

How hard would it be to kidnap the “Gangnam Style” dude and have him here to teach my child how to dance? Future leaders are going to have to be able to dance and sing, is my feeling. Once he’s passed on his art, I could just have him executed. #worldhero

Hey! @kimkardashian! Waiting for you to follow me back so I can DM you! Wondering if you could share some dieting tips with the Missus. You look great! She looks bloated and puffy. #wivesarealsogirlfriends

Have reached out several times, @barackobama, to talk about gun control in your country. We have it here in North Korea and it’s been very effective in eliminating gun crimes. Added plus: enslaved population. Follow me back so I can DM you. #weshouldhelpeachother

Suddenly wondering if Troy is best choice for a boy name. Deciding now between Kanye and Bradley. Like the sound of @kanyekim though.

In This Issue

Articles

Politics & Policy

Off the Cliff

For a few weeks around New Year’s Day, Washington, D.C., turned topsy-turvy. Well, topsy-turvier than usual. Conservative groups blasted a huge tax increase, the Congressional Budget Office estimated the size ...
Politics & Policy

Nixon at 100

As President Nixon sat in the Oval Office on Wednesday, June 2, 1971, the sun’s rays splashing brilliantly across the blue and gold carpet embroidered with the presidential seal, he ...
Politics & Policy

Bork Vivant

Was Bob Bork’s nomination to the Supreme Court finally undone by the fact that he had a beard? Not that his beard was the sole obstacle, of course. The vicious ...

Features

Politics & Policy

Race and the Constitution

November’s electoral setbacks have prompted conservatives to reconsider their beliefs and rhetoric on a variety of issues. While they debate new ideas on immigration, taxes, and entitlements, they should not ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

Nation-Building

The emergence and ultimate ascendance of the English-speaking peoples — the Anglosphere — is the salient fact of modern history. And the colonization of America is the turning point in ...
Politics & Policy

City of Lights

‘From the moment it began,” argues Michael Neiberg, a history professor at the Army War College in Carlisle, Pa., “the liberation of Paris was an almost mythical affair.” He is ...
City Desk

Pigeon Watching

The city has been great for species other than man — roaches and rats; cats and dogs; once upon a time, horses. Another big winner in the lottery of urbanization ...

Sections

Happy Warrior

The Veil Descends

In the summer of 2010, mourners lined the streets of Wales’s capital city to pay tribute to a seven-year-old boy killed in a house fire. In fact, Yaseen Ali Ege ...
Politics & Policy

Letters

O’Neill Uncensored In his memoir In Confidence, former Soviet ambassador Anatoly Dobrynin wrote of an encounter he had had with House speaker Tip O’Neill: “O’Neill said no effort should be spared ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ Egyptian prosecutors are investigating a popular television comedian for insulting the president. That could never happen here. When do popular television comedians insult the president? ‐ Chuck Hagel, the Republican ...
Athwart

Keep the Change

There are many compelling reasons to mint a trillion-dollar coin, including “plot device for Mission: Impossible 5.” The coin has been stolen, and nefarious enemies of the United States intend ...
Politics & Policy

Poetry

SCRAPS The hunt, for both, was empty as the light blue sky . . . the solitary gull and the eagle, at day’s end, find what little remains from the ice fisherman’s bucket; the gull landing ...

Most Popular

Media

The Unrelenting Assault on President Trump

There has never been a presidential campaign in the United States where the administration was so massively opposed by the principal media outlets as in this election. Nor, in at least a century, have the national political media so widely and thoroughly discarded the traditional criterion for journalistic ... Read More
Media

The Unrelenting Assault on President Trump

There has never been a presidential campaign in the United States where the administration was so massively opposed by the principal media outlets as in this election. Nor, in at least a century, have the national political media so widely and thoroughly discarded the traditional criterion for journalistic ... Read More
Education

Destroy the ‘Public’ Education System

‘Public” schools have been a catastrophe for the United States. This certainly isn’t an original assertion, but as we watch thousands of authoritarian brats tearing down the legacies of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, it’s more apparent than ever. State-run schools have undercut two fundamental ... Read More
Education

Destroy the ‘Public’ Education System

‘Public” schools have been a catastrophe for the United States. This certainly isn’t an original assertion, but as we watch thousands of authoritarian brats tearing down the legacies of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, it’s more apparent than ever. State-run schools have undercut two fundamental ... Read More
Culture

Two NFL Apologies

So Drew Brees defended the American flag and all it stands for, said he didn’t agree with kneeling for the national anthem and correctly described this gesture of open disrespect as disrespect. "Is everything right with our country right now?" said the Saints' future Hall of Famer. "No, it is not. We still have ... Read More
Culture

Two NFL Apologies

So Drew Brees defended the American flag and all it stands for, said he didn’t agree with kneeling for the national anthem and correctly described this gesture of open disrespect as disrespect. "Is everything right with our country right now?" said the Saints' future Hall of Famer. "No, it is not. We still have ... Read More
Politics & Policy

Chesterton’s Cops

Conservatives are big on “Chesterton’s fence.” That’s G. K. Chesterton’s principle that you cannot reform what you do not understand, that you should not for the sake of convenience knock down a fence until you understand why it was put up in the first place. When encountering a fence in his way, ... Read More
Politics & Policy

Chesterton’s Cops

Conservatives are big on “Chesterton’s fence.” That’s G. K. Chesterton’s principle that you cannot reform what you do not understand, that you should not for the sake of convenience knock down a fence until you understand why it was put up in the first place. When encountering a fence in his way, ... Read More
Culture

Why Progressives Wage War on History

Princeton University’s decision to remove the name “Woodrow Wilson” from its School of Public and International Affairs is a big win for progressive activists, and the implications will extend far beyond the campus. It hardly surprises me, in today’s polarizing environment, that my alma mater caved to ... Read More
Culture

Why Progressives Wage War on History

Princeton University’s decision to remove the name “Woodrow Wilson” from its School of Public and International Affairs is a big win for progressive activists, and the implications will extend far beyond the campus. It hardly surprises me, in today’s polarizing environment, that my alma mater caved to ... Read More
Regulatory Policy

Going Medieval

Writing in Bloomberg, Noah Smith gives more than a nod to Peter Turchin’s theory of elite overproduction (or, as Smith neatly relabels the phenomenon, “elite over-competition”) as a cause of the current wave of turmoil in the West, something with which I would agree but, I think, more emphatically. Quite ... Read More
Regulatory Policy

Going Medieval

Writing in Bloomberg, Noah Smith gives more than a nod to Peter Turchin’s theory of elite overproduction (or, as Smith neatly relabels the phenomenon, “elite over-competition”) as a cause of the current wave of turmoil in the West, something with which I would agree but, I think, more emphatically. Quite ... Read More
U.S.

Bad News about the Virus

On the menu today: an important update about indications that the coronavirus is now more contagious than it used to be, with far-reaching ramifications for how we fight this pandemic; a point on the recent complaints about the Paycheck Protection Program; and a new book for everyone closely following the debate ... Read More
U.S.

Bad News about the Virus

On the menu today: an important update about indications that the coronavirus is now more contagious than it used to be, with far-reaching ramifications for how we fight this pandemic; a point on the recent complaints about the Paycheck Protection Program; and a new book for everyone closely following the debate ... Read More

Canceled, &c.

There was a headline last week: “Boeing Communications Chief Resigns Over Decades-Old Article on Women in Combat.” Find the story here. It explains that “Niel Golightly abruptly resigned on Thursday, following an employee’s complaint over an article the former U.S. military pilot wrote 33 years ago ... Read More

Canceled, &c.

There was a headline last week: “Boeing Communications Chief Resigns Over Decades-Old Article on Women in Combat.” Find the story here. It explains that “Niel Golightly abruptly resigned on Thursday, following an employee’s complaint over an article the former U.S. military pilot wrote 33 years ago ... Read More