Magazine June 2, 2014, Issue

Wilson & Sterling: A Professional Corporation

Wilson & Sterling

A professional corporation

IN RE: CLINTON/CLINTON CONTINUATION OF MARRIAGE AGREEMENT 2000, AND ADDENDA, UPDATED MAY 2014

Dear Steve:

Many thanks for the phone call yesterday. As you know, my client, former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton [hereinafter referred to as MY CLIENT and/or HRC], treasures the relationship she enjoys with your client, former President William Jefferson Clinton [hereinafter referred to as YOUR CLIENT and/or Former POTUS], and as such, prefers to communicate with him entirely via counsel. To that end, please convey to your client best wishes from my client, and please thank him for the lovely Mother’s Day flowers that were sent by your office at Wilmer, Patton.

Pleasantries aside, I have to say, though, that we’re both confused about your client’s most recent “offer.” As you recall, the original document of JUNE 2000 — and I draw special attention to Appendix XXIV: Baggage, Background, Old Business, with new side letters attached and dated OCTOBER 2004, JANUARY 2008, and MAY 2012

 – encoded and enshrined the contractually obligated response by your client to any “resurfacing” (your words, not ours) or “reemerging” into the public eye that may or may not occur via the public-relations outreach efforts of Monica Lewinsky [hereinafter referred to as THAT WOMAN]. His obligations are to remain silent, to refuse all offers of comment and public statement, and to ignore any temptations to veer from the agreed-upon response.

So your offer, at this late date, in wake of That Woman’s recent multi-page spread in Vanity Fair, for some kind of “public act of affection” between my client and yours, or, more awkward, some kind of “public hug” or “accidentally photographed private kiss,” seems to both my client and her counsel to be, in legal terms, creepy.

That said, we remain pleased with your client’s compliance in all other areas of our agreement. And we remind you and him that the already agreed-upon HANDS-OFF, GIRL-FREE period begins Labor Day 2014, at the unofficial commencement of my client’s run for your client’s former office.

With best wishes,

Greg

Wilmer, Patton

A professional corporation

IN RE: CLINTON/CLINTON CONTINUATION OF MARRIAGE AGREEMENT 2000, AND ADDENDA, UPDATED MAY 2014

Dear Greg:

Many thanks for your letter. Like your client, my client and his counsel are delighted with the progress of the CLINTON/CLINTON CONTINUATION OF MARRIAGE AGREEMENT, both in its original 2,854-page form and its subsequent adjustments, now totaling over 20,000 pages, including exhibits and appendices.

I think you’ll agree that this agreement and its execution remain a great testament to the legal profession. A loving, happy, and deeply committed marriage has been carefully and successfully navigated through the exclusive use of counsel and legally binding agreement. Both of our clients, if I may speak so frankly, have had a deeper, more loving, and more permanent relationship since they ceased direct communication and turned it all over to the attorneys.

Still, it’s puzzling to both my client and his counsel that your side would be so instantly dismissive of what was, in fact, a good-faith offer to craft and execute a Public Display of Affection. As I know you know, these orchestrated events are part of the general Code of Particular Conduct enumerated in Appendix LX: Hugging, Touching, Squeezing for the Voters, which was carefully and exhaustively designed during the 2006–2008 campaign season.

But perhaps we weren’t entirely clear. What my client was proposing was not a PDA event designed to mitigate whatever small damage was caused by That Woman’s recent public resurfacing. On the contrary, what my client was solely concerned with — and here I think we’ll all have to recognize that my client, your client’s dearly loved and closely held “husband,” is a masterful political strategist — was an event designed to preempt and defang the upcoming House investigation into the Benghazi affair. Often, when one partner is in political trouble, a public display of affection can do wonders for public perception.

But if your client wishes to ignore that advice, or is confident that the upcoming House hearings will come to naught, then the offer is respectfully withdrawn.

With best wishes,

Steve

Wilson & Sterling

A professional corporation

IN RE: CLINTON/CLINTON CONTINUATION OF MARRIAGE AGREEMENT 2000, AND ADDENDA, UPDATED MAY 2014

Dear Steve:

In retrospect, we may have been too hasty. Can we talk on the phone at your earliest convenience about arranging a PDA photo-op to coincide with the Benghazi hearings?

Best,

Greg

Wilmer, Patton

A professional corporation

IN RE: CLINTON/CLINTON CONTINUATION OF MARRIAGE AGREEMENT 2000, AND ADDENDA, UPDATED MAY 2014

Dear Greg:

Thanks for your note. Would be happy to talk schedules anytime. My client is eager to touch your client publicly.

Also, in light of our willingness to help out here, would appreciate a 90-day extension on the HANDS-OFF, GIRL-FREE period, to commence no sooner than Q1 2015. May be able to get my client to wiggle back to 1 December 2014, but that would be final final.

Best,

Steve

In This Issue

Articles

Features

Politics & Policy

Tall Cotton

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Books, Arts & Manners

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A Green Scam

In this corner, we have a human-rights lawyer representing the interests of indigenous people in the Amazon residing in a remote corner of Ecuador polluted by the by-products of oil ...
Politics & Policy

A Christo Garland

I’d known for years that Christopher Buckley was an amusing man. His novel Thank You for Smoking (1994), for example, had me crying, yes crying, with laughter. But it wasn’t ...
Politics & Policy

Reinhart at Home

One of America’s last literary lions has stopped writing novels, and hardly anybody has noticed. “Around age 85, I did write a 24th novel, really more of a novella,” Thomas Berger ...

Sections

Politics & Policy

Letters

Into the Woods “Public-Land Colonialism,” by Travis Kavulla (May 19 issue), does a good job of describing Cliven Bundy’s battle with the Bureau of Land Management (BLM). However, it gives the ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

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Poetry

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