Magazine | January 26, 2015, Issue

Welcome to the New Congress!

Congratulations on being a Member of the 114th Congress. We’re off to an exciting start!

If you’re a Member of the Republican Caucus, please continue reading. If you’re a Member of the Democratic Caucus, please skip this section and go directly to the “To Members of the Democratic Caucus” section below.

 

To Members of the Republican Caucus:

We’re pleased to have you here. We know the first few days of any Congress can be hectic and confusing, so feel free to reach out to any Welcome Staff person — in the American-flag T-shirts — for anything.

Some announcements:

Packing boxes are collected at the end of the day. Please direct your staff to place all empty boxes in the hallways in front of the collection points. Collection points are clearly marked, directly in front of the office doors of Members of the Democratic Caucus.

The “How to Spot a White Supremacist Organization” seminar is required for all new and returning Members of the Republican Caucus. This seminar will help new and old Members avoid embarrassing fundraising events. It will be held hourly in the Frederick Muhlenberg Room in Rayburn. Please note: Do not send a staffperson. Members must come in person. Session begins with some light Bible study.

Senator Ted Cruz is available all week for informal counseling and drop-in services.

The Deniably Erotic Book Club will not meet this week. It’s just too crazy. We will meet next week in the Charles Frederick Crisp Language Arts Center in Rayburn. Please come with some suggestions for this Congress’s book list. Past books are on our Facebook page — invitation required — so please do not suggest books that have been read in the previous two Congresses. New Members welcome! Session begins with some light Bible study.

Your caucus now has a media hub for podcasting and social-media operations! Don’t know what that means? Come to the Media Open House and find out! Drop by between 12:00 p.m. and 5 p.m. anytime this week to be introduced to the equipment and the staff. Located in the old Nancy Pelosi Yoga Studio in Cannon.

The “Team Dump Boehner” group will be meeting for an informal get-to-know-you ice-cream social this afternoon at 4 p.m. in the Card Room in Longworth. Mix and mingle with other Members of the Dump Boehner coalition, have some scrumptious ice cream, and relax with new and old colleagues. All are welcome, including the undecided and the simply curious. No judgments and no expectations.

Need a new intern? Want to swap out your old ones? Come to the Intern Swap with interns to trade and/or replace. Please arrive before 3 p.m. with all of the interns you’re swapping in order for the organizers to make the right arrangements. Please note: Intern Swap has been rescheduled to next week due to budgetary issues.

New Members are cordially invited to the Sixth Annual Fox News Steak and Shake Mixer at Del Frisco’s steakhouse, 950 I Street NW. This is a great time to get to know your fellow congressmen and get some tips and pointers from media professionals on hair care, weight loss, anger concealment, and proper wardrobe fit. The event starts at 6:30 p.m., but get there early for the famous Bret Baier Blooming-Onion Toss. Note: This invitation is a plus-one.

Like to craft but don’t know where? Join the Republican Caucus Crafters Guild, meeting in Howell Cobb Crafting Nook in Longworth. Bring your materials and your projects and get to know your fellow crafters! Session begins with some light Bible study.

The “Boehner Now Boehner Forever Team” will be meeting continuously in the William Brockman Bankhead Hall in the Congressional Power Plant (map attached). Drop in anytime this week for informal conversation, professional chair massages, fundraising tips and techniques, a Welcome Packet including valuable coupons and giveaways, and a casual “Smoke ’em if you got ’em” town-hall-style “talkback” with the Speaker and his staff. Come with questions, problems, whatever’s on your mind. Curious and undecideds are totally welcome! All we ask is that you come with an open mind — and an appetite! Come see the famous 25-foot-long sub sandwich!!

To Members of the Democratic Caucus:

1. No seconds on desserts in cafeteria. (Jell-O™-type desserts excepted.)

2. Please park in the specially designated “Democratic Caucus” area, which is currently in Baltimore, Md. (Shuttle service available.)

3. The boxes stacked in front of your office doors are a fire hazard. Please remove them immediately or you will be fined.

In This Issue

Articles

Politics & Policy

What Would Reagan Say?

After narrowly losing the Republican presidential nomination in 1976, Ronald Reagan immediately resumed his newspaper column and radio commentaries. He continued them well into 1979. He used those venues to ...

Features

Politics & Policy

On the Right Track

Miami, like many cities in America, was created by a railroad. Standard Oil founder Henry Flagler cobbled together several existing railroads to make the Florida East Coast (FEC) Railway in ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

No ‘Mao Moment’

There’s a longstanding myth among leftist Cold War revisionists that America missed a big chance in July 1944, when eight American diplomats, soldiers, and OSS agents — the “Dixie Mission” ...
Country Life

Closing Time

Farmers and their farm stands are the most obvious candidates for closing. Months ago the first frosts ended most growing, but there was still produce to be sold. Apples and ...

Sections

Politics & Policy

Letters

Against a LARC I am writing in regard to Robert VerBruggen’s article, “On a LARC,” in the December 31, 2014, issue of National Review. I would like to thank Mr. VerBruggen for ...
Athwart

The Floppy-Disk Technocracy

Last August the White House announced a new initiative to improve the federal government’s technological infrastructure. You might think this means upgrading all the high-tech computer rooms with 4K monitors ...
Politics & Policy

Poetry

TO MY HIKING PARTNER Your pack looks like the one John Denver wore when he was getting Rocky Mountain high. The frame is bent, the straps can’t take much more. Your jeans and flannel ...
Happy Warrior

The Grievance Game

Before Christmas break, law-school students at Harvard, Columbia, and other prestigious institutions insisted that they should be allowed to postpone their exams. Outrage over the Eric Garner and Michael Brown ...

Most Popular

Sports

It’s Time for Colin Kaepernick to Move On

Colin Kaepernick. Remember him? Below-average quarterback. Above-average poseur. Not “activist,” not really. Activists actually say stuff. Kaepernick almost never says anything. He’s like the Queen or most popes — you have to read the deep-background musings of supposed members of his inner circle to get ... Read More
U.S.

What The 1619 Project Leaves Out

“The goal of The 1619 Project, a major initiative from The New York Times that this issue of the magazine inaugurates, is to reframe American history by considering what it would mean to regard 1619 as our nation’s birth year,” The New York Times Magazine editors declare. “Doing so requires us to place ... Read More
Elections

Trump and the Black Vote

"Donald Trump is a racist, white supremacist, white nationalist. So are his supporters." Some version of that refrain is heard almost hourly somewhere in mainstream media. Democratic politicians seem to proclaim it more often than that. Listening only to the Left, you'd conclude that more than half a ... Read More
PC Culture

Courage Is the Cure for Political Correctness

This might come as some surprise to observers of our campus culture wars, but there was a time, not long ago, when the situation in American higher education was much worse. There a wave of vicious campus activism aimed at silencing heterodox speakers, and it was typically empowered by a comprehensive regime of ... Read More
U.S.

The Age of Miscalculation

On August 7, 1998, more than 200 people were killed in terrorist attacks on U.S. embassies in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, and Nairobi, Kenya. Americans learned three names most of them never had heard before: Ayman al-Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden, and al-Qaeda. On August 20, 1998, President Bill Clinton ordered a ... Read More