Magazine | December 31, 2015, Issue

From https://wikileaks.org/clintonemailserver/recoveredemails/index

TO: sidblume@sbloompartnersllc.ae

FROM: bubbalicious@otherclintonemailserver.biz

RE: account transfer

Sid:

Was hoping to get $10 million transferred to my personal account from the wire transfer we’re getting from the Saudis. I’ll also need about $500k in cash for a little trip I’m taking with some of the guys. Worried that intense scrutiny, with H’s campaign, may make this impractical. Don’t want a lot of attention to this transaction for obvious reasons. Thoughts?

Bill

 

TO: bubbalicious@otherclintonemailserver.biz

FROM: sidblume@sbloompartnersllc.ae

RE: account transfer

Not impossible. Am sending a woman in a full burqa to a Trump rally next Tuesday. She will probably be roughed up and he will almost certainly say something about her. Will dominate the next news cycle, so suggest you make transfer as soon as you see first tweet re: Trump rally and burqa lady. No one will ever know.

Sid

 

TO: sidblume@sbloompartnersllc.ae

FROM: grammyh@otherclintonemailserver.biz

RE: FBI and etc.

Sid:

Am concerned about the FBI probe into the emails and the fundraising. Not sure how to handle the inevitable leaks that keep occurring on Fridays, dominating the Sunday talk shows etc. Am thinking of holding a press conference to address these issues once and for all. Thoughts?

H

 

TO: grammyh@otherclintonemailserver.biz

FROM: sidblume@sbloompartnersllc.ae

RE: FBI and etc.

DO NOT DO THAT! Repeat: DO NOT do that. We’re tracking the FBI probe and have a strategy. For the next small Friday leak, we’ve prepared several large-format photographs of Trump’s most recent colonoscopy, which we will release (anonymously) to the press, drowning out any and all leaks that may or may not come from the FBI probe. The next seven days will be dominated by a debate over whether those are “the classiest polyps you’ve ever seen,” and the FBI news will be history.

When the larger one re: Benghazi comes, we’ve already put into place a sequence of events kicking off with Trump’s first appearance on Rachel Maddow’s show. The inevitable Trump behavior, and the resulting media attention, will be enough to bury any larger leak.

That strategy is almost certainly going to work, but on the off-chance that it doesn’t, we’ll have one of our journalist friends ask Trump what he really thought of the movie Precious, Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. Our feeling is, this should inspire some very colorful and memorable comments which will undoubtedly dominate the next seven days of news coverage. At which time, any FBI revelations will be “old news.”

Sid

 

TO: sidblume@sbloompartnersllc.ae

FROM: bubbalicious@otherclintonemailserver.biz

RE: Friend needs help

Sid:

Yesterday, a very dear friend of mine — and longtime associate — left a “party” in the company of a young lady, a little worse for wear in the drinking department, and he lost control of his car and somehow ran directly into an orphanage, burning the entire structure to the ground. Some of the burning pieces of the orphanage flew into the air and landed on the roof of an animal shelter, burning that to the ground as well. In the ensuing chaos, there is somehow cameraphone footage of my friend praying to “Satan, the Dark Lord” for help. So, to recap: My friend drove drunk, with a woman who was not his wife, into an orphanage and an animal shelter, destroying both, and has been seen worshiping the devil. Anything we can do for him?

Bill

P.S. There were no survivors. Does that make it easier or harder to massage, etc.?

 

TO: bubbalicious@otherclintonemailserver.biz

FROM: sidblume@sbloompartnersllc.ae

RE: Friend needs help

Easier. I’ll send a mariachi band to the Trump rally this morning, along with a Mexican journalist wearing a sombrero. My gut tells me that whatever happens then will be big news for the next four or five days, long enough for your friend to be able to pay off the various players involved in his accident. But please do tell him that the mariachi band/sombrero plan was being held back to deal with Hillary’s indictment, so this really is a big favor he’s asking.

Sid

 

TO: sidblume@sbloompartners-llc.ae

FROM: vjarrett@whitehouse.gov

RE: Question

Dear Sid:

The President and I were wondering if you could think of any way to give us some breathing room, in the media, from all of the recent events regarding terrorism, gun control, Islamic you-know-what, and immigration screw-ups. We’ve been admiring your work with the Trump coverage, and are hoping you’d be willing to share him with us, on a temporary basis.

Valerie

 

TO: vjarrett@whitehouse.gov

FROM: sidblume@sbloompartnersllc.ae

RE: Question

Dear Valerie:

I wish I could. But, honestly, there are some things that even Trump can’t drown out.

Sid

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