Magazine | February 29, 2016, Issue

From the Archives of the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library

The Collected Diaries of Donald J. Trump: Chapter 5: “1958: Big Boy Pants”


Dear Kitty:

That’s what I’ve decided to call you. The name just came to me from someplace, like a thunderbolt. Not sure where it comes from, but I like the sound of it. Kitty. Maybe from “Miss Kitty,” a character in my favorite radio show, Gunsmoke? Unclear. No matter.

I am writing this first-ever entry in my journal which is what it is, okay? It is not a diary and I really don’t like it when Dad makes that noise like a coughing sound when he sees me with you, Kitty, and my large purple pen. “Telling all your secrets in that diary of yours?” he says. And I say, “No father this is not a diary!” and remind him that diaries are for girls and journals are for boys and I am a boy.

I am a boy.

And also: If he hates it so much why did he give me a journal for my birthday, anyway?? Good question!!

Anyways, Kitty, here’s what’s happening in my (our) life. I wasn’t planning on making a big deal about turning twelve this year (!!!) because I’m already considered very mature for my age. Most of the grownups in my life already consider me a man in many ways. I shop at Big Boy stores already which according to my mother who doesn’t lie is because I’m growing quickly and is not because of the other thing that the kids call me, mostly the poor ones who are trash anyway according to my mother who knows and which I will only mention once, Kitty, and then never mention again:


Okay, so, please go on: I wasn’t going to make it a big deal but then one of my teachers who I really think is more like a friend because as I mentioned I’m thought of as very mature for my age, which is why I spend recess etc. with the teachers instead of with the other children who are very immature and not nice to me, said, “Gracious, Donald, did you ever think that maybe if you had a birthday party it might be a good way to make some friends?”

So, Kitty, guess what? Guess what? I asked Dad and he said, “Yes!” but of course he didn’t just say yes, I had to promise to learn a sport (yuck!!) but we are having a birthday party!!


The boys in my class may not realize it yet, but I will remember all of their names and someday they will regret the moment they all decided in a very mean and coordinated effort to tell me in no uncertain terms that none of them would be coming to my party.

I had envelopes made and everything.

I am very angry, Kitty, about all of this.


Solution to the party problem! It came to me! Kitty, sometimes I surprise myself! I was sitting quietly in the dark, in my bedroom closet, eating the Baby Ruths I keep there for my quiet personal time, and it came to me. I will tell everyone in the class that Casey Stengel will be at my party because he is a very close personal friend of mine and if they want to meet him they had better be nice to me. They will believe this because, as I have mentioned, I am very mature for my age and most of my friends are adults.


No surprise! The mean boys changed their minds and are now coming to my party. I wonder what caused that???!!!

No, actually, Kitty, I don’t wonder because I know exactly what did it. It was Casey Stengel.

Now I just need to figure out how to contact Mr. Stengel and get him to appear. Yankee Stadium is not too far from Queens.

I think if I explain the entire situation to Dad he will instantly “get it” and help me get the Yankees’ famous manager here to the house in time for cake and ice cream. Are the Yankees playing on Saturday?? Need to investigate.




Dear Kitty:

Still very upset in re: yesterday’s “party,” which was not the first-class experience I was expecting and, frankly, was promised by the various adults in charge. I spent most of the day carefully compiling a list of the boys and girls who made such an immature big deal about not meeting Casey Stengel who is only the manager of the Yankees and who were disruptive and rude during my magic act. I know that I shouldn’t have lied about Casey Stengel, Kitty, but I still do not understand why some people are not nice to me.




In This Issue


Politics & Policy

Our Last Emperor

Our system of government does little to prevent a strongman or a crank from winning the presidency. As long as Electoral College members adhere faithfully to the election results in ...


Politics & Policy

Seeing North Korea

North Korea is embarked on a steady, methodical, and relentless journey whose intended endpoint is a credible capability to hit New York and Washington with nuclear weapons. Pyongyang’s nuclear test ...

Books, Arts & Manners

Politics & Policy

Faith in Hollywood

The last time I wrote about the Coen brothers’ world-picture in these pages, reviewing their Job-in-Minnesota movie, A Serious Man, I suggested that the elusive auteurs were “proudly mysterian” — ...
Politics & Policy

Love and Order

In 2000, Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan (D., N.Y.) was asked to identify the biggest change he had seen in his 40-year political career. Moynihan, a man of unusual wisdom, experience, ...
Politics & Policy

Explorations of Love

Early in this book, material for which originated in a highly successful Notre Dame course now available on iTunesU, philosopher and classicist David O’Connor puts the point of the investigation ...


Politics & Policy


Timeless Classics Samuel Goldman writes well about the value of “traditional” education (read: classical education) and studying beautiful things (“Reclaiming Traditional Education,” December 31, 2015). He aptly takes on Marco Rubio’s ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ Who knew the Democrats were that picky about which kind of socialist they prefer? ‐ Hillary Clinton’s speaking fees — $225,000 a pop — from Goldman Sachs and other big-deal ...
Politics & Policy


YOUR MOVE “No modern poem was ever as obscure as Miss Sullivan’s naming water water for Helen Keller.” – Walker Percy When a bear hears ice crack he doesn’t listen, He moves.  He doesn’t think ...

Most Popular

White House

More Evidence the Guardrails Are Gone

At the end of last month, just as the news of the Ukraine scandal started dominating the news cycle, I argued that we're seeing evidence that the guardrails that staff had placed around Donald Trump's worst instincts were in the process of breaking down. When Trump's staff was at its best, it was possible to draw ... Read More
Politics & Policy

Elizabeth Warren Is Not Honest

If you want to run for office, political consultants will hammer away at one point: Tell stories. People respond to stories. We’ve been a story-telling species since our fur-clad ancestors gathered around campfires. Don’t cite statistics. No one can remember statistics. Make it human. Make it relatable. ... Read More
National Review


Today is my last day at National Review. It's an incredibly bittersweet moment. While I've only worked full-time since May, 2015, I've contributed posts and pieces for over fifteen years. NR was the first national platform to publish my work, and now -- thousands of posts and more than a million words later -- I ... Read More
Economy & Business

Andrew Yang, Snake Oil Salesman

Andrew Yang, the tech entrepreneur and gadfly, has definitely cleared the bar for a successful cause candidate. Not only has he exceeded expectations for his polling and fundraising, not only has he developed a cult following, not only has he got people talking about his signature idea, the universal basic ... Read More

Is America Becoming Sinicized?

A little over 40 years ago, Chinese Communist strongman and reformer Deng Xiaoping began 15 years of sweeping economic reforms. They were designed to end the disastrous, even murderous planned economy of Mao Zedong, who died in 1976. The results of Deng’s revolution astonished the world. In four decades, ... Read More