The 2016 National Review
Thanks for signing up for the 2016 National Review Post-Election Cruise aboard Holland America’s luxurious cruise ship MS Nieuw Amsterdam. We will be traveling through the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean Sea, stopping along the way at secluded beaches and colorful tropical ports of call. During the day, you’ll be treated to panel discussions, presentations, and conversations about Election 2016, its implications for the future, and its fallout for conservatives.
The following is the most up-to-the-minute program of events, as of Thursday, November 10, 2016.
Please note: All events are scheduled to take place in the ship’s theater, the Showroom of the Sea, unless otherwise stated.
***DENOTES CHANGE FROM PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED SCHEDULE OF EVENTS
***Saturday, 2 p.m., as we embark: Meet Your Low-Income, Low-Information, Unemployed White Working-Class Roommate! NR Cruisers will be matched with a roommate from one of the forgotten and neglected socioeconomic cohorts who will live with them throughout the cruise in an effort to avoid a repeat of 2016. Please note: Do NOT give your roommate charge privileges to your ship’s account.
***Saturday Panel, 4 p.m., as we head to sea. Join us for an opening session: “Former National Review editor-in-chief Rich Lowry and new National Review publisher Donald J. Trump in conversation: Whither Conservatism?”
***Sunday, 10 a.m., Culinary Center: Ecumenical Sunday worship service of reconciliation. Editors of and contributors to National Review gather with past candidates and the new publisher to “turn the page” on the divisive and difficult past year, agreeing to face the future with a more unified and “big tent” attitude. Service will be non-denominational and interfaith and will feature the severed head of Jerry Falwell Jr. on a pike, held aloft. (Dress: pagan)
***Monday, 12 p.m., Culinary Center: “Wellness at Sea: Making the Right Heart-Healthy Choices at the Buffet and in the Dining Room,” by Ben Carson, M.D. Join the newest crew member of the Nieuw Amsterdam as Dr. Carson helps us make heart-smart decisions when faced with the tempting choices of Holland America’s culinary team. Dr. Carson is also available throughout the week in his office on Deck 2.
***Tuesday night, at sea. Cognac and cigars under the stars. Lido deck. Cigars courtesy of H. Upmann. Cognac provided by Martell. Enjoy the companionship of your fellow NR Cruisers as we enjoy fine cigars and cognac amid the gentle breezes of the ship at sea. As the moon sets across the Caribbean and the cognac takes effect, those in despair who wish to feel the peaceful and watery embrace of King Neptune will be helped overboard. Those who wish to stay and fight will be treated to the ritual slaying and dismemberment of Ohio governor John Kasich, who will join the cruise that day in St. Thomas, for what he thinks will be a keynote address entitled “Conservatism after President Hillary: The Way Forward.” (Please note: We expect Governor Kasich to struggle. Please dress in loose, comfortable clothing, the way you might for a day hike or Saturday yard work.)
***Wednesday, 4 p.m., amidships, Lifeboat Station 10, Deck 3: The keelhauling of New Jersey governor Chris Christie. (Dress: waterproof)
***Thursday, additional session at the end of the day, approximately 5 p.m.: Senator Ted Cruz (R., Texas) is untied and allowed to speak. PLEASE DO NOT COME LATE! The senator is scheduled to be re-tied and re-suspended above the stage at 5:45 p.m. PROMPTLY!
***Friday Night, B. B. King’s Blues Club: An additional “Night Owl” presentation. Florida senator Marco Rubio presents “Side by Side by Marco: A Celebration of the Work and Vision of Stephen Sondheim.” Cruisers will be treated to the lighter side of one of conservative America’s favorite young talents. (Dress: sexy elegance)
PLEASE REMEMBER! Place the appropriate tags on your luggage Saturday night for fast and trouble-free luggage transfers to the Ft. Lauderdale and Miami airports. If you have any questions, please ask Customer Service Representative Chris Christie for help.
Last-minute itinerary change: Since the official announcement on Wednesday, November 9, that President Barack Obama, immediately following the swearing in of President Hillary Clinton, will assume the office of El Presidente de la República de Cuba, the MS Nieuw Amsterdam will make a stop in the Port of Old Habana in order to enjoy the Old World charm of this storied city before it comes under the yoke of a Communist dictator. (Please wear sturdy shoes.)