Magazine August 1, 2016, Issue

CRAIGSLIST > CLEVELAND > MISSED CONNECTIONS

*Tuesday in Marriott lobby, made eye contact (m4f)

Hey! Saw you in the lobby at the Marriott, couldn’t tell from your ID tags what state you’re from or if you’re “at liberty to vote your conscience.” Thought maybe there was a spark between us and would love to find out! Reply here with a description of what you were wearing and what it said on my T-shirt. Would love to buy you a drink/dinner and talk about second-ballot options and Speaker Ryan.

*#NeverTrumper in elevator at Quicken Loans venue

We stood next to each other in the elevator and I thought maybe there was a vibe between us? I know you were looking at my Make America Great Again hat and getting mad, but I still felt like there was a spark or something? Also, I noticed that your hotel pass was for the Super 8 way out by the airport and it got me thinking. Maybe you’d like to move to a better room? In a better hotel? Would love to get together and talk more about the financial opportunities available to you as a delegate. Reply here.

*Wednesday morning, shuttle-bus stop (m4mmff)

A bunch of us were riding from the venue to the “Party Like a Lizard” party put on by Geico Insurance and it seemed like most of you were totally on the Trump Train, but I noticed that your singing and chanting was a little halfhearted and maybe even a little forced? Which I found really sexy. We exchanged glances and I was going to say more but then the Trump group started hassling the shuttle-bus driver because his name sounded foreign, and then the whole thing became ugly (we’ve all seen the Periscope) and I didn’t have a chance to say Hey before the mob pushed the shuttle bus over and set the driver on fire, but wanted to reach out now and say, Hey! You’ve got really pretty eyes. Would love to get together before the first ballot and maybe grab coffee or a drink and talk about the Virginia ruling and show you some focus-group results on a possible Marco vs. Hillary thing. Hit me back!!

* WARNING: THIS SPACE IS BEING WATCHED BY TRUMP

Guys! DO NOT try to sway or win over any delegates here! Trump campaign staff are MONITORING this space and will intervene and bust up any delegate hookups you arrange. I was going to meet up with a Trump delegate to talk about the benefits of voting on first ballot for Jim Gilmore but was pushed into one of those big Rimowa suitcases and wheeled into a hotel cloakroom. They said it was just a “joke, like Gilmore’s campaign,” but I know they were Trump operatives. BE CAREFUL!!!

* Interested in foreign travel? Want to be an ambassador? Reply! (?4?)

Saw you checking into your hotel. Saw the look in your eyes which said, “I wish I could just vote my conscience.” Well, now you can, and get paid doing it! SEEKING: delegates of all kinds from all states willing to vote for someone other than Trump — the candidate you’ll be voting for is a patriot and an elected official, can’t say who exactly at this time. Reply here with your convention-credential badge number and the country you’d like to become the U.S. ambassador to, and we’ll meet you with all the info.

* Saw you at the Families USA reception looking like you were wavering (f4m)

Saw you at the Families USA event, next to the non-alcoholic punch, looking a little like you were thinking of casting your ballot for Donald Trump despite the VA ruling that you’re at liberty to vote your conscience. I know your hands were shaky and that you clearly had been crying, which I found insanely sexy. Let’s get together and talk about it. I’d love to make you more comfortable voting for my guy. Let me relax you, and you can feel the stress melt away while I talk about Senator Ben Sasse.

* Lotta losers on this thing (m4f)

Hey losers and haters, don’t bother trying to steal delegates here or anywhere, we’ve found you on Tinder and Bumble and the other ones and we know what you’re up to and Mr. Trump will win anyway! Only Mr. Trump can make America great again! Stop being unfair. Also, if you’re the blonde one who was in the line at the breakfast deal, get at me here. Very very impressed.

In This Issue

Articles

Features

Books, Arts & Manners

Sections

Politics & Policy

Poetry

MAKE BELIEVE When she was playing in the yard she talked to someone she imagined by her side: a soldier or a prince, perhaps, who walked along with her when she was playing bride. I ...
Politics & Policy

Letters

Free Speech at Yale Regarding the article “‘This Is Not a Debate’: Yale’s Fight for Free Speech,” (July 11), let me be perfectly clear: Yale University is committed to the free ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ If the FBI had been serious about finding Hillary’s missing e-mails, it would have subpoenaed Putin. ‐ FBI director James Comey’s recommendations concerning Hillary Clinton’s illegal servers (there was more ...

Most Popular

White House

The Democrats’ Burisma Bait and Switch

Imagine you get indicted in a swindle. The prosecutors represent that they can prove you and your alleged co-conspirators planned to fleece a major financial institution. You counter that you weren’t fleecing anyone. Sure, you were asking for millions in loans, but the collateral you were prepared to post was ... Read More
White House

The Democrats’ Burisma Bait and Switch

Imagine you get indicted in a swindle. The prosecutors represent that they can prove you and your alleged co-conspirators planned to fleece a major financial institution. You counter that you weren’t fleecing anyone. Sure, you were asking for millions in loans, but the collateral you were prepared to post was ... Read More

A Nation of Barbers

It seems almost inevitable that long hair is unwelcome at Barbers Hill High School. There’s a touch of aptronymic poetry in Texas public-school dress-code disputes. When I was in school in the 1980s, at the height of the Satanism panic, the local school-district superintendent circulated a list of ... Read More

A Nation of Barbers

It seems almost inevitable that long hair is unwelcome at Barbers Hill High School. There’s a touch of aptronymic poetry in Texas public-school dress-code disputes. When I was in school in the 1980s, at the height of the Satanism panic, the local school-district superintendent circulated a list of ... Read More
Law & the Courts

The March for Life Is a March for Truth

Pro-lifers are marching today, as they do every year, to commemorate a great evil that was done in January 1973 and to express solidarity with its innocent victims. The Supreme Court’s decision in Roe v. Wade eliminated legal protections for unborn children in all 50 states, and did so without any ... Read More
Law & the Courts

The March for Life Is a March for Truth

Pro-lifers are marching today, as they do every year, to commemorate a great evil that was done in January 1973 and to express solidarity with its innocent victims. The Supreme Court’s decision in Roe v. Wade eliminated legal protections for unborn children in all 50 states, and did so without any ... Read More
Politics & Policy

15 Flaws in Adam Schiff’s Case

Adam Schiff did most of the heavy lifting for the House managers, and if he performed ably, he also relied on arguments and tropes that don’t withstand scrutiny. The Democratic case for impeachment and removal is now heavily encrusted with clichés, widely accepted by the media, meant to give their ... Read More
Politics & Policy

15 Flaws in Adam Schiff’s Case

Adam Schiff did most of the heavy lifting for the House managers, and if he performed ably, he also relied on arguments and tropes that don’t withstand scrutiny. The Democratic case for impeachment and removal is now heavily encrusted with clichés, widely accepted by the media, meant to give their ... Read More