Magazine | October 10, 2016, Issue

Crass Couture

Donald Trump will be the first president to use a four-letter word in a press conference. Ten years later, we will look back on his tenure as an era of refinement and elegance because he said “Excuse my French” after he dropped the effenheimer. Trump’s critics on the left will find his candor refreshing, though: At least he’s acting like everyone else. C’mon. Everyone swears. Does the pope swear in the woods if he hits his finger with a hammer? Sure.

Why is the pope in the woods with a hammer?

That’s a stupid effin’ question. It’s a figure of effin’ speech. Ya eff.

Ah, you think: Right, of course. New York values. The celebration of crude, inarticulate people as champions of honesty and refreshing directness. None of that Dreadfully sorry old chap, would you mind if I could squeeze through and get off the elevator? Awfully, deucedly kind of you, my good man Bee-ess. Think what you say, that’s the ticket, and what we’re all thinking these days is Eff to the Power of Ten + You. Right?

Wrong. To people raised in polite societies, the brigade of Truthful Cursers just look like uncultured boors who rely on a vocabulary of six words to express the rich panoply of human effin’ emotion. But at least they wouldn’t use those words in front of their mothers — or so you hope. Even the most unrepentant slopmouth knows there’s a time and a place. You don’t scream obscenities at little children. You don’t curse like a meth-addled sailor with Tourette’s at a nun. There are still a few standards, tattered and thin as they might be at this late date.

Well, Vogue.com has a question for you: “Would You Try Fall’s Most Intentionally Offensive Trend?” In previous eras this might mean a checked blouse with striped pants, or white after Labor Day. But in an era when fashion models walk down the runway wearing $9,000 outfits that consist of trash bags held together with duct tape, ugliness can’t be the offense. No, it’s naughty words. On the shirts! For everyone to see! Isn’t that delightful?

“The latest trend,” says the website, “is for clothes that are loud and proud: Take the Vetements Fall 2016 show, where a model wore a clean and crisp white shirt with You [Effin’] [Excremental Aperture] printed on the front.”

Yes, that’s something you’re supposed to display to strangers as you walk down the street. Quite the inversion of Will Rogers’s remark that a stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet. We continue:

Vetements isn’t the only label parading its bad attitude. For Fall 2016, Alyx showed a black shirt that read [That Very Bad Word] You in crooked bored-in-class scribble colored in with shocks of highlighter yellow, sky blue, and fire-engine red. . . . Lotta Volkova wears a shirt that is emblazoned with Barbie Is a Slut, while the model Valter Törsleff has been known to don the New York–favorite tourist tee [Bleep] You, You [Bleeping Bleep].

That’s directed at tourists? Apparently a real New Yorker looks at that and thinks, You can’t possibly be talking about me. But if you are, [Bleep] you, you [bleeping bleep].

A cultural face-plant in the mud wouldn’t be complete without someone to describe the pratfall as if it were a ballet maneuver. And so:

A sweater by Lingua Franca that reads Party and [Bee-Ess] . . . best represents the current craze: the dichotomy between the vulgarity of the words and the preciousness of the medium. “It’s a cashmere sweater with a ’90s rap lyric. It’s that duality that makes it interesting,” says [Vogue fashion-news editor Alessandra] Codinha.

Picture an abandoned building in Detroit or the hollowed-out shell of a Lower East Side tenement. Two old men sit around a fire in a trash can, grilling rats.

“You know what I miss about the good times?” one says. “It’s not the food or the ready availability of medical care. It’s the interesting dualities.”

“Roger that, Slim,” says the other. “I remember when a fella had a reasonable expectation he’d see a provocative juxtaposition between the material of a sweater and the sentiment expressed upon it. I’d give anything for those days again.”

No, that probably won’t happen. The only people interested in a duality that superimposes a moronic “lyric” upon a high-end fabric are the people whose job consists of judging photographs of skeletons marching down a catwalk wearing outfits made of chicken bones and bicycle chains.

The next step will be toddlers’ sizes, and the edgy parent will dress his kids in shirts that say “I don’t give a [bleep]! Oh wait I just did.” And it’ll be so New York, so un-bourgeois. The certainty that someone in a less important city — you know, all the other ones out there — would be offended is what makes it so delicious. [Bleep] you, you [bleeping bleep] — that’s the mark of a sophisticated culture.

At some point, as noted, President Trump will slip during a press conference and say he doesn’t give a bleep, or the terrorists have messed with the wrong bleeping people, and there will be a great squee among the clever: The word has been spoken by a president, and thus is finally legitimate. They’ll have to come up with a new one to express their edginess. Something just as blunt and immediately recognizable, something with the same one-syllable punch that can also be conjugated.

I say this to anyone planning a time-travel trip into the future: If you land in New York in 2116 and hear people saying Trump you, you Trumpin’ Trump — well, now you know why.

– Mr. Lileks blogs at www.lileks.com.

In This Issue

Articles

Features

Books, Arts & Manners

Sections

Politics & Policy

Letters

Trade or the Trade Establishment? Robert D. Atkinson’s “Four Myths about Trade” (September 12) are almost correctly stated; which is to say, incorrectly stated. “The first assumption is that America is the ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ Honestly, the thought of her becoming president makes us feel a little faint, too. ‐ Hillary Clinton abruptly left a 9/11 commemoration at Ground Zero, stumbled off a curb, and ...
Athwart

Crass Couture

Will we look back on Trump's tenure as an era of refinement and elegance because he said “Excuse my French” after he dropped the effenheimer?
Politics & Policy

Poetry

SOME ANGELS Lying on their backs, looking up at the sky, The boys have made angels in the snow. Eyes to heaven, with heaven looking down, They wave their arms like wings, while seraphs In ...

Most Popular

Politics & Policy

Hillary Ruins the Plan

Editor’s note: Andrew C. McCarthy’s new book is Ball of Collusion: The Plot to Rig an Election and Destroy a Presidency. This is the first in a series of excerpts.  There really was a collusion plot. It really did target our election system. It absolutely sought to usurp our capacity for ... Read More
World

The End of Hong Kong as We Know It

The protests in Hong Kong have been going on for more than four months now, and no matter how the current crisis concludes in the coming days or weeks, it will mark the end of Hong Kong as we know it. The protests started in response to an extradition bill that was proposed by the city’s Beijing-backed ... Read More
Elections

A Brief History of Election Meddling

Editor’s note: Andrew C. McCarthy’s new book is Ball of Collusion: The Plot to Rig an Election and Destroy a Presidency. This is the second in a series of excerpts. ‘The 1980s are now calling to ask for their foreign policy back.” Thus spoke President Barack Obama just a couple of weeks before ... Read More
Religion

Another Pop-Culture Christian Loses His Faith

It’s happened again. For the second time in three weeks, a prominent (at least in Evangelical circles) Christian has renounced his faith. In July, it was Josh Harris, a pastor and author of the mega-best-selling purity-culture book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. This month, it’s Hillsong United songwriter and ... Read More
Culture

Max Boot’s Dishonesty

Before yesterday, my primary criticism of the Washington Post’s Max Boot was political in nature. As I wrote in a recent book review, I found it regrettable that Boot’s opposition to the president had not prevented him from “succumbing reactively to Trump’s cult of personality, or from making Trump the ... Read More