Magazine December 31, 2016, Issue

Presidential Daily Briefing

Prepared by the combined Intelligence Agencies of the Union of Americanyits States and no one else!

TOP SECRET

FOR THE PRESIDENSK ONLY

Guaranteed 100% True Americanyits Content with only tiny pieces of Russian Influence, so mind of yours to be set easy at.

Beginning with the Syria Situationsk:

Situation in Syria is not problem. Relax yourself and think on top of other things that may be more bigger problems, like what for is Kanye West doing on his tour and what is happening on top of the Twitter timelinesk. Better for to just ignore what is being seen on the televisionsk and the journalists who are stirring up the trouble and the controverski and who have no true understanding of the what is happening on the ground in Syria, which is not much and also, Presidensk Assad is true friend of the Union of American States. Along with dynamic worldwide Supermansk Putin he is having the loose ends in the Syria wrapped up and needs not to be disturbed or molested during this process. Later when is done and no smoke is around time would be for a visit from you Mr. Trump to the region to see the benefits of Russia friendship, which to include perhaps a fun time with Mssrs Putin and Assad for a banquet party of great cost and opulence.

In general, the middle east as a region of area and influence is not a problem, most it stays quiet and better to be left alone to the countries already part of operations there which are the Russikiy and others. Best to put this all out of your busy mind, Mr. Trump, because it is currently so busy with her other problems, America is. To focus on these is best, the problems and etcetera.

Recommendaski: It is formal recommendaski of the Union of American States intelligence directorate to be easy of mind and relaxation-ful when the Syria and her middle east is coming into conversationski.

Is now time for the Econominyits:

Why come for there is the sanctions? Mr. Trump is time to rethink the sanctions and her effects on peoples of Russikiy. Why come now not for reset? Big button to hit again. Think on top of this, Donald Fredovitch.

Is important also to ponder for the energy policy which is also needs top-to-bottomski look at. Is much trouble with the fracking and the hot global situation, with the changements to the weather becoming a serious. For why is there the fracking and the oily searching, when plentiful of oily and gassy comes from the friends in the Russikiy and her other peoples with the gas?

Recommendaski: Sanctionskis lifted to be and then there is happiness. Why not does the new presidentsk desire such happiness for himself and others? Simply do so. And think not again about the compromat that may or may not be existing of yourself with the naked and the party times. Is silly to think of that. Best to lift sanctionskis and be joy.

Is next, Ukraine and Like That:

This is most foolishness to bother about with the Ukraine and her politicians. Many of them will be dead by the time of this printing because of unsafeness of automobile brake lines and also sometimes mistakes when cleaning rifles, so is best for new presidensk to direct brain to other matters, such as again the Twitter timelineskis and the E! channel.

Recommendaski: Again, to see what is the recommendaski for the Syria happenings, which is to let the events occur as they must, guided by the firm hand of Supermansk Putin and among others. Is possible situation will become more wet and dirty than it now seems to be occurring and in which case, it is in the interests of the UAS to visit Mr. Putin at his dacha and be a guest according to rich and long tradition of being a host, with the banquet and the great fire and the toasts and the exchange of gifts which according to local custom can and should include wife and daughter of Americanski Presidensk, Melanya and Ivanka Donaldovna, should he wish to be greeted as brother from his host the Mr. Putin. Possible to suggest Eric Donaldovitch and Donald Donaldovitch be accompany to banquet and to remain with the Mr. Putin for to make the security swap and safety assurances should times become sad between the Russia and her Union of American States.

Not to be forgetting Friends and Allies Abroad:

It is sad to say that Mme Angela Merkel is a crazy lady with personal life of much activity — pics attached — and also that is not for to Europe or the Chine that Mr. Trump should turn his face to. Prime Minister of the Kingdom Unite is also a woman like Merkel so what deal is with that? Is best to have one friend, and to ride atop the horse with this friend with bare chests and wobbly skin in the sunshine.

Recommendaski: As babuska taught us, better to find the bear a sleeping place in the winter if you want him to be friend to you in summer. Also: Bees may sting the face of the peasant, but only a Prince will cry out in pain.

END BRIEFINGSKI

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