Magazine | January 23, 2017, Issue

From the Twitter Feed of Kim Jong Un, @youthcaptain

She wasn’t prepared. #embarrassing #mariahcarey #newyearsrockineve #dothedamnsoundcheck

The thing about Pepe the Frog that I don’t get is why they had to make him look so delicious. Hard to focus on message with a rumbling tummy! #samewithmickeymouse #samewithlolcats

Learning that it’s not really calories but the timing and the way foods interact with my body chemistry. Will probably spring for all new supplements this year because my old personal trainer was set on fire because of my unexplained weight gain.

Are people still on here, or has everyone gone to Insta?

Hey, @billmitchellvii, great analysis of Trump win, etc., but wondering about the cross tabs on some of the battleground states. Follow back for a convo?

Not sure I get why executing someone with an anti-aircraft gun in front of his family is “worse” than using wrong pronoun with a trans person. Both make a person “disappear.” Curious. #bias #inthebubble

Agree somewhat about 2016 being a bad year in general, but was great for my workout regime: can’t ignore the gainz in my quads, traps, delts, and calves! Pic is NSFW!!!

@realdonaldtrump Weird question but wanted to know if @ivankatrump and @jaredkushner are, like, solid solid or if there’s a way for me to get to know her better. DM me!

TFW your whole family is judging you for who you aren’t instead of celebrating you for who you are. #notforlong

Hey Tweeps! Check out this pic. Does this look like normal chafing to you or should I see someone? Pretty busy these days so would prefer to just put lotion there. Hit me back!

Top 10 faves for 2016? La La Land, Rogue One, Abundant Wheat Harvest Thanks to Our Dynamic Young Leader, and Manchester by the Sea. All great movies, hard to pick a “winner.”

Forgot to add The Execution of the Dog Traitor Minister of Defense to that list! Basically a documentary, but sometimes I like to chill with something like that. U?

Find me on Snapchat! Use code or use my username grandmasterkimjongun! Will swap nudes!

Weird to think that some people have large and meddling and incompetent families and can’t do anything about it! #firingsquads #workcamps #blessed #gratitude

@realdonaldtrump Notice how you’re suddenly using Twitter to settle scores and punish enemies and it’s like copy me much? Sad! #ownyourownstyle #beyourself

@oprahwinfrey Taking a page from your book, literally! Am tired of waiting for engineers to make me an ICBM and am working to manifest it myself with very fun and scary vision board! Thanks!

Media says I have executed 340 people since taking the reins. Has been more, believe me. But they still write about my hair and my weight and it’s like, yeah, hello, I totally get you, @kanyewest!

Just ate a giant bowl of chili-pickled cabbage, so get ready! Tweet storm coming on! (Among other things.)

Have to say, impressed with the way @realdonaldtrump kept on track during the bruising campaign and didn’t listen to the experts 1/6

Who don’t really know anything anyway and are often 180 degrees wrong, as they have been in this country, where they 2/6

Predicted that we’d be experiencing another famine and that I’d be killed in a coup (!) or something 3/6

None of which has happened (#blessed #grateful) except for the famine part 4/6

But my question to you @realdonaldtrump is, when are you going to do the smart thing and execute @reincepriebus on live television? 5/6

Because at some point in the campaign @reincepriebus surely saw @realdonaldtrump in a weak moment, indecisive or even fearful. #cleanuplooseends #neverletthemseeyoucry

What part of “intercontinental” is unclear in the phrase “intercontinental ballistic missile”? Because I seem to have an awful lot of engineers and eggheads who think “somewhere in the Sea of Japan” is another continent. #needdiscipline #wishihadstudiedthisstuff

Hey! @donaldtrumpjr and @erictrump! The three of us have a lot in common! Follow me back so we can DM! Would love to talk about having you dudes visit here. Can share insights into growing up with difficult larger-than-life dads!

My bad, @donaldtrumpjr and @erictrump — didn’t realize you guys already followed me. Am DMing you guys right now. Also, do you Snap or Periscope? Have some stuff to discuss re dads and also possible tower construction.

Hey Tweeps! Chafing is better! Check out the pics!

Happy Holidays to everyone! Even the haters and the losers who I will eventually execute in some cruelly elaborate way in front of their families! Sad!

Rob Long — Rob Long, Hollywood writer and producer, started his career as a screenwriter for the TV show Cheers. He is a regular writer for National Review, Newsweek International, and the Los ...

In This Issue

Articles

Features

Books, Arts & Manners

Sections

Politics & Policy

Letters

Beliefs of the 99 Percent Kevin D. Williamson attempts (“Superman Politics,” December 31) to articulate complex economic policy for the 0.4 percent “who follow these things closely.” That makes me part ...
Politics & Policy

The Week

‐ We hope that in retirement Harry Reid keeps up his workout routine. ‐ Republicans intend to pass what they’re calling an “Obamacare-repeal bill” early. It will get rid of Obamacare’s ...
Politics & Policy

Poetry

AMONG THE STATIONS A frozen steeple cock announced the place – A town like any other on that coast: The rusty docks, inert, insoluble, Real estate booming, tech at full sail, And a hitching post ...

Most Popular

Law & the Courts

Obstruction Confusions

In his Lawfare critique of one of my several columns about the purported obstruction case against President Trump, Gabriel Schoenfeld loses me — as I suspect he will lose others — when he says of himself, “I do not think I am Trump-deranged.” Gabe graciously expresses fondness for me, and the feeling is ... Read More
Politics & Policy

Students’ Anti-Gun Views

Are children innocents or are they leaders? Are teenagers fully autonomous decision-makers, or are they lumps of mental clay, still being molded by unfolding brain development? The Left seems to have a particularly hard time deciding these days. Take, for example, the high-school students from Parkland, ... Read More
PC Culture

Kill Chic

We live in a society in which gratuitous violence is the trademark of video games, movies, and popular music. Kill this, shoot that in repugnant detail becomes a race to the visual and spoken bottom. We have gone from Sam Peckinpah’s realistic portrayal of violent death to a gory ritual of metal ripping ... Read More
Elections

Romney Is a Misfit for America

Mitt’s back. The former governor of Massachusetts and occasional native son of Michigan has a new persona: Mr. Utah. He’s going to bring Utah conservatism to the whole Republican party and to the country at large. Wholesome, efficient, industrious, faithful. “Utah has a lot to teach the politicians in ... Read More
Law & the Courts

What the Second Amendment Means Today

The horrifying school massacre in Parkland, Fla., has prompted another national debate about guns. Unfortunately, it seems that these conversations are never terribly constructive — they are too often dominated by screeching extremists on both sides of the aisle and armchair pundits who offer sweeping opinions ... Read More
U.S.

Fire the FBI Chief

American government is supposed to look and sound like George Washington. What it actually looks and sounds like is Henry Hill from Goodfellas: bad suit, hand out, intoning the eternal mantra: “F*** you, pay me.” American government mostly works by interposition, standing between us, the free people at ... Read More
Film & TV

Black Panther’s Circle of Hype

The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) first infantilizes its audience, then banalizes it, and, finally, controls it through marketing. This commercial strategy, geared toward adolescents of all ages, resembles the Democratic party’s political manipulation of black Americans, targeting that audience through its ... Read More