Magazine June 26, 2017, Issue

From the Twitter Feed of Kim Jong-un, @youthcaptain

Kim Jong-Un (KCNA)

Timothy Dalton was the best James Bond and everyone knows it don’t @ me.

Hey fashion Tweeps, answer me this: Does the bathing suit look like a Speedo? It wasn’t what I bought, but now that it’s on it sort of looks like a Speedo. LMK! (Pic sorta kinda NSFW!) img.453dx.7

Really excited about the next few missile launches. Told by the whole team that the various bugs have been worked out and the various doodads and kinks and eager to use my new really big binoculars to see it soar! #techteamcrushingit #MDPRKGA

Calling all Tweeps. Anyone know how to get in touch with the actress who plays Wonder Woman in the new @wonderwomanmovie? Want to ask her to serve as Supreme Commander of My Heart! #kiddingnotkidding #summermoviesrule

Turns out the kitchen staff here wasn’t using stevia as directed by yours truly, which explains why the jumpsuits were pulling and making me uncomfortable. Tired of the excuses like there’s no stevia in the country tbh. Make it happen!

Beyond mortified about the missile launch. Thing just fizzled and then tipped over. General Park laughed and said “Reminds me of when I turned 60” and the whole team enjoyed the joke until I lit him on fire. #noexcuses #makingithappen #techteamnotcrushingit

Had a cousin who thought that my using Twitter to communicate was “undignified.” He said it was “beneath” me as the leader of the Workers’ Party /1

And the Commandant General of the Glorious Revolutionary Army and the Supreme Chairman of the New Vanguard and the Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and the Chief Minister of the People’s Chamber /2

And a lot of other titles I usually have to check my Evernote app on my phone to keep straight, but I told him it was a great way to connect with people across the world /3

And then I had him buried at the bottom of a gravel pit because I really don’t have time for the haters and the losers! #stayfrosty #MDPRKGA /fin

Hey @realdonaldtrump, DM me for some weight-loss tips if interested. Leadership is hard and we’re all prone to unhealthy snacking!

That feeling when you’d like to ask some advice from one of your uncles but they’ve all been put to death! #hatemondays #secondworldproblems

Ahem! Look who has a blue check mark!! That’s right!! I’m verified! #thankstwitter @jack

Told that this next missile launch is going to be “as big as the next Ben Affleck movie” and I’m not feeling too optimistic about that rn. #tryingtostaypresent #justbreathe

Okay, weird question: Does anyone know who the young actress was who played the robot in that TV show “Small Wonder”? It’s on DPRK-TV now and she’s fantastic!! Two questions: One, was she a real robot? Two: Is she single?

Thoughts and prayers go out to the residents of the unnamed village on the seacoast where the most recent missile landed. Rest assured we’re doing everything in our power to address the issue and the relevant scientific team has been fed to hungry dogs. #MDPRKGA #keeponkeepingon

Seriously, Tweeps! Who is that hottie in the Wonder Woman movie? Is she interested in meeting a lonely but handsome bachelor(ish) world leader? Also: How does she feel about pickled vegetables? DM me!

Totally with you, @realdonaldtrump. Media is unfair and biased. Can relate on so many levels!

Feel like @rachelmaddow and I could be good friends. He’s the kind of guy I usually connect with on a friend level. Also, would be good to have a bro around for workout and fitness tips. @ me if you know him or can connect us!

Honestly I can’t remember if the missile was supposed to land in the Sea of Japan or not. Getting irritated by this. #needsixsigmaaroundhere #MDPRKGA

Love you and your work, @seanhannity, but I really think you’re heading into weirdo territory with these conspiracy theories. And I say this with love and respect and as someone who usually likes and believes conspiracy theories. #probsjustamugging #dontgettoonuts #missoreilly

Told that this upcoming missile test launch is going to be the one! Very excited! Have purchased even more enormous binoculars plus a slightly roomier jumpsuit for the occasion. #sixteenthoneisthecharm

Cannot believe I was suspended from Instagram for posting super tame pics of latest family disembowelments. #censorshipsucks #FA

In This Issue

Articles

Features

Books, Arts & Manners

Sections

Letters

Letters

Finding Dalí Kudos to Roman Genn for his depiction of Salvador Dalí (“Master of the Surreal,” June 12). I have discovered that if turned upside down and viewed at a distance ...
The Week

The Week

‐ This issue of National Review covfefe ‐ The Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals is the latest jurisdiction to join the legal war against President Trump. It ruled that Trump’s executive ...
Athwart

A Thought for Your Penneys

The local Penneys store is closing. Or is it JCPenney? Or J. C. Penney’s? They’re all fine. You say “Penneys store” and almost anyone knows what you mean: a venerable ...
Poetry

Poetry

NIGHT TRAVELING Fine grass, slight wind, Tall mast, night boat; Stars hang, vast plain, Moon bobs in trout’s mouth. Great name, small man, Body bent, resigned. Drift I, black hull, Earth, sky, lone gull. Tu Fu (712–770) translated by Richard ...

Most Popular

White House

The Democrats’ Burisma Bait and Switch

Imagine you get indicted in a swindle. The prosecutors represent that they can prove you and your alleged co-conspirators planned to fleece a major financial institution. You counter that you weren’t fleecing anyone. Sure, you were asking for millions in loans, but the collateral you were prepared to post was ... Read More
White House

The Democrats’ Burisma Bait and Switch

Imagine you get indicted in a swindle. The prosecutors represent that they can prove you and your alleged co-conspirators planned to fleece a major financial institution. You counter that you weren’t fleecing anyone. Sure, you were asking for millions in loans, but the collateral you were prepared to post was ... Read More

A Nation of Barbers

It seems almost inevitable that long hair is unwelcome at Barbers Hill High School. There’s a touch of aptronymic poetry in Texas public-school dress-code disputes. When I was in school in the 1980s, at the height of the Satanism panic, the local school-district superintendent circulated a list of ... Read More

A Nation of Barbers

It seems almost inevitable that long hair is unwelcome at Barbers Hill High School. There’s a touch of aptronymic poetry in Texas public-school dress-code disputes. When I was in school in the 1980s, at the height of the Satanism panic, the local school-district superintendent circulated a list of ... Read More
Politics & Policy

15 Flaws in Adam Schiff’s Case

Adam Schiff did most of the heavy lifting for the House managers, and if he performed ably, he also relied on arguments and tropes that don’t withstand scrutiny. The Democratic case for impeachment and removal is now heavily encrusted with clichés, widely accepted by the media, meant to give their ... Read More
Politics & Policy

15 Flaws in Adam Schiff’s Case

Adam Schiff did most of the heavy lifting for the House managers, and if he performed ably, he also relied on arguments and tropes that don’t withstand scrutiny. The Democratic case for impeachment and removal is now heavily encrusted with clichés, widely accepted by the media, meant to give their ... Read More

When There Is No Normal

One of the ancient and modern critiques of democracy is that radicals destroy norms for short-term political gain, norms that they themselves often later seek as refuge. Schadenfreude, irony, paradox, and karma are various descriptions of what happens to revolutionaries, and unfortunately the innocent, who ... Read More

When There Is No Normal

One of the ancient and modern critiques of democracy is that radicals destroy norms for short-term political gain, norms that they themselves often later seek as refuge. Schadenfreude, irony, paradox, and karma are various descriptions of what happens to revolutionaries, and unfortunately the innocent, who ... Read More