Magazine | June 26, 2017, Issue

From the Twitter Feed of Kim Jong-un, @youthcaptain

Timothy Dalton was the best James Bond and everyone knows it don’t @ me.

Hey fashion Tweeps, answer me this: Does the bathing suit look like a Speedo? It wasn’t what I bought, but now that it’s on it sort of looks like a Speedo. LMK! (Pic sorta kinda NSFW!) img.453dx.7

Really excited about the next few missile launches. Told by the whole team that the various bugs have been worked out and the various doodads and kinks and eager to use my new really big binoculars to see it soar! #techteamcrushingit #MDPRKGA

Calling all Tweeps. Anyone know how to get in touch with the actress who plays Wonder Woman in the new @wonderwomanmovie? Want to ask her to serve as Supreme Commander of My Heart! #kiddingnotkidding #summermoviesrule

Turns out the kitchen staff here wasn’t using stevia as directed by yours truly, which explains why the jumpsuits were pulling and making me uncomfortable. Tired of the excuses like there’s no stevia in the country tbh. Make it happen!

Beyond mortified about the missile launch. Thing just fizzled and then tipped over. General Park laughed and said “Reminds me of when I turned 60” and the whole team enjoyed the joke until I lit him on fire. #noexcuses #makingithappen #techteamnotcrushingit

Had a cousin who thought that my using Twitter to communicate was “undignified.” He said it was “beneath” me as the leader of the Workers’ Party /1

And the Commandant General of the Glorious Revolutionary Army and the Supreme Chairman of the New Vanguard and the Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and the Chief Minister of the People’s Chamber /2

And a lot of other titles I usually have to check my Evernote app on my phone to keep straight, but I told him it was a great way to connect with people across the world /3

And then I had him buried at the bottom of a gravel pit because I really don’t have time for the haters and the losers! #stayfrosty #MDPRKGA /fin

Hey @realdonaldtrump, DM me for some weight-loss tips if interested. Leadership is hard and we’re all prone to unhealthy snacking!

That feeling when you’d like to ask some advice from one of your uncles but they’ve all been put to death! #hatemondays #secondworldproblems

Ahem! Look who has a blue check mark!! That’s right!! I’m verified! #thankstwitter @jack

Told that this next missile launch is going to be “as big as the next Ben Affleck movie” and I’m not feeling too optimistic about that rn. #tryingtostaypresent #justbreathe

Okay, weird question: Does anyone know who the young actress was who played the robot in that TV show “Small Wonder”? It’s on DPRK-TV now and she’s fantastic!! Two questions: One, was she a real robot? Two: Is she single?

Thoughts and prayers go out to the residents of the unnamed village on the seacoast where the most recent missile landed. Rest assured we’re doing everything in our power to address the issue and the relevant scientific team has been fed to hungry dogs. #MDPRKGA #keeponkeepingon

Seriously, Tweeps! Who is that hottie in the Wonder Woman movie? Is she interested in meeting a lonely but handsome bachelor(ish) world leader? Also: How does she feel about pickled vegetables? DM me!

Totally with you, @realdonaldtrump. Media is unfair and biased. Can relate on so many levels!

Feel like @rachelmaddow and I could be good friends. He’s the kind of guy I usually connect with on a friend level. Also, would be good to have a bro around for workout and fitness tips. @ me if you know him or can connect us!

Honestly I can’t remember if the missile was supposed to land in the Sea of Japan or not. Getting irritated by this. #needsixsigmaaroundhere #MDPRKGA

Love you and your work, @seanhannity, but I really think you’re heading into weirdo territory with these conspiracy theories. And I say this with love and respect and as someone who usually likes and believes conspiracy theories. #probsjustamugging #dontgettoonuts #missoreilly

Told that this upcoming missile test launch is going to be the one! Very excited! Have purchased even more enormous binoculars plus a slightly roomier jumpsuit for the occasion. #sixteenthoneisthecharm

Cannot believe I was suspended from Instagram for posting super tame pics of latest family disembowelments. #censorshipsucks #FA

Rob Long — Rob Long, Hollywood writer and producer, started his career as a screenwriter for the TV show Cheers. He is a regular writer for National Review, Newsweek International, and the Los ...

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