Magazine | October 30, 2017, Issue

Sylvia Trench, et al. v. James Bond


Sylvia Trench

Tatiana Romanova

Honey Ryder

Pussy Galore

Kissy Suzuki


Tiffany Case

Chew Mee

Plenty O’Toole


Holly Goodhead


et al.


James Bond

The above-named plaintiffs — and others to be included at a later date — allege that in separate instances the above-named defendant, James Bond, repeatedly made unwanted advances upon their persons, in locations including public areas, private hotel rooms, corporate-jet interiors, ski slopes, and hollowed-out volcano hideaways. Further, plaintiffs claim that defendant refused to accept their demurrals, would not take “No” for an answer, and in some instances used his considerable latitude vis-à-vis License to Kill etc. to coerce, intimidate, blackmail, and relentlessly pursue the plaintiffs into unwanted situations.

Plaintiffs allege that defendant utilized the full powers of the British Secret Service to entice — via threats and promises — each plaintiff into acquiescing to acts and services beyond the normal, expected bounds of business behavior. In several instances, defendant made extensive use of complicated gadgetry — provided, again, by HM Secret Service — to aid in the unzipping of dresses, the converting of chairs to reclining mode, the X-ray-vision penetration of bikini-type swimming costumes, and in some extreme cases the unwanted detaining and non-consensual imprisonment of plaintiffs in small submersible vehicles, cramped space capsules, armed automobiles, and first-class Pullman cars.

HM Secret Service Quartermaster, “Q,” is also named as a co-defendant in a separate filing.

In multiple depositions, defendant is described as arrogant, old-fashioned, and “very full of himself.” In multiple depositions, it is recounted how the defendant intimidated and threatened his way into inappropriate physical contact with the plaintiffs.


plaintiff kissy suzuki: “At first I couldn’t believe it. He was actually wearing fake eyelids, I guess to look more appealing to someone of Asian descent, but the truth was, it was incredibly offensive. I kept looking around, waiting for the hidden cameras or whatever, but then it hit me that this was an actual arranged fake marriage! I was just so offended and creeped out by the whole thing, and I’ll be honest, I almost didn’t go through with the mission. That’s what he called it, by the way. ‘The mission.’ But he knew my boss, and what could I do?”

plaintiff dink: “I have a name, you know. An actual name. It’s Deborah, not that he ever asked. I went to college and studied art history and I really thought that he wanted to talk to me because I know something about the malleable properties of gold and gold leaf, but the minute we got to the cabana and he closed the curtains it was just, ‘Hey, honey, massage this.’”

plaintiff holly goodhead: “He’s a pig. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I had to go to outer space with the guy — ugh! I can still smell his cologne, Floris or something, yuck! And we’re trying to save the world or whatever, and he’s got his hands all over me and he’s making all of these awful puns and arching an eyebrow and just when I thought it was all over, he reminds me that he not only has a license to kill — he shows me his little Beretta and I was like, I’m supposed to be impressed by that? — and then he starts firing lasers all over the place and I’ll admit it, it was a giant letdown because, okay, yes, I thought working with him would be good for my career, because he’s a legend, right? Who in their right mind wouldn’t want James Bond as a mentor? But that’s when I found out what his definition of ‘mentor’ is.”

plaintiff pussy galore: “He insisted on calling me by this absurd and demeaning name. It is not my name! My name is Peggy. At first I thought he was just mishearing it. Later, when I realized he was deliberately calling me this — I’ll say it — sexist name, I was like, Hey! I’m at work, okay? This is my job! Please show me the respect and courtesy I’m owed. But of course none of that worked. He was just such a jerk. I’ll bet he didn’t even notice that I can actually fly a plane!”

In This Issue



Books, Arts & Manners




Price Controls for Health Care? In “The Price Is Right” (October 16), Peter Laakmann gives much-needed insight into why per capita spending on health care in the U.S., although higher than ...
The Week

The Week

‐ Who do you think has a higher IQ — Trump, or someone who chose to work for Trump? ‐ President Trump picked a fight with Senator Bob Corker (R., Tenn.), ...

Most Popular

PC Culture

Hate-Crime Hoaxes Reflect America’s Sickness

On January 29, tabloid news site TMZ broke the shocking story that Jussie Smollett, a gay black entertainer and progressive activist, had been viciously attacked in Chicago. Two racist white men had fractured his rib, poured bleach on him, and tied a noose around his neck. As they were leaving, they shouted ... Read More
Politics & Policy

The Strange Paradoxes of Our Age

Modern prophets often say one thing and do another. Worse, they often advocate in the abstract as a way of justifying their doing the opposite in the concrete. The result is that contemporary culture abounds with the inexplicable — mostly because modern progressivism makes all sorts of race, class, and ... Read More
PC Culture

Fake Newspeople

This week, the story of the Jussie Smollett hoax gripped the national media. The story, for those who missed it, went something like this: The Empire actor, who is both black and gay, stated that on a freezing January night in Chicago, in the middle of the polar vortex, he went to a local Subway store to buy a ... Read More

White Progressives Are Polarizing America

To understand how far left (and how quickly) the Democratic party has moved, let’s cycle back a very short 20 years. If 1998 Bill Clinton ran in the Democratic primary today, he’d be instantaneously labeled a far-right bigot. His support for the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, the Defense of Marriage Act, ... Read More

Ilhan Omar’s Big Lie

In a viral exchange at a congressional hearing last week, the new congresswoman from Minnesota, Ilhan Omar, who is quickly establishing herself as the most reprehensible member of the House Democratic freshman class despite stiff competition, launched into Elliott Abrams. She accused the former Reagan official ... Read More

One Last Grift for Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders, the antique Brooklyn socialist who represents Vermont in the Senate, is not quite ready to retire to his lakeside dacha and so once again is running for the presidential nomination of a party to which he does not belong with an agenda about which he cannot be quite entirely ... Read More
PC Culture

Merciless Sympathy

Jussie Smollett’s phony hate-crime story could have been taken apart in 24 hours, except for one thing: Nobody wanted to be the first to call bullsh**. Who will bell the cat? Not the police, and I don’t blame them. Smollett is a vocal critic of President Donald Trump who checks two protected-category ... Read More