Magazine October 29, 2018, Issue

Bethesda Mental-Health Clinic

(Dreamstime)

STAFF NOTES

Please note: The NEVER TRUMP group-therapy meetings have been relocated to a smaller room. That group will now meet in Room B12, in the basement, and its former location, Second Floor Auditorium 2A-1, will now host the DEMOCRATIC PARTY ANXIETY AND RELATED DISORDERS group-therapy meetings. While this does suggest that the NEVER TRUMP syndrome and its related psychoses are diminishing with time, the NEVER TRUMP group will remain a Category S group, and will continue to require security personnel prepared to place clients into physical restraints in the case of a rage-related seizure. All medical personnel assigned to this group will continue to receive training in sedation-under-force.

A notice from the billing department: Due to recent polling results, we are now requiring Senator Claire McCaskill and her staff to PREPAY for any new services and asking that each member of that billing group settle any late or overdue accounts. Please DO NOT agree to treat any member of this billing group until you have spoken to billing.

The small therapy group MAKING MARRIAGE WORK has been discontinued at the members’ request. The Kushner/Trump clients have decided to focus on religiously based counseling, and the Kellyanne/George Conway clients have opted for pharmaceutical intervention instead. The room that was assigned to this group will now be an overflow room for the DEALING WITH WORKPLACE BULLYING AT THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE group-therapy/seminar series.

Several staff members have raised concerns about the possible over-prescribing of anti-psychotic and anti-depressant medications for the Senate Judiciary Committee members and staff. As noted, all members of that particular group have been issued anti-psychotic medication with no more than six refills. Due to patient requests, we have also issued for some patients prescriptions for medications that, together with the anti-psychotics, have been proven effective in dealing with dementia and memory loss. However, some staff members have reported that patients in this group have become lost and disoriented in recent weeks and seem to be presenting diminished cognitive skills and difficulty connecting cause-and-effect relationships. We have reviewed these and related concerns and the Committee has decided that these effects are, in fact, the desired result of the medications and that the treatment is correctly balanced. As you know, this has been a very special and challenging group to treat, and the loss of certain kinds of reasoning and cognition will, over the next few weeks, provide some of those patients with a certain amount of relief. Staff members on desk duty are permitted to increase the number of refills for each psychoactive medication to ten.

Until further notice, the MEN AND WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE seminars will now take place daily at an offsite location. We are making this small accommodation at the request of the chief justice of the Supreme Court, and the sessions will now take place in their BOOK CLUB ROOM. Staff facilitators from this office will remain in the offsite location until further notice.

The JOURNALIST COGNITION TUNE-UP WEEKEND RETREAT will take place in early November. Please make sure to remind your patients in the journalism or newsgathering fields that the retreat is a quick and painless way to recalibrate the ability to reason and make rational judgments based on external stimuli. The weekend will involve group and individual exercises including Pattern Recognition, Choice Avoidance, and Remembering What Happened Last Week. Please let all patients know that attendance at this retreat is REQUIRED for continuing access to the Journalist Medication Collective and for all follow-on care.

Staff members have complained about the parking situation, especially on the three days per week when Chief of Staff John Kelly comes to our facility for medication balancing and scream therapy. We have begun interfacing with White House communication and security teams about their parking needs, and will be able to report back shortly. In the meantime, on those days we will still ask support staff to park in the adjacent lot and clear security in the tent before entering the facility.

And once again, we remind all staff members that everything we do here at Bethesda Mental-Health Clinic is private and privileged — no confirmation, either direct or on background, of any treatment, prognosis, patient, or medication may be given by any staff member to anyone else. Privacy is the watchword of what we do. No photographs or recordings of doctor–patient interactions are allowed. Please direct all press and media inquiries to the Media Relations Office, which will evaluate each request. The recent transfer of documents and therapy notes to the Office of the Independent Counsel should give no one cause for discomfort, except certain members of the IMPULSE CONTROL EXERCISES therapy group.

In This Issue

Articles

Features

Books, Arts & Manners

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U.S.

The Lockdowns Are Now a Scandal

A boy in my neighborhood committed suicide a few weeks ago. It’s possible that the teen’s preexisting problems were exacerbated by the seclusion, tediousness, and helplessness of a national lockdown. Maybe not. I didn’t really know him. I do know that locals were forced to pay respects by sitting parked ... Read More
U.S.

The Lockdowns Are Now a Scandal

A boy in my neighborhood committed suicide a few weeks ago. It’s possible that the teen’s preexisting problems were exacerbated by the seclusion, tediousness, and helplessness of a national lockdown. Maybe not. I didn’t really know him. I do know that locals were forced to pay respects by sitting parked ... Read More
Elections

Good Riddance, Valerie Plame

In a week full of bad news, the defeat of Valerie Plame in a New Mexico Democratic congressional primary is easily overlooked. Had Plame won, she would have had a good chance of winning the seat, as the 3rd District is pretty heavily Democratic-leaning, scoring a D+8 in the Cook Partisan Voting Index. In ... Read More
Elections

Good Riddance, Valerie Plame

In a week full of bad news, the defeat of Valerie Plame in a New Mexico Democratic congressional primary is easily overlooked. Had Plame won, she would have had a good chance of winning the seat, as the 3rd District is pretty heavily Democratic-leaning, scoring a D+8 in the Cook Partisan Voting Index. In ... Read More
Science & Tech

About That Scary Hydroxychloroquine Study

Remember that scary hydroxychloroquine study in The Lancet and New England Journal of Medicine that everyone in the media was writing about a few weeks ago? It turns out that the underlying data were likely fake: A Guardian investigation can reveal the US-based company Surgisphere, whose handful of employees ... Read More
Science & Tech

About That Scary Hydroxychloroquine Study

Remember that scary hydroxychloroquine study in The Lancet and New England Journal of Medicine that everyone in the media was writing about a few weeks ago? It turns out that the underlying data were likely fake: A Guardian investigation can reveal the US-based company Surgisphere, whose handful of employees ... Read More

Biden as Paradox

It is now conventional punditry that should Joe Biden win in November, his vice president, in 1944-style, will sooner rather than later become president. Biden, to reboot and secure the identity-politics base, thought he had to discriminate by sex and race in advance by selecting his vice president. But given ... Read More

Biden as Paradox

It is now conventional punditry that should Joe Biden win in November, his vice president, in 1944-style, will sooner rather than later become president. Biden, to reboot and secure the identity-politics base, thought he had to discriminate by sex and race in advance by selecting his vice president. But given ... Read More
World

Welcome Home, Hong Kong

London doesn’t have the power to push the corrupt little junta in Beijing into being halfway decent to the people of Hong Kong, but Boris Johnson has a bold solution for almost half of those people: Come to the United Kingdom. Hong Kong is a former British territory, and about 3 million of its 7.5 million ... Read More
World

Welcome Home, Hong Kong

London doesn’t have the power to push the corrupt little junta in Beijing into being halfway decent to the people of Hong Kong, but Boris Johnson has a bold solution for almost half of those people: Come to the United Kingdom. Hong Kong is a former British territory, and about 3 million of its 7.5 million ... Read More