Magazine September 9, 2019, Issue

From the Adventures of Donald J. Trump, Private Detective

President Trump at the White House in Washington, D.C., July 16, 2019. (Leah Millis/Reuters)

Chapter Six:
A Tweet before Dying

“Mr. Trump! You’ll never guess what happened!”

Pence had, as usual, interrupted the world-famous detective right in the middle of his morning rituals. Trump had carefully applied his preferred hair preparation onto his fingers and was busily dabbing and pinching his stray hairs into place. He looked up from his work and regarded his companion with a baleful glance.

“Good Lord, Pence. Excitable as ever!” Trump cried, in as good-natured a way as he could. Trump hated being interrupted during his morning toilet. He was as fastidious about his hair placement as he was about his bronzer

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