Magazine October 28, 2019, Issue

The Click of Doom

Plastic drinking straws on display in a shop in Nice, France, November 22, 2018 (Eric Gaillard/Reuters)

If you want the modern Left encapsulated in an organically fertilized, sustainably harvested nutshell, it’s the comment from an L.A. politician on how smoothie enthusiasts could cope with the new plastic-straw ban. “Just have them blend it a little thinner,” Councilman Mitch O’Farrell said.

Is this America? This is not America. I want my smoothies so thick I pass out from cerebral blood loss trying to suck it through the straw. I want my milkshakes so thick that the straw is held in place by the neutron-star density of the shake and if I manage to pull out the straw from

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