Magazine February 10, 2020, Issue

Coming to Bravo TV This Spring: A Royal Sussex!

Britain’s Prince Harry and his wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, leave Canada House in London, England, January 7, 2020. (Toby Melville/Reuters)

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

COMING TO BRAVO TV THIS SPRING: A ROYAL SUSSEX! 

With Harry & Meghan &
Archie Sussex

Clip One: Episode 3

Harry: (to camera) I guess I just felt like, when I said to her that, you know, that I’ll meet her halfway, I was thinking we could move to Toronto or something — somewhere that my gran is still on the money and the stamps, is what I was thinking.

Cut to: Interior Java Express, Calabasas 

Harry is at the counter; Archie is in the Baby Bjorn.

Harry: Can I have an almond-milk latte and a piece of the lemon pound cake and a water, please.

Barista: First name for the order?

Harry: Harry.

Barista: Oh my God. Are you who I think you are?

Harry: Uh, yeah, probably.

Barista: Hey guys! It’s that guy! It’s that Harry Potter guy!

Cut to:

Harry: (to camera) She’s at an audition, so what am I going to do? Stay at home with the contractor and the guys putting in the downstairs half-bath? I’m on baby duty and we’re here in Southern California, let’s maybe go for a ride, get outside, have a coffee in the sunshine. But I mean come on. I am not the [BLEEP] [BLEEP] God [BLEEP] whatever the [BLEEP] Harry [BLEEP] Potter. I mean, What. The. Actual. [BLEEP]. 

Clip Two: Episode 4

Harry and Meghan sit in their unfinished kitchen. Harry is feeding Archie. In the background, construction workers continue to install drywall in the open-family-room area. Harry and Meghan are talking with Ari, their attorney, and reviewing documents.

Ari: . . . and this one here is a very nice offer from the ladies at The View, for Meghan.

Meghan: That’s in New York! I told you — we want to be here, in the San Fernando Valley!

Ari: Right, but when the people at The Talk hear about the offer from The View, it maybe opens up an opportunity, is what I’m saying. And they tape The Talk in Studio City. Easy commute.

Harry: That does sound interesting.

Meghan: Har, we talked about this. I only want to do streaming or premium cable.

Harry: I’m just saying, this whole house, the pool and now the, what do you call it, the outdoor grill?

Meghan: The outdoor kitchen and entertaining pavilion. I really don’t know why you keep — 

Harry: It’s just really expensive. And we’re waiting for the licensing money to come in for the athleisure line and — 

Ari: That’s another thing we need to talk about. The Target guys called. They want to put a pin in all of it.

Harry: What?

Ari: It’s a budget thing. It’s a fiscal blah blah blah, and trust me, I really tore into them on the phone, ask my assistant, but the bottom line is, we need to wait until September to move ahead with the licensing. The good news is, I got Sephora to agree to carry the anti-aging serum and the Sussex Man fragrance and pre-shave treatment elixir.

Meghan: Great!

Ari: Another thought occurred. I know back there you guys are always saying By Appointment to the Queen or the King or whatever — 

Harry: No. Stop.

Ari: Hear me out. Maybe some of the local businesses here in Calabasas, maybe a By Appointment, I dunno, By Appointment to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Fine Purveyors of, I don’t know, One-Hour Dry Cleaning, whatever. Lubes and Oil Changes.

Harry: Seriously. Shut the [BLEEP] up.

Ari: I’m just trying to help.

Clip Three: Episode 9

Harry walks through a Whole Foods, talking to the camera:

Harry: You probably think you know me.

Passerby: Hi, Harry!

Harry: But maybe all you know is that my name is “Harry.” And that’s okay!

Passerby: Hi, Harry!

Harry: Because with the MasterCard Advantage Card, all I need is this.

He holds up his phone.

Passerby: Hi, Harry!

Harry: And this.

He holds up his right index finger.

Passerby: Hi, Harry!

He’s at the cash register, using his fingerprint and phone to buy groceries.

Cashier: Hey, aren’t you Harry Potter?

Harry: That’s me!

He winks to the camera.

Director: (offscreen) Cut! Harry, that was great! Can we do it one more time, this time maybe a little more, like, twinkly? Like royal-prince-with-a-secret?

Harry: Royal-prince-with-a-secret. Got it.

As he walks back, we see that he is in the middle of a commercial shoot.

Clip Four: Episode 12, Season Finale

Harry is outside by the pool, talking on the phone. He hangs up and walks slowly into the kitchen, where Meghan is with Archie.

Harry looks somber.

Meghan: Babe? Are you okay?

Harry: It’s my grandmother.

Meghan: Oh my God! Harry! I am so sorry.

She runs to him and hugs him.

Meghan: I am so, so sorry, babe.

Harry: She’s not dead.

Meghan: What?

Harry: She’s not dead. She’s coming. For a visit.

Harry and Meghan look at each other, then around to the unfinished house.

In This Issue

Articles

Features

Books, Arts & Manners

Sections

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Film & TV

America’s Favorite Movie

For more than a decade, readers volunteering their ratings on the movie site IMDb have declared The Shawshank Redemption (1994) their favorite film of all time. (Number two is The Godfather). Unlike the unholy tablets that are the box office charts, which are strongly linked to marketing budgets and show a ... Read More
Film & TV

America’s Favorite Movie

For more than a decade, readers volunteering their ratings on the movie site IMDb have declared The Shawshank Redemption (1994) their favorite film of all time. (Number two is The Godfather). Unlike the unholy tablets that are the box office charts, which are strongly linked to marketing budgets and show a ... Read More
Media

The Media Owe Senator Tom Cotton an Apology

One of the biggest issues people have with the mainstream press these days is that some of its members are so insulated that they end up buying into and promoting false narratives without actually checking these narratives' veracity. That seems to be exactly what happened in mid February, when major outlets ... Read More
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The Media Owe Senator Tom Cotton an Apology

One of the biggest issues people have with the mainstream press these days is that some of its members are so insulated that they end up buying into and promoting false narratives without actually checking these narratives' veracity. That seems to be exactly what happened in mid February, when major outlets ... Read More
Politics & Policy

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Single-use plastic bags are a miracle of modern technology. Cheap, light, convenient, and ubiquitous, they provide an elegant solution to a problem. If you recycle them, as most people do, and put your rubbish in them, that creates a net reduction in carbon emissions compared with buying the heavier, thicker ... Read More
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Welcome Back, Plastic Bags

Single-use plastic bags are a miracle of modern technology. Cheap, light, convenient, and ubiquitous, they provide an elegant solution to a problem. If you recycle them, as most people do, and put your rubbish in them, that creates a net reduction in carbon emissions compared with buying the heavier, thicker ... Read More
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All Signs Point to China

Just one big story today: collecting and sorting through what we know about the coronavirus's origins, and what makes sense and what doesn’t in the theory that it originated from someone eating bats or pangolins from the Huanan Seafood Market. What We Know and What We Don’t Know about the Source of ... Read More
World

All Signs Point to China

Just one big story today: collecting and sorting through what we know about the coronavirus's origins, and what makes sense and what doesn’t in the theory that it originated from someone eating bats or pangolins from the Huanan Seafood Market. What We Know and What We Don’t Know about the Source of ... Read More
U.S.

Some Good News Going into the Weekend

It’s Friday -- although I know it’s getting harder and harder to tell these days. You deserve a respite from yesterday’s gloom. (If you’re hungry for more gloom, there’s always the most recent edition of The Editors podcast -- and thank you, dear readers, for checking on me.) Today’s newsletter ... Read More
U.S.

Some Good News Going into the Weekend

It’s Friday -- although I know it’s getting harder and harder to tell these days. You deserve a respite from yesterday’s gloom. (If you’re hungry for more gloom, there’s always the most recent edition of The Editors podcast -- and thank you, dear readers, for checking on me.) Today’s newsletter ... Read More