The hospital told Suri Kinzbrunner the questions were asked in keeping with a recent policy change.
When Suri Kinzbrunner took her 14-year-old son for a check-up at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center’s pediatric clinic recently, she expected to be asked to step out of the room for a portion of the visit so her son could discuss private things with the doctor, like whether he feels safe at home.
What she did not expect, however, was for her young homeschooled son to be asked questions about sexual orientation and gender identity which she said left him feeling confused and uncomfortable.
Kinzbrunner, whose husband is active-duty Navy and is stationed in Virginia, says she has long taken her children to Walter Reed for appointments, but missed a few during the pandemic. Although she has eight children, she had never before had these types of questions asked at an appointment.
The appointment began like any other: The doctor asked about the teen’s diet, physical activity, and what his favorite subject is. Then, the doctor asked Kinzbrunner to step out, saying it was standard procedure to ask children over the age of eleven a list of questions in private.
“It wasn’t presented as an option,” she said, adding that she didn’t mind stepping out because she assumed the doctor would ask the types of questions that had been asked in the past.
The teen was confused when the doctor asked whether he identifies as a “he,” “she,” or “they.”
“She just examined my genitals. Why would she ask me that?” Kinzbrunner’s son asked his mom.
The doctor also asked the 14-year-old if he is attracted to boys, girls, both, or neither.
“That was also confusing for him because he’s not there yet,” Kinzbrunner said. “He’s homeschooled. He’s with his brothers. He’s not in a [mixed-gender] environment and he’s just not at that stage yet.”
She said her son told the doctor he is not at that stage yet, but then was rethinking his answer, wondering if it was “bad” that he didn’t say he was attracted to girls. Ultimately, he told his mother, he thought his answer was a good one as the doctor responded that that “covers all of the sexual relationship questions,” so he was able to put the uncomfortable line of questioning to an end.
The examination did include other questions that Kinzbrunner remembers as being standard, such as whether he felt safe at home and if he rides a bike with a helmet, but added that the gender-identity and sexual-orientation questions “really stood out for him and he just told me right away, ‘This was very weird.’”
Kinzbrunner did not find out about the questions until after the appointment ended. She told her husband about the situation and says he was very upset and suggested she submit a complaint.
After filing a complaint, she says she received a response “right away” and was able to speak with someone representing the pediatric clinic. When she expressed her concerns about the questioning, she says she was told that the questions were recently added to the physical exams because of an increase in teens identifying as transgender and mental-health issues and that the doctors can’t assume a child’s pronouns anymore.
Kinzbrunner asked the representative if there aren’t better ways to screen for mental-health issues — that are common outside of transgender and sexual identity — and was told that the questions were added on because of the current social norms.
Kinzbrunner ultimately told the representative that she is concerned that the line of questioning was not presented as optional and said in the future she will decline to have her children talk to a doctor without a parent present.
Walter Reed National Military Medical Center did not respond to a request for comment.
“I feel that these issues of gender identity, sexuality, this should be something that parents are talking to their children about,” she said.
She raised concerns that with mental-health issues and low self-esteem being common among adolescents, it could cause more problems for children who are struggling to fit in to be presented with the idea that they are not the right gender.
The mother said that while her son is aware that some people identify as transgender, “it’s something that I prefer to keep [as] something that me and my husband are talking to my kids about.”
While she said she is fortunate to have an open relationship with her children, she understands that perhaps other children do not have such a relationship with their parents and would need a teacher or a doctor to step in to have these conversations.
“But that’s not the case in our family and that’s not the case in other families too, and I think parents need to know that this is happening,” she said. “So if it’s the case in their family, that they are so close with their kids that they do talk to their kid and would prefer a doctor not insert themselves in that role behind the parents’ back, talking about things that really shouldn’t be talked about without parents, parents should know and to know to opt out of this portion.”