TO: YUM! Brands
FROM: MarketGAY Public Relations
IN RE: How to maximize YUM!’s position in the marketplace
This is a short document to “set the table” for our deeper discussions in the following week. Everyone here at MarketGAY PR is thrilled to have the opportunity to discuss our vision for YUM! Brands Quick-Serve Restaurant brands, especially the flagship KFC, Pizza Hut, and Taco Bell locations.
As you know, the current “crisis” in the QSR sector — Chick-fil-A’s trouble with the same-sex-marriage movement — has created an opportunity for YUM! that it would be foolish to ignore. Everyone knows that the Chinese character for “crisis” is the same as the character for “opportunity,” but did you also know that the Chinese logogram for “chicken sandwich” is very similar to the traditional Chinese logogram for “two men lying together within the Red Chamber”?
No one wants to see another American QSR suffer the way Chick-fil-A has. Although it may seem at first glance that Chick-fil-A’s sales have actually increased during this crisis period, it is foolish to imagine that any American QSR location can exist for long without identifying itself as “extremely gay” to the marketplace. Consumers have many choices about where to spend their QSR dollar, and offering them a homosexual option for their chicken, pizza, or informal Mexican cravings is just good business!
We here at MarketGAY PR are here to help you seize that market!
To get the ball rolling, we thought we’d send along our top “brainstorm” ideas for turning Chick-fil-A’s crisis into a YUM! Brands homopportunity™
Using sophisticated social-media marketing — including sponsored tweets, Facebook fan pages, and live-blogging via Tumblr — and combining it all with a carefully orchestrated product-placement campaign, we would like to utilize the gay-positive vibe of TV’s hit musical show Glee to rebrand KFC as a very gay place to eat. Ideally, the menu would need to become less carb-heavy, and the mashed-potato bowl would probably have to be retired completely, but that could be integrated within a Glee storyline, perhaps one in which all of the gay characters on the series — which is roughly all of them — decide to enjoy KFC’s skinless and boneless options.
#page#The Pizza Hut Men’s Gymnastics Challenge
Simply put, here’s an opportunity to narrowcast to specifically gay audiences by sponsoring a men’s gymnastics “Whirl Off.” Live events can take place in the Pizza Hut parking lots, and, even better, the event need not be “gay specific.” Let the phrase “Men’s Gymnastics” do all the work carrying the brand. Could also craft a tie-in for more adult markets and late-night advertisements with the popular Pizza Hut Meat Lovers™ Pizza.
The Colonel Marries Long John Silver
We recognize that LJS is no longer part of the YUM! Brands QSR portfolio, and yet we think that a cross-corporation market action here makes all kinds of sense and requires nothing in the way of brand-image rewriting, as both Long John Silver and Colonel Sanders are as yet unmarried and therefore seem “available.” In addition, men of a certain age who remain unmarried are almost always assumed — correctly — to be homosexual, which makes the “shock” value of the announcement less “shock” and more “value.” Could easily tie in an in-store “celebration” involving the popular “Party Bucket.”
Ricky Martin Presents Taco Bell!
Reaching out to the popular — and openly gay — Latin singer Ricky Martin seems like a perfect marriage of brand identification and gay pizzazz. Taco Bells are known for their late-night, post-club atmosphere — the menus are specifically designed to counter-balance a night spent dancing and drinking — and who better to bridge those two worlds than a certified pop star? All stores could be rebranded as Ricky Martin Presents Taco Bell™ in the current hip-hop style, reaching out to both a young generation of music fans and a core gay audience.
Pasta Bravo needs no rebranding. It’s gay enough.
The Chicken-on-Chicken Sandwich at KFC
We suggest creating a new menu item, a chicken patty sandwich with an additional — and identical — chicken patty resting on top of the original chicken patty, to thematically suggest that at KFC, it’s okay for two chickens to lie together.
This is just a snippet of what MarketGAY PR can do for YUM! Brands. The idea here is to knit the locations together via branding and trade dress — as you have already done with your combination KFC/Taco Bell stores — into a coherent and extremely gay brand identity.
We look forward to hearing your thoughts! And thanks again for allowing us to introduce you to the MarketGAY Team!