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The President’s Schedule


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Dec. 13, 2013

(All times approximate.)

6:30 a.m. President and Mrs. Gingrich wake to soothing white-noise generator. Closed Press.

7:00 a.m. President and Mrs. Gingrich attempt “Downward Facing Dog” yoga pose. Pool Spray at top and at close.

7:15 a.m. President and Mrs. Gingrich receive daily briefing via Twitter. President updates his Facebook status. Mrs. Gingrich reviews the Presidential Daily Schedule for signs of disloyalty. Closed Press.

7:30 a.m. White House Chief of Staff Mitt Romney arrives at the executive residence, presents the president with his daily Cinnabon, and escorts the president to the Treaty Room while delivering overnight briefing. Closed Press.

8:00 a.m. President and Mrs. Gingrich deliver daily televised national address. Today’s topic: Meditation and Its Health Benefits. Pool Spray at top and at close.

8:15 a.m. President Gingrich meets with National Security team, delivers National Security Briefing rebuttal at 8:30 a.m. President sees connections between Facebook User Preferences and civil unrest in the Persian Gulf. Closed Press.

8:40 a.m. President reconvenes National Security Team for a last-minute thought centering around terraforming moon colony. President makes several foreign-policy-related telephone calls. Closed Press.

9:00 a.m. Presidential Quiet Time. President sits quietly in study, musing and generating ideas. ABSOLUTE SILENCE is required by visitors and guests. Open Press.

9:45 a.m. Presidential Portrait Painting. President continues work on his self-portrait. Pool Spray at top.

10:00 a.m. Presidential Chatroulette. President appears on video-chat service to discuss issues one-on-one with American people. Open Press.

10:45 a.m. President delivers remarks to Whoever Happens to Be in the Vicinity. NOTE: This could be canceled or postponed because of the passage of the National Homework Act, which would require the president to assign national homework for the next week, and to encourage citizens to break into study groups. Pool Spray at top.

12:00 p.m. Wheels Up Air Force One. President en route to Miller’s Crossing, Pa., for the opening of the first Pennsylvania State Children’s Workshop, a pilot program of the No Child Left Idle Act of 2013. Open Press. Pool Only.

12:30 p.m. Aboard Air Force One: President delivers daily noontime national address. Today’s topic: Kemal Atatürk’s Three Key Revolutionary Ideas in Post-Imperial Turkey. Open Press. Please remind your readers and viewers that this material will be covered in the National Midterm Exam in February.


Contents
December 31, 2011    |     Volume LXIII, No. 24

Articles
  • Channeling TR, President Obama advocates rule-by-elites.
  • Now is the time to make the case for military action against Iran.
  • When people say ‘Zionist,’ what do they mean?
  • Earnest worship versus the worship of cynicism.
  • A correspondence, nonfictional, between a young boy, a housewife, a headmaster, and the young boy’s brother.
Features
  • You take a dubious record, you take some wacky ideas, you take a narcissistic personality. . .
  • And why President Newt would not
  • Gingrich’s plan would reward criminals and make the law arbitrary.
  • The former Speaker has a longstanding love-hate relationship with environmental reform.
Books, Arts & Manners
Sections
The Long View  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  
Athwart  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  
Poetry  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  
Happy Warrior  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  
The Bent Pin  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .