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Occupy Salem

by Kevin D. Williamson

A witch hunt on Wall Street

So there were Hula Hoops, a composting station, facially pierced trustafarians eating quiche, 9/11 truthers and U.S.S. Liberty truthers, the Black Panther Party, a demand that you “define your aesthetic, gather your tribe, and actualize your vision,” speed chess, the Grey Panthers (no relation), not one person who could correctly define the term “credit-default swap” or “derivative,” a tragically droopy woman proclaiming herself “the topless paparazzo,” demands to abolish fiat currency, demands to issue fiat currency, Ron Paulistas and anti-Paulistas, tracts on “species equality” and much jawboning about the occupation’s need for less patriarchal styles of decision-making and more matriarchal styles, dark whispers about “psy-ops,” a whole lot of angst and wailing about student loans, open calls for a “benevolent dictator,” a delegation representing Harvard Men for Economic Justice, a pink unicorn tricycle, a sign reading “The Human Condition Has Gotta Change!” and — I’m not making this up — several renditions of “Give Peace a Chance.”

“Carnivals come cheap,” Slavoj Zizek, the intellectual world’s leading apostle of Marxist-Leninist political violence, told the cheering crowd at Occupy Wall Street. “What matters is the day after, when we will have to return to normal life. Will there be any changes then? . . . We know what we do not want. But what do we want?” Professor Zizek, who is to our national discredit in the employ of New York University, is half right: The protesters do not know what they want, and they do not know what they do not want. That is because they do not understand the nature of the problem that they intuit, in their ignorant way, but cannot think through, lacking the intellectual tools.

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