NR Digital

The Long View


by Rob Long


Looking for chill, progressive person to share ride to #occupywallstreet protest in New York. Me: 28, inked, Ph.D. candidate in Modern French Outsider Fiction, progressive, smart, great conversationalist, diverse playlist on iTunes for DJing during trip. You: have gas money, car, room for my stuff. Please REPLY WITH FACE PIC!!


Saw you in park when I was walking to work. I was in a suit and walking with some other bankers. You were shouting at us and holding a sign that said “Die Banker Pigs.” Our eyes met for a moment and I thought there was a connection or something. Was going to find you later during lunch but ended up on a long conference call with Zurich. Then had a business dinner at Le Bernardin. Would love to meet up. Tell me what your T-shirt said so I know it’s you.


Looking for a chill, progressive person to pick me up at #occupywallstreet protest in downtown Manhattan and give me a ride back to my parents’ house so I can pick up my iPhone charger and do my laundry. MUST BE progressive, independent revolutionary with total commitment to global change. Also, must have gas money. I have E-Z Pass unit for tolls from my parents’ car. PLEASE REPLY with evidence that you’re committed to the mission of economic justice. Will follow you on Twitter and see how it goes.


Not sure if this is you. You were a guy in a suit walking with some other d-bags to your office tower where you wield your unelected power against the working people of the world. I hate you and everything you stand for and if you think we shared “a moment” you’re even more deluded than I thought a person like you could be. If you still want to meet, I’m certainly up for it, but expect to be educated about the destruction you and your kind have unleashed on the world. Oh, and my T-shirt was the “Hello Kitty” logo with the kitty’s fist raised up in revolutionary solidarity. So what about it, pig? Do you have the guts?


Looking for chill, progressive person with a tent and a sleeping bag I can borrow for extended service at the #occupywallstreet protest in downtown Manhattan. My camping equipment is unavailable to me (parents away on a cruise; locked out of house; long story) but if you have these items (and ONLY if you have these items) plus a car and can pick me up at my parents’ house which is more convenient than the train station due to long walk required etc. then PLEASE respond to this WITH FACE PIC.


Okay, it’s you. That was the T-shirt. I’m the guy in the suit with the spread collar and the bright-green tie. We locked eyes. You are very beautiful, and I’ve been thinking about your eyes since yesterday morning. I can’t get you out of my mind. And of course I’d love to hear what you guys are all yelling about and what drives you to act with such passion and commitment. All I’m asking is that you give me a chance. Dinner tonight? Do you like Asian fusion cuisine? Or classic French? Your call. I’m just coming to listen.


Need a ride from the #occupywallstreet protest in downtown Manhattan to my orthodontist on Thursday AM. Please be thoughtful and progressive and committed to global change. Also: Be willing to wait while I have my appointment and drive me back to the protest. (Would move my appointment but parents made it.) STRONGLY PREFER hybrid vehicle.



Fine. We’re on. But prepare to have your mind blown and your world turned upside down by what I’m going to unload on you. This is not — repeat NOT — a date because as you know I hate you and everything you represent. This is going to be a TEACHABLE MOMENT. Please pick me up at 7 PM around the corner from the protest location. (I need to change and etc. and don’t want to deal with the explanations just yet.) Is there any chance we can go to Restaurant Daniel? I hear that’s got an amazing tasting menu. Not that I care.


Large camping tent, with sleeping bag, outdoor cooking equipment, outdoor clothes and boots, Sharpie pens, and assorted revolutionary texts. Will unload for almost nothing. Need to get rid of all of these things ASAP as I am moving in with my boyfriend.

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