NR Digital

The Long View

National Review Post-Election Cruise 2012

by Rob Long

Special Program Note: Some events have been adjusted or replaced since Election Day.

Monday, November 12: San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “What Went Wrong.” National Review editors and contributors in a roundtable discussion about Election Day. Jonah Goldberg moderates. Participants include Rich Lowry, Jay Nordlinger, and Robert Costa.

7:30 p.m.: Cocktail Reception, Queen’s Lounge Promenade Deck. All registered guests are invited to the Queen’s Lounge for informal drinks and conversation.

8 p.m.: The Viking Culinary Arts and Education Centre (Navigation Deck), Pre-dinner event: “The Torture and Dismemberment of Todd Akin.”

All registered guests are invited to join National Review editors and contributors in the ritual torture and dismemberment of failed U.S. Senate candidate from Missouri Todd Akin. Participation is first-come-first-served. Smocks and protective goggles are available for purchase at the Help Desk beginning two hours before the event. Tools will be provided. Please note: Mr. Akin will NOT be sedated or restrained during this event. He will be held down by Campaign Spot blogger Jim Geraghty. All participants MUST sign a release waiver BEFORE participating in the event. Dress: Smart casual.

Tuesday, November 13: At Sea

3:30 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “Winning Hispanics and Asians.” Syndicated columnist Mona Charen leads a discussion with UC-Berkeley law professor John Yoo on conservative outreach in minority communities.

5:45 p.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “Learning From Our Mistakes.” Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus discusses the key takeaways from the election. How does the party learn from its mistakes, how does it reform its message and voter outreach, and how do conservatives win again?

6:30 p.m.: Upper Promenade Deck, Reince Priebus executed by firing squad. Dress: Formal.

Wednesday, November 14: Turks & Caicos Islands

All Day Event: During all planned afternoon presentations, Republican strategist Karl Rove will be onstage in leg irons and a ball gag, arms tied behind his back. He will be available for taunting and prodding by registered participants throughout the program. All taunters and prodders MUST wear their official NR cruise name badge. NO ONE will be allowed to approach Mr. Rove without having signed up in advance. Please see National Review publisher Jack Fowler to sign up for a five-minute window. Please avoid bruising or wounding Mr. Rove or in any way rendering him inedible. (See Saturday’s program: “Farewell Luau” for further information.)

Thursday, November 15: Grand Cayman

10 a.m.: Main Auditorium (Lower Promenade Deck), “What Went Wrong II.”  National Review editor Jay Nordlinger interviews former Romney campaign adviser Stuart Stevens on the campaign strategy, its media efforts, and its overall tactical perspective.  Mr. Stevens has graciously agreed to answer questions from registered attendees.

11:30 a.m.: Outside Observation Deck, “Stu Stevens Takes a Swim.” Former Romney campaign adviser Stuart Stevens will be wrapped tightly in plastic wrap, which will be duct-taped shut by National Review contributors Jim Geraghty and Robert Costa, after which Mr. Stevens will be thrown overboard. PLEASE NOTE: Space is limited on the Outside Observation Deck. Participants who wish to witness this fun event will be chosen by lottery. Please see  National Review Online editor-at-large Kathryn Lopez for details.

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

Friday, November 16: Half Moon Cay, Bahamas

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

Saturday, November 17: At Sea

4–5 p.m.: Lower Promenade Deck. Chained and gagged Karl Rove available for taunting and prodding. Sign-ups available at the Help Desk.

6:30 p.m.: Lido Deck Aft, Farewell Luau.  Participants gather for the gala farewell dinner. Drinks and passed appetizers will be available on the outside deck, to the rear of the ship. Enjoy our final sunset together in a convivial and fun atmosphere.

7 p.m.: Lido Deck Aft, “Run, Karl, Run.” Mr. Rove will be released and allowed to run for his life. All registered participants are encouraged to chase after him with pointed sticks until he is cornered in some godforsaken part of the Holland America Line’s flagship Nieuw Amsterdam. Mr. Rove will then be dragged throughout the ship and roasted alive. PLEASE NOTE: This will be “family” service, with vegetables and sides served buffet-style. Dress: Athletic wear, good running shoes.

 

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